Photo credit: Instagram Stans are the worst human beings on Earth. Completely-evil and relentless, stalker + fans are dark plagues upon humanity. More of a curse than gift to artists, stans devote their lives to defending famous strangers (who will never know they exist). Pathetic? Absolutely, but reality in celeb-obsessed America. Here are the ten worst celebrity stans. Take a look.
Beyonce A$AP Bey’s legion of psychotic minions live to protect the hive. If you ever criticize their Queen, leader and reason for breathing, they pop up at your house, job or even in your dreams with baseball bats, ready to fight.
Team: MJ Michael Jackson stans love every MJ complexion, tragically-sculpted nose and record ever. Insult their world, their everything, and they’ll come through your computer screen dressed like MJ in the “Bad” video. ALL of them. Photo credit: Instagram
Team: Obama President Obama has more thirsty Code: Orange groupies (disguised as supporters) than any other male celebrity, maybe ever. At times, he’s more of a GOD than political figure. Twitter search A) “President Obama can get it” B) “Obama smash oval office mistress” or C) “YAAAS” during his speeches. You’ll see. Photo credit: Instagram
Justin’s “Beliebers” Biebs’ monstrous fanbase famously threatened ex-girlfriend Selena Gomez because they didn’t like her for him. Mostly “Twilight”-obsessed tweeny-bops (with glittery pink rubber bands in their braces), they’re far more possessive and vicious than they seem. Photo credit: Instagram
Team: Kobe Basketball discussions start and end with Kobe, in the twisted minds of Kobe stans. Before Kobe, there was Kobe and after Kobe, is Kobe. Greatest to ever dribble a basketball? Kobe. Greatest in the game today? Kobe. That one night in Eagle, Colorado? Never happened. Reasoning with Kobe stans? Impossible. Photo credit: Instagram
Rihanna Navy RiRi’s unwashed fleet of hoodrats genuinely believe their dysfunctional shero can SANG. Like, in their Molly-damaged minds, she sounds exactly like Whitney Houston, not tortured tropical birds. Loyal? Yes, but the most thoroughly ratchet of ALL stans. Photo credit: Instagram
Team: Lil Kim The only people (in the universe) who still believe Liddo Kimmie is “beautiful” are her deeply-delusional stans. Currently embroiled in a Civil War with the Barbz, Kimmie stans patrol the internet and attack anyone who slanders their shero’s sock puppety-face. Photo credit: Instagram
Lady Gaga’s Little Monsters More like a cult than actual fanbase, Little Monsters are an army of socially-awkward weirdos and outcasts oddly-attached to Gaga. Not feeling Gaga? Never say this online because they WILL stalk you to the ends of the Earth. Photo credit: Instagram