Dear Bossip: He Says He Doesn’t Want A Relationship, But He Calls To Go Out On Dates & I’m Confused By His Actions

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Categories: Dear Bossip, Love and Relationships, News, Sex and Relationships

Young woman older man

Dear Bossip,

I’ve read you blog on sleeping with him too soon, I and loved the advice you gave to the two women who wrote you for advice.

I’ve been dating this guy for a month now. I really like him, but he is 38-years old and I am 25-years old. We went on a couple dates and started texting each other every day. One night after our date, I invited him inside because I wasn’t ready for our date to be over. We made out and almost got in the position of having sex. I stopped him stating I don’t want to ruin this by sex because I’m really starting to like him. He said it was ok, and that he was starting to like me to.

Two days later he sends me a text saying he wasn’t sure if he wanted to get into a relationship with someone with a 13 year age difference. He previously told me before that his last relationship of 3 years was the same age difference. He said we should be friends for now and see where it goes. I have to admit I was heart-broken because I really liked him, but if he wasn’t comfortable then I’m not going to plead my case.

A week later he asks me out on another date, but I was sure it was just as friends. During the date he was sitting very close and touching my leg. I was confused. He then walked me to my car at the end of the date and he kisses me! Now I’m very confused because I thought he wasn’t sure about having a relationship with me. We went on another date and to clear the air I asked him if he still wasn’t sure about dating me because of the age difference. He said, “That’s a good question,” and chuckles. He continues to say, “I like you a lot it’s just that age difference. You seem more mature though.” He told me that the previous woman didn’t trust him, and in the beginning of their relationship she wanted his passwords to everything, which is unnecessary to me at the beginning of the relationship.

We went back to my place again. He stated before walking in my apartment that he could not stay long because he had to wake up early. We had a glass of wine and watched late night talk shows. We got a little close. We made out and did a, “just put it in for 4 strokes,” and decided to stop. He didn’t leave right after which surprised me, so I thought, “Well, maybe he does like me a little.” Then he made plans for this Sunday. He left at 3 a.m., which was longer then he said he was going to stay.

I’m confused! I’m not sure if he wants to have a relationship with me or just sex. Should I have sex with him during our romantic evening this Sunday or be upfront with him and ask him what Sunday night will mean? – Sex Or No Sex

Dear Ms. Sex Or No Sex,

You can’t be 25-years old! You cannot and will not play this game with me of acting naïve and dumb about this 38-year old man’s interest in you. You cannot be serious! You can’t be! SMDH!

Ma’am, the man told you he was not interested in a relationship. What part of that statement do you not understand? I don’t care what his actions are saying, which I will address in a minute, but the man has told you that he is not interested in a relationship. Thus, HE IS NOT INTERESTED IN A RELATIONSHIP. DUH!!! He is only calling you to go out because he wants your gush-gush! He only wants to stick and move. And, you keep letting him get closer and closer to his goal.

Girl, this man just wants to get in your pants, and he has made that abundantly clear. VERY CLEAR! But, what I’m trying to understand is that after the very first date and you went back to your place and then got into the position to have sex but stopped him and said you didn’t want to ruin it by having sex because you really liked him. So, you got into the position to have sex and then stopped him? You didn’t think about this before you laid on your back, spread your legs, let him climb in between your legs, and then stopped him and said, “I don’t want to ruin this.” I compliment you and he on not going any further. That is truly commendable, however, don’t put yourself into those positions again with any other man. If you know you like them, then send them home and let them know up front that you are not going to be laying with them simulating sex or giving them any indication you are interested in sex. Just end the date and you go in your house, and they go home! You are not twelve or thirteen years old. Act your age!

But, this is what I want you to understand and be very clear about. Two days after your first date he sends you a text stating saying he doesn’t think he wants to be in a relationship with someone with a 13 year age difference. Ma’am, the man sent you a text. He didn’t call you, didn’t say this to you face-to-face, he texted you! He’s a weak a** man. He didn’t have the decency to call you, or tell you that he didn’t think it would work. He did this via text. He told you that you should just be friends and see where it goes. He is a grown a** man and he doesn’t have the balls to say this to you appropriately? Uhm, why would you even want to continue dating this man? Why put up with him and be bothered? He isn’t worth your time.

Then, he a week later he asks you out and you go? SMDH! Why? Then, after another date he’s all up on you, kisses you at the end of the date, then he comes to you place, again. He tells you can’t stay long because he has to get up early. But, then you made out, and he put it in and did four strokes and stopped. (SMDH! Men and women still do this. “Let me put the tip in. I promise I won’t come. Just let me put it in.”) LMBAO! Then, he didn’t leave immediately afterward, and you were surprised because he said he had to get up early the next morning. SMDH! You can’t be this slow. You can’t be! Ma’am, he was waiting for you to let him “put it back in for a few more strokes.” LMBAO!

The man does not want a relationship with you! The man only wants to have sex with you. He just wants a booty call. He wants you to be his side chick. He’s stated he doesn’t want to be with someone 13 years younger than him. HE DOESN’T WANT TO BE WITH YOU! Accept that and move on! Jeez!

Why are you considering or thinking this man likes you? Because he called you up a week later after he texted you and told you he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, but wants to go out on a date and you accepted his invitation for the date. So, he figured you must be okay with just being in a sexual relationship because he’s made it clear he doesn’t want any other type of relationship with you. And, yet, again you lay on your back, spread your legs and let him put it in. But, stopped because of what? You like him? You feel confused by his actions and what he wants.

Honey, it’s not about him! It’s not about what he wants! It’s about what you want. Stop acting like a school girl and grow the damn hell up! You are a grown woman! THINK DAMN IT!

He only wants to have sex with you! I swear some of you won’t and refuse to be honest with yourselves when a man tells you what he wants from you. Especially when he makes it clear what his intentions are. How do you say you’re confused? Confused by what? He is feeling you up, kissing you, putting the head in and doing four strokes, and all the while he’s saying he doesn’t want a relationship, and you say you’re confused. Even during mid-stroke you ask him what does this mean and he says to you, “Baby, I don’t want to confuse anything, let’s just enjoy this,” and you agree, but still say you’re confused. LMBAO! Do you eat bird seed?

There is no reason to go out on another date, not unless you simply want a sexual relationship with him because that is all he wants. He is not into you the way you are into him. He doesn’t want to go further with you. So, unless you are okay with this, and all you want is sex, then be honest with yourself and him and say you just want sex. But, you want more. You want a man. You want a relationship. And, my sweet dear, he is not the man, that man, Mr. Right, or Mr. Perfect. Stop while you’re a-head (that was a pun). LOL! – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

“LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

author terrance dean

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

Mogul     Hiding In Hip-Hop cover     Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

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