Dear Bossip: He Tells Me I Have Nothing To Worry About, But I Constantly See Him Contacting Women New And Old

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Categories: Love and Relationships, News, Sex and Relationships

Black Man on laptop

Dear Bossip,

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 8 months.

We have been knowing one another for 3 years and just made it official 8 months ago. In the beginning I was aware that he had female friends but did not know the extent of their relationships because we were just friends. I live with him along with my 6 year old son. Just last year, he asked me to take a break from my job to finish school and to just relax until I found a better job. I did so and he pays all the bills and told me to manage all the money that he was bringing home. He showers me with the best of everything from clothes, our house and our cars. He’s always telling me he loves me and all the things I want to hear.

From time to time before our relationship I would notice different women he would keep in contact with. I disregarded since we were not a couple. Now that we are in a relationship, there are still women, perhaps more. I’ve seen text messages asking other women for sex and when he goes to the club, a new number appears. He texts all through the night and day. I recently saw a text to a woman that he was planning to have lunch with. He took her out for lunch and at the same time he is calling me telling me that he is out running errands (How I know this? I checked the bank account and the times).

I have confronted him about all these situations and he tells me that I am paranoid and not trusting him. He keeps telling me I have nothing to worry about. I constantly see him contacting women new and old all the time. I have come from broken relationships from my past, but I’m afraid that I am overreacting again. I want to trust him but I know that he is being dishonest with me. Please help with whatever advice!!! – Confused About His Actions

Dear Ms. Confused About His Actions,

There are angry birds, wretched birds, dumb birds, silly birds, tricking birds, and stupid birds. You’ve created a new breed of what I’ll like to call retarded bird.

UUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!! (Looks up to the sky with hands stretched upward). I don’t get it. I truly don’t understand some of you women. –Ish will be staring you right in the face, and you’ll still be in denial like, “That’s not bull-ish on my face. I don’t smell –ish.”

You’ve seen the text messages of him asking other women for sex. When he goes to the club a new number appears in his phone. He texts all through the night and day. And, you recently saw a text to a woman that he was planning to have lunch with. And, while he’s at lunch with her he calls and tells you that he is running errands. But, you know it’s a lie because you’ve checked the bank account and the times. I’m sorry, but for the love of sweet baby Jesus, what more do you need? What more proof do you need that he is cheating, lying, and deceiving you?

Chile, I bet you’re one of those women that will actually catch him in the bed with another woman and he will tell you that she means nothing to him. He doesn’t love her. He loves you. And, he wasn’t making love to her like he does to you, but that he was f***ing her, and that it was his first and last time. You take him back and move on as if nothing ever happened because you believe the lies. You believe his bull-ish because it’s not on your face and it doesn’t smell like bull-ish. SMDH! There is a stadium that I want you take several seats up in the nose bleed section and just sit there by your damn self!

I want to know why are you all of a sudden confused? Why are you acting brand new about his behavior? You’ve put up with it even before you started dating. You knew about the other women, but you said nothing. You didn’t bother to question him about the extent of his relationships with other women, and yet, you still opted to get into a relationship with him with this lingering important detail hanging in the balance. Why? Why be with a man whom is doing the same with you that he does with every woman, “showering them with affection, attention, and telling them what they want to hear.”

Oh, sweetie, I peeped his game, and unfortunately you missed all the clues. You’re so dumb d**k crazy that you failed to put the obvious clues together. Pay attention to this statement that you wrote, “He’s always telling me he loves me and all the things I want to hear.” The operative statement is, “all the things I want to hear.” He’s telling you what you want to hear because he’s good at what he does. He’s good at being a player. He’s good at making women feel good and special. He’s good at playing games, and this ultimately what it is to him, a game. His ego and his manhood are attached to how many women he can approach with his smooth lines, and player skills. His ego and manhood are attached to how many women will fall to his seductive ways, and finally bed them. He’s keeping a game tally going of how long can I keep these women open, and how many of them can I manage at the same time.

You’ve been duped. Well, you haven’t been duped, you’ve just been played. And, you fell for it because you wanted a man. And, a man is what you got. You didn’t require much from the relationship because if you did then you I don’t know any woman who would not have asked about the other women he’s been keeping in contact with. I don’t know any woman who would have overlooked the important details of the extent of his relationships with other woman without questioning, getting to the bottom of those relationships, and ultimately having him end all of those relationships. But, you didn’t do that because you were more content on just having a man, and living with a man, instead of having a relationship.

So, until you decide you want and need a relationship, then all you will ever get is a man who will not consider you his woman, or his girlfriend. While you’re thinking you’re in a monogamous relationship, he’s single and dating you and every other woman. And, though you may try to change the dynamics of this relationship, keep in mind that it’s not going to happen. He’s a player. He’s a hoe. He is interested in being a one woman man. You’ve allowed him to play and dabble all over town with all these various women, and you have kept quiet so long as he kept you happy and told you what you wanted to hear. So, your choice is either to leave, or you can stay and let him do him, and you do you. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

“LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

author terrance dean
Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

Mogul     Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

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