Dear Bossip: I'm Dating My Father's Friend Who's A Muslim & Has A Woman With 6 Kids

Dear Bossip,

I’m 22-years old, in college, no kids, and I work 2 jobs and I have my own place.

I am very independent. I normally don’t get into relationships because of trust issues. So, I’d rather have friends with benefits. But, I recently started talking to this older guy. I know him from around the way. He’s friends with my dad and everybody knows everybody where I’m from.

Well, I had my eye on him. I already knew some background info, but as much as I thought I knew. He’s 30-years old, has 6 kids, and has been with the same girl for 10 years. They’re Muslim—so you know what that means. In their religion when the woman garbs up she’s married. (I never seen him with a ring). They live together too, and her family lives within walking distance from me. I’ve heard different stories about him and her, but I want to be hardheaded and learn the hard way.

I already knew what I was getting into. I just didn’t know it would get as deep as it is now. We’ve been warned to keep apart, but it’s hard. We are so attracted to each other. He’s a good guy. He works and takes care of his kids, as well as me. I have bills in his name. He picks me up from work, pays for everything, and he always stays over at my house on the nights and days he doesn’t work. Sometimes my conscious kicks in and I feel bad, but I keep telling myself, “It’s not my problem. We’re just having fun.”

I know it’s wrong, but it feels so right. He has me open. I can’t get what he gives me from guys my age. But, we’re falling for each other. He worse than I. He’s very jealous and he’s always up under me. (It’s more than sex). I do like the attention. I can’t complain, but I don’t want us to get caught. This man calls me from his house phone and drives me around in his car. He’s made it clear to the other guys that we deal with each other.

But anyway, I’m only screwing myself over. This will blow up in my face soon and very soon. Although he denies a relationship with his baby mom (BULL-ISH!) He keeps saying he is in a bad relationship/situation. I got a feeling that if he gets out, it will be my fault. I don’t think I want to ruin a happy home nor become a scapegoat. But, I know he won’t leave her. It’s cheaper to keep her. If things do work out, I’ll lose him the same what I got him — At the hands of another woman. I want to leave him alone, but I can’t and no one knows the extent of our “relationship” or how serious we are. I want more, but I’m scared. What should I do? – Young & Dumb & Naïve

Dear Ms. Young & Dumb & Naïve,

I’m not clear of what you want me to tell you, or what advice you want from me. You’ve stated that you’re perfectly content in this “relationship,” and, “I knew what I was getting myself into.” You’ve convinced yourself that, “It’s not a problem. We’re just having fun.”

So, if you don’t see it as a problem, and you’re just having fun, then no matter what anyone says to you, you’re going to keep doing you regardless. You clearly have a mental disorder and you need some help. That is very obvious from your letter. The fact that you purposely sought out this man, knowing his situation, and you concocted this plan to seduce him, because as you’ve stated, “I normally don’t get into relationships because of trust issues. So, I’d rather have friends with benefits.” Then, you got what you were after. And, if this blows up in your face, then it’s because you deserve to have it blow up in your face. I hope it blows that cheap make-up off your face and pushes your lacefront weave back. KABOOM!

You’re the most dangerous type of little girl (I use little girl because I refuse to call you a woman), and every woman should take note of you, your letter, and how you operate. Thank you so much for revealing yourself to the world. This gives us insight into little girls like you who are spiteful, deceiving, evil, and conniving. Unfortunately, after this relationship fails you will grow into a woman who will become better, smarter, and wiser at sleeping with other women’s men. You’ll only use the mistake to become better at your game. And, it won’t be until some woman catches you with her husband and hurts you that you will wake your a** up. But, I doubt it. This is nothing but a game for you. And, you’ll be back on the hoe stroll trolling for another woman’s husband and man.

The fact that you don’t see anything wrong with dating a man who has been with his woman for 10 years and have six children, is a problem. The fact that you have bills in his name, is a problem. The fact that her family lives within walking distance from you, is a problem. The fact that he’s at your place days and nights he’s not at work, is a problem. The fact that he is a friend of your fathers, is a problem. And, the fact that he drives you around in his car, in public view, with no regard for his home life, is a problem.

You’re selfish, childish, immature, and a trifling trick. And, he is no better than you. He’s a low down dirty dog, and is a sleazy poor excuse of a man. On top of it, he’s a Muslim and is disrespecting his religious beliefs, therefore, he will be called and held accordingly once the brothers of the Mosque learns of his ways.

Your trust issues have distorted your mental and emotional well-being, therefore, you will hurt everyone else because of your issues. You don’t care about anyone but yourself, and that is the most dangerous type of person to know. What’s sad is that you don’t even care about your own family. This man is a friend of your fathers’, and, yet, you will still sleep with him despite their friendship. What’s worse is the hurt and pain this will cause your father to find out his own friend is sleeping with his own daughter. YOU HAVE A PROBLEM!

You don’t care about the children who will be impacted by this relationship and the damage it will cause them. The money he is taking from his household to pay your bills and take care of you. The time he is taking away from his children to be with you. The dad they will lose because some floozy decided she wanted to take someone’s father and dad to fulfill her own sexual desires, and pleasures. YOU ARE A TRICK!

You don’t care about the other woman and how it will hurt her, and may affect her mentally and emotionally. The potential damage it will cause her to take care of six children alone, and the emotional toil it will be for her. Naw, you don’t care about her, or anyone because you’re a little a** girl with trust issues, and purposely sets out to destroy people’s homes and lives.

So, no, I don’t have any advice for you other than to seek professional help and deal with your trust issues. You are damaged. You are emotionally and mentally unstable. Instead of pursuing older men, other women’s men, and purposely destroying other people’s lives because you’re hurt, how about healing yourself, and acknowledging that what you’re doing is morally and consciously wrong. Admit to yourself that your behavior is inappropriate, childish, and immature. Admit to yourself that you don’t have to lie, deceive, and manipulate others to get what you want. Stop this vicious cycle before it kills your spirit, your soul, and ultimately you. Learn to have true happiness, true love, and true honesty, and it requires you being happy, loving, and honest with yourself, and those around you. It requires peeling back the layers of pain and hurt and revealing what is causing you the damage, and why you want to damage others. When you can start the work on yourself, and the healing in your life, you will become the woman you desire and deserve to be. – Terrance Dean

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