Damn, is Ray J going crazy over Kimmy Cakes rise to stardom???
At this point most of you all have heard Ray J’s hilariously controversial single “I Hit It First”. Reactions to the tune have been polarizing at best, with some folks who LMAO’ing, and some who think Ray’s song is a “b!tc# move”.
Regardless of which side of “Hit It First” fence you stand on, most people can agree that Kim and her success is clearly still on Brandy’s little brother’s mind. It has been almost 6 years since the infamous chop-down tape leaked, why not just let sleeping dogs lie?
The folks at Complex spoke to a grief counselor about the track to find out what is going on in the mind of a man who acts out against his ex-boo thang.
“Stages of grief is really wrong,” explains Susan J. Elliot, the author of Getting Past Your Breakup: How To Turn A Devastating Loss Into The Best Thing That’s Ever Happened To You. “It’s more like phases. Phases, you go in and out of.”
Susan would know. She’s a best-selling author and New York City-based grief counselor with decades of experience, and someone who has experienced the painful loss of a loved one. When read the lyrics of Ray J’s single, she laughed (“That’s pretty good!”) before noting: “He’s obviously angry at something, and I can tell you as someone who was deeply in love with someone who died, that’s the angriest you’ll ever be in your life.”
…”One of the things that’s very difficult for people is to watch their ex move on to someone more successful than they are. That goes for anyone,” Miller explained. But she had another theory to explain Ray J’s behavior that may be more subtle: “There was the intervening Whitney Houston thing. He took her death very hard, and this might be one of the things that happens when you have a loss and you haven’t dealt with other losses: They all kind of come up together.”
“Many, many times people have their anger come out sideways when they’re not directly dealing with the thing they’re really angry about.”
In other words, Ray J may not simply be working out only the loss and successes of Kim Kardashain in his life, but other problems, too.
“This could be a compilation of all of his losses coming together, and part of his anger, part of his grief,” Miller noted, before warning that “it it doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s not over her. It just might mean that he never really grieved the end of [the Whitney Houston] relationship.”
That said, can somebody actually still not be “over” a relationship—no matter how superficial it was—ten years after it ended?
“Absolutely,” Miller said. “Time does not heal all wounds. That’s a complete myth. When people say it, it makes the top of my head blow off. If [it did], there wouldn’t be people who are still bitter about their divorce twenty years ago, or people who can’t talk about somebody who died ten years ago. They didn’t do their grief work—you obviously can see that.”
So Ray needs to lay back on somebody’s couch?
“I have to help my clients find outlets for their anger and their grief. If they’re a creative person, they’ll write songs, do things like that, write books and paint, do music, whatever it is. You have to have an outlet.”
If we’re to be optimists—and not frequent Breakfast Club listeners—Ray J may just be expressing himself as a simple function of being an artist. But, on the off chance that Ray J really is still in pain, is this indeed a cry for help?
“I would definitely recommend for him therapy with somebody who’s schooled in grief who knows what they’re doing,” Susan noted, with one catch. “If he’s feeling like: ‘Well, I’m okay, and this is just a song’—even though we know it’s not—he has to be the one who gets himself there. Usually, people only get themselves there when they have something happen so traumatic in their life that brings them to their knees.”
“A breakup is an opportunity to finally go back and see what’s wrong, and all the unresolved issues you have with other people in your life.”
Interesting. We’re not qualified to determine Ray J’s state of mind, but if he’s reading this it should definitely give him something to think about.