Dear Bossip: This Woman He Used To Mess Around With 2 Years Ago Has Popped Up With A Baby Saying It’s His

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Categories: Dear Bossip, Love and Relationships, News, Sex and Relationships

Man Frustrated With Woman

Dear Bossip,

I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year and a half everything has been going great.

He is my best friend and I cannot see myself without him. A few months ago my boyfriend got a call from a girl he used to mess around with. They messed around for about a month when a man approached him and asked was he sleeping with his wife. She turned out to be married and the husband was stationed in another state. Long story short she became pregnant. My boyfriend asked if the baby was his and she said no. She was on birth control, plus they used a condom.

A few weeks ago she began calling saying the baby is his and he needs to take care of his responsibility. Now, my problem is her attitude. She is angry because he has asked for a blood test. The child is 2 years old, so more than 2 years has passed without a word from her. She also has texted him at 12 o’clock in the morning asking him where he was at? Which he showed me immediately. My problem is her intentions do not seem right. There is absolutely no reason why you should be asking him where he is. She also threatened to put the “white people” in his life which is the most ignorant statement I have ever heard. Which is why I choose not to entertain the stupidity.

I wouldn’t have a problem if she approached the situation differently and said I messed up I just need to know. It’s nothing like that. She called and said I’m not giving you a blood test, you knew, but, yet her husband signed the birth certificate! I understand it is before my time and I do not have a problem with him being a father. I would never stop that. I just do not have time for drama!

As a woman I could not see myself respecting her. You do not hide the fact that someone has a child and come back with an attitude. I know plenty of women who have had children and I couldn’t see myself doing anything like this. This -ish belongs on Maury. My boyfriend is fed up and the last thing I want is for him to not be in the child’s life. I know my attitude and the last thing I want to do is beat this girl down for her mouth, but she continues to push my buttons. Please help me with this mess!!! – Other Possibilities

Dear Ms. Other Possibilities,

So, I just want to get this correct: Your boyfriend had an affair with a woman, and it turns out she was married. And, she ends up pregnant, and two years later she pops up out of the blue saying the baby belongs to your boyfriend. But,  this all happened before you and he got involved with one another.

Hmmm, I’m still trying to figure out why are you the angry one, and writing in to me for advice. Why are you getting your panties in a bunch over an issue that has nothing to do with you? This is between your boyfriend and his fling he was banging. Why are you involved with this drama? Why are you getting upset, angry, and ready to fight her because of something that happened before you two even knew one another? You don’t know the dynamics of their relationship. You don’t know what happened and what went on with them before you. All you have is his word and his side of the story. You don’t know the full story. You don’t know all the dynamics and what went on between them. You don’t know what he told her, and what she told him. And, I wouldn’t be so quick to take his side and his word. He’s only told you what he wants you to know. So, ma’am, why are you invested in this drama, story, and situation? It has nothing to do with you.

I suggest you speak with your boyfriend and tell him that this is his situation, and he needs to work it out. It may be interrupting your life, and your relationship, however, he should have thought about all of this when he was banging her back out for a month then discovered she was married, she ended up pregnant, but she denied it was his, and they decided to move on from one another.

I agree with you that her attitude and how she is handling the situation is out of order. And, it is childish and immature. But, again, what does this has to do with you? He needs to put her in check, go get the blood test, and if she continues to refuse he can go to the courts and demand a blood test to get this resolved. He should block her number, and only be in communication with her regarding the child, if it is his. And, if her husband signed the birth certificate, then he certainly needs to resolve this in the courts. Trying to handle this on his own with her, and without the legal system will only result in more drama, more stress, and continued arguments, interrogations, and someone getting hurt.

So, tell him to go to the courts, file a complaint, and ask the judge to give them both a blood test and get to the bottom of this. You, my dear, stay out of it. Let him handle this and take care of his business. He has to learn how to handle his own dramas, and issues especially when they have nothing to do with you. You can be a support system to him, and for him, but don’t get involved with this mess because you will find yourself getting upset, angry, stressed, and if you put your hands on her then you will find yourself dealing with courts, jail, and possibly a record. And, for what? Is it worth it? Is it worth it to let her antics and behavior get you riled up and this has nothing to do with you? Chile, puhlease! Tell your boyfriend to man up and handle his business, and get this resolved quick, fast, and in a hurry. And, stop going back and forth with this little girl causing havoc in his life. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

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author terrance dean

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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