10 Burning Questions From NBA All-Star Weekend

- By Bossip Staff Categories: Entertainment, Multi, New

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This year’s NBA All-Star WeekeZzzzzzzz was a spectacular struggle that had potential but ultimately failed on every level possible. Mildly-enjoyable when you weren’t fighting sleep (or praying that Alicia Keys falls off the stage), it was clear that the NBA was: A) disconnected from its audience B) Anti-FUN and C) Anti-Rappity-Rap.

Here are ten burning questions for NBA All-Star weekend. Take a look.

Photo credit: Twitter

Singer Alicia Keys performs at half time during the NBA All-Star basketball game in Houston

Who gave Alicia Keys permission to leave her piano and dance in public?

The vocally-worthless audio terrorist is on a mission to make everyone hate her more than any other person (on Earth). Inspired by the Beyonce Doc, she “danced” awkwardly and terribly while squawking during the worst performance of the weekend.

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Why is Chris the ZESTasaurus Rex always in the wrong place at the worst possible time?

The glittery NBA weirdo is either trolling us all with perfectly-timed suspect behavior or just naturally pause-worthy, gleefully-zesty and tender. Either way, it’s oddly-hilarious and strange.

Photo credit: Twitter

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Why is Drake such a dweeb?

Aubrey, like Bosh Spice, always feeds himself to the wolves. Some believe he’s trolling everyone but serving Bey & Hov refreshments is something light-bright rappers who bleed warm Almond milk do.

Photo credit: Twitter

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Why does Kevin Hart try so hard to be funny?

The 5th grader sized-comedian is an unfunny little man when he’s not on his Ridalin. At times, he’s genuinely funny but kills his own jokes by doing the absolute most for no reason.

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Did these groupies accomplish their All-Star weekend mission?

Every year, elite groupie units flock to the festivities hoping to make their Basketball Wife dreams come true. Whether THESE thirsty slorebags connected with their targets (and sabotaged condoms) or not, we may never know.

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Will anyone ever care about J. Cole?

The socially-awkward Rap dork wants to be Jay-Z sooooooo bad but lacks Hovvy Hov’s charisma and IT appeal. Always young Simba and never Mufasa, Cole is still on Rap’s sidelines, at the end of the bench, two years after his debut.

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Was NBA All-Star weekend planned by anti-Rap Republicans?

Phillip Phillips, Ellie Goulding, Fall Out Boy, Ne-Yo and Alicia Keys performed because “safe” and “ratchet-free” are obviously more important to the NBA than “entertaining.”

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Kobe Bryant doesn’t care that he’s the most hated NBA superstar alive?

The hyper-competitive cornball was the only all-star playing hard during the All-Star Game because he’d rather be hated and booed, than somewhat liked by fans. Oh, Kobe.

Photo credit: Twitter

Alicia Keys

Why would Alicia Keys perform “Empire State of Mind” in Houston, Texas?

…the same reason she agreed to be Creative Director of BlackBerry in 2013. Terrible judgment.

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Does Dwight Howard know he’s super-corny?

Nah, probably not….

Photo credit: Instagram

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