Dear Bossip: This Man Almost Destroyed My Life & My Job Made Me Divorce Him & He Blames Me For His Downfall

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Categories: Dear Bossip, Love and Relationships, News, Sex and Relationships

Black woman attitude

Dear Bossip,

I am 44-years old and have 5 kids who are all pretty much grown except my two teens.

I met a man who is 6 years younger than me and he was so nice and made me feel like I mattered. I am overweight, but I have a beautiful heart and soul. But, after a couple months he changed and called me horrible names and tore my soul out. Then, he said he was sorry and I listened to him tell me that he has been through sad and painful relationships with women and his mom.

So, I gave him so many chances then he seemed to be okay. Then, I noticed when he drank he became someone else. I always had to prove to him I loved him. I wouldn’t cheat and I couldn’t have friends because it was about us only. Then, I started to hear so many things about his violent past and how he had been in prison. I am not a judge so I gave him a chance. Then, we married. Why I don’t know :(

So, with my job I have to submit finger prints for any adult who lives in the home. His didn’t pass and I found out even more stuff that he had done as a teen. The state pulled my license and I couldn’t work for over three months or get a job due to the fact I was married to this man. I almost lost everything and couldn’t feed my kids or pay bills. He moved to his aunt’s home because I had to save my job to feed my kids and myself.

So, my job said I couldn’t be married to him. I filed for a divorce and felt so horrible, but I had to because he hasn’t worked ever since I’ve known him for the last 6 years. So, he sleeps in the park and calls me names and says it’s my fault. But, I paid his child support and supported him physically, financially, and mentally. And, when I couldn’t feed my kids or our dogs he just said what do you want me to do I don’t have a job.

He never told me he was bipolar. He’s made my life hell, him and his family. I just want to know, I guess, am I wrong for saving my job of 15 years to feed my kids? – Job Over My Husband

Dear Ms. Job Over My Husband,

Wow! I’m truly sorry for all that you’ve been through. This is truly traumatic and devastating. And, I want you to know, first and foremost, girl, you don’t owe him a damn thing! The hell is wrong with that man! Be glad that your job did you the favor and made you divorce him sooner rather than much later. Your life would have ended up with you destitute, crazy, homeless, and broke! No ma’am! No man is worth losing your health, wealth, mentality, and emotional well-being over.

But, look here, you had all the clues and insights into this man before you married him. You just didn’t pay attention because as you said you are overweight, and this man showed you some affection and attention. Uhm, sweetie, I don’t care how overweight or how you feel about yourself, but don’t ever let your self-esteem and self-worth be tied to how a man, especially a man who makes you feel good because you are uncomfortable and unhappy with yourself. He saw his way into your life, and his weasel a** squirmed right into it and played you.

And, I bet that is what happened. He made you feel good about yourself for a while, and once he knew he was in your good graces his ugly colors began to display. Once he called you out of your name the first time that should have been the last time. No amount of sorry, “I won’t do it again,” or, “Other women and my mom made me this way,” should have sufficed for you to take him back. Sorry! I’m not buying that bull-ish. Once a man calls you out of your name, it’s time to chuck up the deuces and bounce. It’s a foreshadowing of what’s to come from him – emotional, mental, and physical abuse is around the corner.

The next clue was his drinking. SMDH! Sorry, but a man who drinks to escape his problems is a man who is unstable and unworthy of your time and life. Why would you want to be in a relationship with a drunk? An alcoholic? Would you go to the corner and pick up a drunk man and move him into your house? Hell no! So, why would you continue to maintain a relationship with this man? I tell you that some of you women are so desperate to have a man you will do things that are detrimental to yourself, your family, and your well-being. It’s not worth it. No d**k is worth your sanity!

And, the other clue is this man not having a job. Uhm, sweetie, why, oh why, would you put up with a man who has not held a job for six years? After the first six months, hell, the first three months, and he didn’t have a job he should have been put out of your house! If he can’t earn his own money, then he can’t eat. If he is not contributing to the household, then he can’t stay. You don’t pay any bills, then you are not using and running up the electricity, water, cable, phone, or any other bills. GET TO STEPPING!

On top of it all you were paying his child support payments, and you supported him. Let me do some woo-sas!

This man lied to you and manipulated you. He played into your low self-esteem, and the pity party you have about your weight. He made love to you and you fell for the ole okey-doke. This is the dangerous drug of what d**k does to some women. A man in between your legs whispering the things you want to hear makes you feel good about yourself. However, all the while he is lying and deceiving you. He didn’t tell you about his violent past. He didn’t tell you about his prison record, his destructive behaviors, his bipolar, and why he is the reason and problem for why his life is a mess! You are not the reason his life is the way it is. Stop feeling sorry for him, and tell his a** to man the hell up!

So, change your numbers, locks on your home, and block this man out of your life. Move on, and be grateful that your job did you a huge favor and made you divorce this man. Be grateful that your job saved you and your children’s lives. Your job, and your ability to take care of yourself and your children, is far more important than this fool who tried to bring you down and destroy your life. And, you can always exercise and lose weight. You can always do things to change your physical appearance. It just takes some commitment, time, and love. And, in that love you work on you, heal yourself emotionally and mentally. You deserve better. Let his a** sleep in the park. That’s where low-life bums go when they don’t want to do anything but blame the world, and others, for their situation and problems. You are not his responsibility. Your responsibility is to you and your children. Believe that! – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

“LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

author terrance dean

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
Mogul      Hiding In Hip-Hop cover     Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

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