Dear Bossip: I Need To Choose Between My Younger Lover And My Ex

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Categories: Dear Bossip, Love and Relationships, News, Sex and Relationships

Frustrated Black Woman

Dear Bossip,

Hello. By the way, I heard you don’t like long letters. Well, here’s my issue.

Well, first off I’m a 27-year old single mother that has my things together.  Well, let’s just say I been friends with this guy since he was 16-years old and I was 19-years old. So, as you can tell he’s a little younger than me. Well, we’ve been through a lot over the years. I even got into a committed relationship with the father of my daughter, but after her dad decided to fall back out of both of our lives the other guy stepped in. But, I also decided to let him have fun and I got involved with another guy whom I met at my old job at Wal-Mart. He was a nice guy when we first got together, but the relationship moved kind of fast.  Only because I cared a lot for him and really felt he was the kind of man I wanted around my daughter.

Well, a year came and then on our second year together he cheated on me with his baby mama on my 26th birthday. The baby mama called my cell phone and gave me all the details. Now, I know I was crazy for putting him out that night, but I didn’t have too. He told me that he was leaving and he thinks that’s the right place he should be. Well, two, maybe three weeks went by, and his baby mama and him had a big fight. He came running back to my house. But, I let him stay for I think a week and he had to go. Well, I took him back, but I put my foot down. I really don’t like to have sex with him. We argue all the time, and I’ve been in the hands of my younger male friend, and lately I’ve been giving him all my warm cookies.

But, I really don’t know where we stand because I told him that I want to be with him, and that I’m willing to be committed to him, but he just got out of a relationship where the female was insecure. I don’t want to run him away, but I still talk to my ex, but he drinks and smokes weed entirely too much. But, he takes care of me financially. My young male friend shows no signs that he wants to get in a relationship. But, I feel like I got to make some choices and be with one person. So should I continue with my ex or try a relationship with the young male friend and take things slow? Please help a sista out! – Which Man Should I Choose

Dear Ms. Which Man Should I Choose,

(*   *) Blank stare at you and this letter. Where do you people live? What country-bumpkin small town do you people congregate and reproduce? Wherever it is, I swear all of y’all are related. SMDH!

I’m embarrassed and ashamed to even attempt to answer this madness. I’m truly confused and lost on the statement that you made saying, “I got to make choices and be with one person.” HUH?

You’re having sex with your younger male friend. He shows no signs of wanting to be in a relationship and, let me be clear, you’re asking me if you should try a relationship with him? How about you try being in a relationship with yourself. How about you try being alone and getting to know you? How about spending quality time with your daughter and raising her to not follow in your shoes or steps. I clearly can’t, I won’t, and I shall not be dragged into your crazy –ish today.

Let me ask you something and I really want you to think about it. If you’re with a man who cheated on you, you put him out, he goes to his baby’s momma’s house and he tells you that is the place where he should be, however, they fight, he comes back to you, and you let him, yet you don’t like having sex with him and he drinks and smokes weed entirely too much, and you’re having sex with another man, then why are you in the relationship with him? Why are you with someone you don’t like or love? Keep thinking. Keep thinking. Keep thinking. I know your mind is a little slow and it’s taking you some time to really think about it. I tell you, I know why most of you can’t score well on the ACT, SAT, or any tests. You don’t know how to comprehend. Chile, you think you’re taking a test with an A and B choice: Should I choose my ex or my younger friend? Well what about choice C – NONE OF THE ABOVE.

You see people this is why getting an education is the key to accessing your destiny and enhancing your mind. When you’re educating and empowering your mind you don’t have time for foolishness like this. You won’t get caught up and resorting yourself to self-defeating behaviors that cause you to devalue, depreciate, or belittle who you are. This is why it’s important to know your self-worth and value because if you don’t, then you will be writing letters like this and sitting at home watching Maury, Jerry Springer, and all the other nonsense during the day because you don’t have anything to strive for. You’ll be so wrapped up and caught up in a man, or men, who have nothing better to do than smoke weed all day, drink, have sex with you, and then berate, belittle, and demean you, and you will accept it because you don’t know any better.

Look, Ms. Which Man Do I Choose, I’m getting off my soap box because for someone to be 27-years old you clearly have the mindset of an adolescent. If the younger man has not made any attempts to be in a relationship with you, then guess what? He won’t, and he isn’t interested in being in a relationship with you. Honey, you are a jump-off. You are a trick he is sleeping with until he finds his next girlfriend. You’re something to do in the meantime and in between time. He doesn’t consider you girlfriend material, nor does he even consider you relationship material. HE DOESN’T SEE YOU AT ALL! Please get your life together, and by that I mean empowering yourself. Enrich yourself with knowledge and education about the importance of loving yourself and knowing what love is. I’m so tired of preaching the same thing over and over again. I swear every one of you who send in your letters think your situation is different, but if you take the time to read my responses to all of the previous letters, you’ll find you are no different, only the circumstance is different. Now, sweetie, I need for you to send in your application for the All-Girl’s Slow Learning Is Our Specialty Academy. You can do it. Yeah, you, sitting on the sofa. Aren’t you tired of life passing you by? Aren’t you tired of men treating you like you mean nothing, and you know you’re special? Go ahead and do something about it today. We’re having an open house in your area, and we will even pick you up and bring you to our campus. Just meet us at Dumb Street and Stupid Boulevard and the yellow bus will chauffeur you onto our sprawling campus. See you soon! – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

“LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

author terrance dean

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

Mogul     Hiding In Hip-Hop cover     Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

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