Dear Bossip: Pregnant At 17, He Didn’t Show Up To Meet My Dad, Now Years Later He’s Back & I Got Pregnant Again

- By Bossip Staff Categories: Love and Relationships, News, Sex and Relationships

Black Woman worrying

Dear Bossip,

I read one of your books and have been a fan ever since. I love the brutal honesty you dish out.

Well, the time has come for me to get real. At 17 I became pregnant by my first love (BU). My father found out when I was 5 months, and he said I could keep the baby if BU would speak with him. I told BU what my dad said, but, BU never showed and against my better judgment with pressure I terminated the pregnancy. BU ended up having a baby by the girl he was cheating on me with.

Now, I’m 24 and just ended an engagement and I run into BU, who by the way got that bomb hood d@*k. BU is confessing his love and how stupid he was for doing what he did. Yes, I fell for it. We decided to do it again. Well, BU has issues from drinking due to Bi-polar, all of this his sister is telling me. He thinks that I am seeing my ex, so he starts creeping with the chick upstairs (I found this out from the dirty looks and her coming over when I get off of work).

I decided I was done with him and I did go back to my ex. Shortly after, I found out that I was pregnant. I told BU and he said it was not his. Before this my ex had a bad accident where the doctor said it would be next to impossible for him to have kids, so I know this baby is BU’s. I just don’t wanna go through the heart ache again.

I told my ex about the possibility of it being BU’s and my ex thinks it could be his. To avoid the repeat of pain I have raised my child as my ex’s. To confirm my suspicion BU had a baby by the chick upstairs. My ex is a deadbeat and because of this situation I don’t ask him for –ish. I’m tired and want him out of the picture. I asked him to sign off but he won’t. BU doesn’t wanna take a blood test because of child support, but I’M TIRED. I was gonna take this one to the grave, but the weight is too much and I need to know. Terrance let me have it. – Ready But Scared

Dear Ms. Ready But Scared,

This can’t be life. This truly can’t be life! UGH!

Chile, some of you women get exactly what you deserve. You put yourself in these situations and expect some miraculous different outcome from these same run of the mill bum a** no-good trifling dudes who ain’t about –ish. I see why the hood stay poppin’.  Y’all keep breeding, and none of you one wants to do better. Donkey behavior results in donkey actions.

If you got pregnant the first time by BU, and your dad told him to come and talk with him and he didn’t show up. Then, what makes you think anything has changed over the years with him? He’s still the same ole’ BU. He’s still the same ole’ bum a** dude with the hood community disease infected d**k he was when he was running up in different women years ago. Nothing has changed. Just because you ran into him again years later, then jumped back into bed with him, got pregnant again, and he denies the baby is his, but, you thought that things would be different. Why? Ask yourself what made you believe his lies? If he lied to you before, he would lie to you again.

I don’t understand why you would put yourself through this agony with the same a** man who walked out on you years ago when you were pregnant at 17. Do you not have anything else going on in your life? Are you that silly and dumb that you would purposely sleep with two different men, RAW, and not give any thought or concern of your own well-being and life? What is missing in your life that you need validation from BU, who was sleeping with the woman upstairs from you, and you’re downstairs with your man?

Now, the woman upstairs has a baby by him. You’re not sure if your own child is his or your ex’s. You feel in your heart of hearts that the baby is BU’s because your ex was in a serious accident and the doctor told him that it would be next to impossible for him to have children. Well, next to impossible is not, “He can’t and will never have kids.” So, who is the father of your child? Did you do a blood test with your ex? And, to avoid wondering if it’s BU’s child, go to court and have him ordered to take a blood test.

Chile, I can see this now, you’re on Maury yelling and screaming that you’re one hundred percent certain that BU is the father. And, when Maury reads the results, neither your ex, or BU is the father. You run and fall to the floor crying and boo-hooing, and Maury comes up to you and says that they will help you find the father of your child. You nod your head and say, “I think I know who it is.” Girl, do better and stop being about that hood life. It’s old, tired, and stale. But, what can I expect from a donkey in the hood. Where do you graze? Please, for the sake of your child, get both men tested so your child will know which no-good man will be the father. Either way you’re going to lose. – Terrance Dean

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author terrance dean

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

Mogul     Straight From Your Gay Best Friend


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