Dear Bossip: I Give My Man Everything & Take Care Of Him, But The Other Woman Won't Leave Us Alone

Dear Bossip,

I’m 25-years old and have been with my boyfriend since high school. We have two kids together.

He doesn’t have a job. It’s hard for him to find a job because he is a felon and high school dropout. I have accepted the fact that he is broke, but I still love him anyway! When I was pregnant with the first child 6 years ago I told him that he didn’t have to do anything as far as bills are concerned. Just be there for the baby! My father wasn’t there for me when I was growing up and I want my kids to have a relationship with him! I worked and paid all the bills and took care of him as well.

We did start a business together with my money and my name, but we hold the household down with my income from work. Everything was fine until I found out he cheated! He admitted to cheating. I forgave him and we continued the relationship. Then, later I found out he had a baby on me with a different woman. I was devastated and angry to say the least. He told me he didn’t want that baby and it was a mistake. He claims the mom pushes the baby off on him and he doesn’t want to be bothered with either of them. LOL!

I told him I wouldn’t continue to provide for him if he is a part of that child’s life. It’s not fair to me and my kids if he takes time and or money away from us and spends it with the other baby. He is barely home as it is now. I spoke with the mother and she said that she would take care of the baby alone! I did tell her when we spoke that the baby was not welcome at my home. That my boyfriend knows he can’t bring the baby to my house. One day she called and he wanted to take the baby some medicine. I was very upset! I texted her and said he wanted a blood test. That’s what he told me so I let her know. I’m not about to have my man out here providing for a baby that’s not his and he is not doing anything for the kids we have together. The test came back saying he is the father. Now she has him on child support, but I thought she said he would take care of the baby alone? I have my own house, pay all my bills, and take care of my kids without his help so why can’t she do the same? I feel like I’m a better woman than her because I don’t depend on him for anything even though we are in a relationship and live together.

So, he went to jail for a few months and I was there for him the whole time. He begged me to get pregnant and promised to do right once he was released. I let him know about everything that he wasn’t doing around the house and said he would work on it and change because he loves me. I’m the only one who has been there for him all this time. He promised we would be a family and that he wouldn’t contact her or that baby ever again! I got pregnant soon after his release.

Everything was fine, but I would listen in to the voicemails she leaves him on his phone. If it’s not her it’s other girls I’m finding out about, but he assures me that it’s nothing and that he loves me and my kids only! I don’t always believe him, but I want to have a family. I want him in the household with our kids ONLY! All my friends and family know us as a couple. He does not bring any outside kids around and most of them don’t know anything about that baby.

He kept telling me that he was going to sign over his rights and get rid of them for good. I was very happy about that. So, the day of court came and I asked him what happened. He said nothing. I asked if he signed over his rights he said no. I was furious because he promised he would! I decided to write the mother an e-mail telling her everything. I wanted that b!!@@ to know how I felt. I told her about the settlement money that he got from an accident. He didn’t tell her anything about it and didn’t give her any money for her baby! It was thousands of dollars, but he put money in my new house because he loves ME and doesn’t care about her or that baby. That’s because he does not want that baby but she don’t get it. He is never there for the baby on holidays and doesn’t spend any time with the baby. He is there for my kids because he wanted them and we planned the second baby while he was in jail. So, I let her know he will be there for my new baby and my oldest child but not hers because they are unwanted. Ha ha ha, I let that lady have it!

Later on in my pregnancy I find out that he is still sleeping with her. He denies it, but I don’t believe it. I want to have faith in him, but it’s hard. Fast-forward to after I had the second baby a few months ago. He wanted money to take care of some things but something told me to listen to his voicemail before giving him the money! She was on there going on and on about being pregnant. He wanted her to have an abortion which she should have done! Now, she is expecting a baby but he said it’s not his. She mentioned something about some other girls being pregnant too. He said she is crazy and made that up. I have since heard rumors that he has a son that was born one week after my daughter by a different chick! I don’t know what to do at this point. I LOVE him with all my heart and have no plans to leave, but I want him to be right for me and my kids. I do everything right as a girlfriend. I give him money knowing he won’t pay it back. I buy cars he likes to drive, got the house, pay all the bills, and help him avoid paying that B@#*& child support.  I’m always there for him. What more could he want?

I really want to know why can’t she and these other chicks just leave us alone and let us be a family? He does not want those other kids. He has told me many times he only wants the OUR kids together and he shows it! – Loving My Man and Family

Dear Ms. Loving My Man and Family,

The birds are up early!

Sweetie, there is nothing I can do or say for you because you said, “I LOVE him with all my heart and have no plans to leave.” With that, and after reading your situation, there is no other solution as to what I can offer. To be honest with you, your man doesn’t want to be a family with you either if he is going out and making babies with other women and creating families with them! BOOM! BAM! POW!

You are doing everything for your man, and you’re asking what more he can want. Take a look at what he’s doing, and you will get your answer. He wants more women. He’s sleeping with every other woman, including you. Here we go again with you slow a** do-do birds with this community d**k you birds love sharing.

He wants you to take care of him for the rest of his life and he continues to be a lazy good-for-nothing bum with nothing but everything you gave him. If he is bringing nothing to the table, not contributing anything to you at all, then how is he a good man, and a good provider for you and your children? He is your third child you’re taking care of, and he doesn’t mind being a man/child because just like his momma, you’re taking care of him. Why are you taking care of a grown a** man?!? Wake up!

He won’t get a job, and quite frankly he’s not looking for a job. Why should he? You gave him an opt-out choice by telling him you would take care of all the bills, the household, and you give him anything he wants. What man/boy would turn this down? You’re the perfect woman for a man/boy. Are you taking anymore applications?

So, in reading your letter I’ve pointed out some issues that are disturbing.

Problem number one: Telling your man he doesn’t have to do anything as far as bills are concerned and to just be there for the baby. Ma’am, he is a grown a** man! He helped to bring your children into the world, then he should be helping to take care of his children. What the hell is wrong with you telling him that he doesn’t have to pay any bills, and that he can lay up in your house while you work and take care of anything! I swear you women love taking care of these grown men/boys.  He is not your child! But, when you’re desperate for a man you will do anything to get and keep one.

Problem number two: Why are you mad with the other woman that YOUR man/boy cheated on you with, got pregnant, and says he doesn’t want to be a part of her life or his child’s life? You angry birds are the worse. You’re mad at her, but not your man/boy?!? He cheated. He lied and deceived you, and you don’t know what lie he told her when they met. So, why be mad at her if she didn’t know you existed? UGH! And, why wouldn’t you want your man to be a part of that child’s life, but a part of your children’s lives, yet, you said your father wasn’t there for you growing up? So, it’s okay for your man/boy not to be there for his other child, and be an absent-father, and that will be okay for you? SMDH! Angry birds do angry bird things.

Problem number three: You wrote the other woman a letter telling her everything. Including the settlement money your man/boy got, and used it to buy things for your house, but he didn’t give her anything for his child with her. And, you’re bragging that you let her have it. Do you hear how you sound? Do you really know how silly and dumb you sound?

Problem number four: You started a business with your money, and put it in your name, yet, you and your boyfriend hold down the household with your income. And, then you buy him everything including cars, and give him money, and he’s running the streets meeting other women while you’re at work, and they are calling and texting his phone, and he is still not taking care of his other child. So, let me get this straight, you find this acceptable as long as he doesn’t bring the other child to your house, and he lies and tells you that the other women calling and texting are not what you think it is? Are you serious right now? So, what is it really they are calling and texting him about? I can’t with you hood rats!

Problem number five: The other woman is pregnant, yet again, and possibly by your man/boy, and he keeps telling you that it is not his, and you believe him. And, you learn there may another child but another woman that your man/boy has helped to create, but you want all these other women to leave you and your man/boy alone so you can be a family. I truly am at a loss for words. You truly believe anything this man/boy tells you, and will not see that he is the common denominator to all your problems, including his cheating, procreating with other women, and taking your money to spend on other women.  I can’t help you. You’re a woman who is blindly stuck on stupid, and d**k thirsty. Stop sucking from his nut sac!

Problem number six: Your man/boy goes to jail, and then tells you that he wants you to get pregnant, and you do only if he agrees to change, does what you want him to do, and for him to be a family with you and your kids. Then, you brag that you were holding him down while he was locked up. Chile, this can’t be life! Not in 2013!

Problem number seven: Read your statement: “I wouldn’t continue to provide him if he is part of that child’s life.” Did you re-read it? You won’t continue to provide for him. Huh? What? SMDH! And, then you threaten him by saying, if he is part of that child’s life. Uhm, sweetie, he will forever be tied to that child. He is the father! Dumba**! And, the other woman was smart enough to put him on child support. So, therefore, he will be in that child’s life for the next 18 years. SHE IS NOT GOING AWAY, AND NEITHER IS THAT CHILD! Then you wrote, “It’s not fair to me and my kids if he takes time and or money away from us and spends it with the other baby.” Ma’am, what money? You pay for everything and give him money. So, what money does he have? You can’t possibly be that slow.

Problem number eight: You go on this rant about how you don’t want the other child in your home, you don’t want your man/boy dealing with the child, and you don’t want anyone knowing about the child. Uhm, Boo Boo, that child is your children’s brother/sister. So, you don’t want them to know each other and be a part of each other’s lives because you’re mad at the other woman? But, it’s your man/boy who cheated on you and created this child. Why are you mad and taking it out on the child? The child is innocent and has nothing to do with any of this. It’s your man/boy who is the problem!

Problem number nine: He doesn’t have a job. He’s a felon. He refuses to take responsibility for his own life, therefore why do you expect him to be responsible for you and your children? Then, you have two children with him, yet, the only thing you demand from him is that he be a family with you, and not be married to you.  And, you’re asking what more does he want since you give him everything. Yet, you play house and let him lay up for free, and you don’t ask or demand anything from him.

Problem number ten: You wrote, “I have my own house, pay all my bills, and take care of my kids without his help so why can’t she do the same? I feel like I’m a better woman than her because I don’t depend on him for anything even though we are in a relationship and live together.” And, on this note, I’m done! You are a lost cause. There is nothing anyone can say or do that will get you to see what is wrong with this statement or your entire situation. – Terrance Dean