I’ve been thinking long and hard about my current situation and I am stuck trying to figure out what’s right and wrong and I’m just hoping you can help me answer it.
Although, from reading your other responses to people, I think we all know what’s right and wrong, it’s just doing what’s right, that’s the hard part.
So, I’ve known this guy for about four years – three of those years we been hooking up. Just within the past year it has gotten a little more serious to where we hang out about 4 to 5 times a week. He claims he doesn’t want a relationship but his recent actions say otherwise.
For instance, we hang out to just hang out, no sex involved. He sleeps over a few nights a week and he gets very jealous if I even talk about other guys. Just recently he told me he had a very deep secret. He told me that he’s had intercourse with another man. At first it seemed like it was just an experimental kind of thing, but then he admitted that he likes guys who are more on the feminine side and if he hooked up with a transgender it wouldn’t matter. He also said at first that he was the giver not the taker and he sounded very stern about that. But, just recently, he has made comments that he wanted me to use a dildo on him and even buy a butt plug that we could share. This just totally caught me off guard. He did mention that the reason why he had a hard time letting go of his ex-girlfriend was because she accepted him for who he was. I’m guessing she got in on the action or she didn’t mind him having sex with another guy.
Now in the beginning of our relationship it was totally “Friends With Benefit” sort of thing, but as we started to hang out more and more I started to fall for him. Now with this situation I’m not sure what to do. I guess my question is…Is it ok for me to still fool around with a guy who is bisexual? Honestly it makes me feel kind of dirty, but my feelings for him are so strong that it’s hard to end it now. Please Gay Best Friend I need some guidance!!! – So Confused
Dear Ms. So Confused,
I can’t do you and this letter. As a matter of fact, I really don’t want to do you and this letter. I mean, come on!! The Africans must have braided your hair a little too tight. Or, perhaps the wig you’re wearing is too tight around your dome.
He is GAY, GAY, GAY! There is no bi-sexual about it. He’s GAY!
Run, Run, Run Little Red Riding Hood. The wolf is going to devour you and spit you out if you stay. So, put on your red hi-top Reebok sneakers (the old school kind from back in the day) and jet as fast as you can. There is no having a relationship with him, not unless you don’t mind sharing him with men.
But, let’s first address the issue of him telling you that he does not want a relationship. I don’t care what a man’s actions are, if he says he doesn’t want to be in relationship then guess what? That means not with you or anyone! So, there should be no confusion on your part about this. HE DOES NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP.
And, then he drops the bomb on you and admits that he likes guys. Uhm, sweetheart, he has told you what and who he is into. HE’S GAY! He likes men. He said he likes effeminate men and if he hooked up with someone who is Transgender that it wouldn’t matter. GIRL, please, come on! What more do you need to know? You can’t be in that much denial. But, then again, if he was laying it on you, I am sure that your womanly instincts got confused with your sexual desires because you’re obviously whipped on this man’s ding dong. HE’S GAY! He’s into men!
This man has lead you to believe that because he was the giver and not the receiver that he is not gay. Ms. Honey, you’ve just lost all your womanly, and DIVA card carrying privileges. Every man who claims to be on the down-low, or bi-sexual will tell a woman he is not the receiver because in his mind, if he is the receiver then that somehow makes him the one who is gay because only gay men receive. Don’t believe it or that. Any man who is having sex with another man despite if he’s the giver or receiver is GAY! But, many men think if he is the giver then he maintains his manhood, and him penetrating or receiving oral doesn’t make him gay. Girl, BYE! You and he both need to miss me, don’t call, and don’t send a letter.
But, hold up! Stop the presses and push rewind. You said he made comments that he wanted you to use a dildo on him and even buy a butt plug that you could share. Click! That’s me hanging up the phone and dismissing you.
In my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND, I have a chapter dedicated to woman like you and it’s called, Yes, Girl, He Is Into you – And Him, Too! I am going to share an excerpt about anal play that I wrote and Ms. So Confused, I beg, plead, and urge you to buy my book TODAY!
Brief Chapter Excerpt from my book:
Another sign your man is gay or on the down-low is when your man introduces new sexual positions, especially anal sex, and wants to have a dildo inserted inside him. Don’t be afraid to ask where he learned or saw this. I am sure he did not wake up one day and decide he wanted to try it. No. He has done this before. Sure, he may be a freak, and into all sorts of kinky things, but you should question these behaviors.
I want to tell you something, girlfriend, don’t do anything you are uncomfortable doing, especially if you have concerns about his sexuality. Your love for him is not based on the type of sex you are willing or unwilling to engage in. Love and protect yourself. It’s your body and your life. – Terrance Dean
Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!
Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean
Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!