Bossip Video

Dear Bossip,

I’m curious about a guy that I’m seeing named, “Vick.”

Vick is 42, divorced with 3 kids, but he lives alone. What attracted me to Vick is that he is a deacon-in-training in the church. Vick is the ultimate gentleman. He opens doors, calls me beautiful, LOL, and cares about me and my children and our well being. I mean what’s not to like about this guy?

Anyway, as time went on, Vick and I would go to the movies and afterward come back to my place where would sit and talk. This went on for a while, and then here comes the kissing. Naturally after kissing you know what comes next? I’m all hot and bothered and he would not pursue me whatsoever. Vick says, “I want to do things right because we are both Christians.” BUT, he performs oral sex on me (double standard).

So, this went on I know a good 7 times and I got fed up. I asked Vick if he had previous girlfriends. He got VERY emotional and threatened to leave me just because I asked that question. Long story short, he LOVES performing a**l o**l sex and gets VERY excited about it. I’m curious about him. Although, he says that he has an er**tile dysfunction, which I did see medication prescribed for him. We have had (penetration) sex I know about 3 times out of a 7 month time frame.

Vick has a lot of guy friends. He carries himself like he’s feminine at times. I want to know if it’s just me or is he gay. If he is that’s his prerogative. I just believe in keeping it real. – Keep It Real

Dear Keep It Real,

Uhm, sweetie, have you ever heard of someone who has a fetish? You know, those freaky-deaky people who get turned on, and excited from things others would find abnormal. Chile, I swear some of you who have not explored various sexual positions besides missionary and doggy-style will think anything out of the ordinary about someone who likes something a little different. Many women get their panties in a bunch over performing fe**atio on a man. “Ewww, I don’t do that!” Such prudes! Like I always say, what you don’t do another woman will.

Now, I understand how the behavior of Vick and his insatiable palette for A**l–o**l sex would cause alarm and make you wonder, “Is he gay?”  But, I think these he’s part of a club of men who love rimming, or tossing salad. Those are the slang terms we use on the street. However, the professional medical term for it is, anilingus (from anus + lingus (Latin Lingere: to lick). It is a form of o**l sex involving contact between the a**s of one person and the mouth (lips) or tongue of another.

It is an acquired taste, and for a lot of men it really, really turns them on. They love placing their mouths, and tongues deep between a woman’s buttocks pleasuring her. And, in return it stimulates a man causing him to reach a stiff er**tion, even, in the case of your deacon-in-training friend. And, perhaps it helps him with his er**tile dysfunction, and maybe it helps him to become aroused.

And, not to be prudish, but, ladies, you’ve got to get your heads out of the ground and check out some books on sexual pleasures because there are lots of unique and strange fetishes out there. Trust me, people can turn anything into a fetish. You’ll be amazed to discover how many men out there have secret fetishes, especially for various parts of the female anatomy.

And, many men love to talk dirty and see how freaky they can get with you. So, they slowly and delicately drop little hints about their fetishes. He may say how much he loves women’s feet, particularly yours. He loves the softness, smell, and look. He wants to sniff them, and put them in his mouth. There are some men out there shivering right now just thinking about it.

There are some men who have fetishes for women’s hair, breasts, hands, and stomachs. Some like leather, rubber, being dominated, and voyeurism. Whatever their fetish may be, it stimulates and arouses them even more than the act of sexual penetration. They don’t get off from penetration, but by their fetish. You did mention he has an er**tile dysfunction. So, this is something that probably helps him get into the mood, and it probably arouses him. And, he may have developed a fancy and fetish for women’s butts.

You’ll notice while your man is bed and he prefers and gives extra attention to the butt. They can’t get enough of it. And, ladies, men know there are other parts of your body that needs attention, caressing, and stimulation, however, his arousal and senses are for that one area, and one area only. He can spend hours servicing your anus and it will cause him to ejaculate without penetration.

But, Ms. Keep It Real, I want to mention also that your man is of the church, a deacon-in-training, and I feel that he may be trying to hold-on to his beliefs, especially in not having pre-marital sex. He may be conflicted on his religious beliefs in serving God, and having sex with a woman that he is not married to. You did state he said, “I want to do things right because we are both Christians.” And for him to perform o**l sex on you, he does not consider that as sex. A lot of people do not consider oral sex as sex. There is no penetration involved. Remember when former President Clinton said, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman?” He didn’t consider Monica Lewinsky performing orally on him as sex. However, I do strongly believe that your man, Vick, has a fetish for a**l o**l sex. All the signs and his stimulation about it points directly to your butt.

So, I say ask your man if he has a particular fetish or fancy for your butt. And, if that is not your thing, then let him know. Don’t waste your time, nor his because when it’s time for sex he will be mindful of your needs, but know that he can’t, and won’t deny his need to have his mouth buried deep between your buttocks. I also recommend the use of dental dams if you let a man perform a**lingus with you. Protect yourself because STD’s can still be transmitted through a**l o**l sex. And, chile, the next time he wants to stick his tongue deep inside you make it even more exciting and fun and get some Cool Whip, or jellies, and other flavored condiments to get into the action. Let him go to town tossing your salad, and in the midst of him getting his life, you do a slight flip, or toot behind higher in the air and let him go a little lower, and he will be all up in your va-jay-jay. Place your hand on his head and gently guide him to your pleasure spot. He will get the message and you can get yo’ life! – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

“LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
         

Comments

Bossip Comment Policy
Please read our Comment Policy before commenting.