Dear Bossip: I’m 22, He’s 44 & He Talks About Us Being Together, But I Haven’t Met Anyone In His Family, Or His Friends

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Categories: Dear Bossip, Love and Relationships, News, Sex and Relationships

Black Couple 2

Dear Bossip,

Hello I’m dating a 44-year old man. Mind you I am only 20-years old.

He is always talking about how he wants another child by next year. He’s also always talking about how he wants to get a house together, and what bills we would split or what bills I would pay and how we could afford a house with both of our incomes, and how we can get into car payments.

Every time I talk about settling down he says it’s too soon and he wants to get a house first. I told him that I want to settle down then have another child within 3 years and get married, and then go back to school. I let him know I was not trying to rush anything but I’m not going to waste my time playing games and if he does not see me as someone serious to let me know so we can go our own ways.

He is very good with my daughter even though she is not his. He’s also met my mom. I haven’t met anyone in his family. I told him I had an issue with a girl who he does not share kids with but at some point wanted to settle down with her. And she is calling, texting, and even Facebooking him. They live in different states but I don’t like the fact that she contacts him. He says I have nothing to worry about and that they are just friends. But, I’m not sure. He hasn’t told her that he and I are dating. He hasn’t even told his kids. I haven’t met his boss or any co-workers, or friends. I ask why he says he likes to keep his personal life private. How do I know if he wants to be with me or settle down with me? The other day he told me that I made his phone bill go higher than usual. He said I need to stop calling and texting so much. So, I told him okay, I will work on it for you. We both have the same phone company. I tell him to be honest and straight up with me.  Please help me! – Dating An Older Man

Dear Ms. Dating An Older Man,

Throws hands in the air! WHHHHHHHYYYYY!!!!!??????!!!!

Is this how they are living life in 2013? Is this what life is about in the hood these days? Twenty year old girls are giving themselves to men over forty. What life is this about? Is this about that senior citizen life? Chile, clue me in! LOL!

Little girl, why are you not in school? Why are you not pursuing some profession or a career? Why are you dating a man who is more than half your age? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? I can’t even do this today. You truly have an issue with self-esteem, self-worth, and daddy issues.

This is truly sad and unfortunate. I can’t understand why you would think you have something in common with a 44-year old man. What do you talk about? What life skills, issues, or lessons can you discuss?

Plain and simple, this man is a predator and is preying on you and naivety. He is just using you for sex, and nothing more. This man needs to be castrated for preying on young girls, because I’m certain you’re not the first or last young girl he has, or will do this to.

Let’s be real here: He is not going to purchase a house with you. He is not going to marry you. He is not serious about you. Why is he discussing splitting bills with you, and getting a car with payments? Chile, puhlease! What house can you two afford with both of your incomes? Please tell me what house is this. What income do you have at 20-years old that you are bringing in that you feel you can purchase a home? Chile, open your eyes and see that you’re just a young girl whom he is taking advantage of. He’s filling your head and telling you things you want to hear. IT’S ALL A LIE!!!

The sad part is that you’ve made all these connections, yet, you’re unable to put the clues together. Let’s play Blues Clues. Let’s see if Dora the Explorer can figure this out. You ready? Okay, chile, you’ve never met his family. You don’t know where he works, or met any of his co-workers. You’ve never met any of his friends. His own kids don’t know about you. And, the woman he’s texting, calling, and spending Facebook time with doesn’t even know about you. Now, that fact that you’ve pointed all of this out, then what does that tell you? Come on, Lil Keisha, you can figure it out. A man who is this private, and keeping you a secret, well, you’re not even a secret. You don’t even exist. No one knows you are a part of his life. Now, put the clues together, and what do you get? You can do it! You can do it!

Let’s move on. I want you to tell me what do you think is the reasoning behind him not telling ANYONE about you? Oh yeah, it’s because you’re not dating. You’re not in a relationship. You’re not his woman. He’s not your man. He is just playing you. Lying to you. Deceiving you. And, you allow yourself to be lied to, played, and deceived. What are you lacking in your life that you need a 44-year old man in your life? Is it because you have no father-figure in your life, thus, you’re looking for daddy, and this man is a substitute for the father you want in your life?

Boo, you are out of your lane and league. This man has truly done a job on you. He’s playing into your youngness and age, and you’re not even smart enough to get hip to his game. Girl, stop letting this man in your life. Get rid of him, and his lies. That predator is fulfilling some fantasy and unless your name is Tinkerbell, then burst his fantasy bubble and kick his a** to the curb. Get yourself into someone’s school. Work on getting into a profession or career, and leave your granddaddy alone. It’s time that you recognize that when a man keeps you a secret it’s because you’re not someone whom he sees as important in his life. So, if you haven’t met his mother, family members, other kids, friends, co-workers, and other significant people in his life, then you are a non-motherf*****g factor! Stop allowing him full access to your life. He’s not worth your time, space, or energy. And, until you recognize this, you’ll always be hidden from his life. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

“LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

author terrance dean

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

Mogul      Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

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