I hope this finds you well. I have a situation. I met my brother’s friend at his graduation party.
My brother is a cop. His friend is a detective. Intelligent guy, fun, and frisky. After the graduation party, he asked me out for a drink. We talked, laughed, and didn’t want the night to end (He is 35-years old and I’m 33-years old). He went in and kissed me that evening. It threw me off as I thought that was a bit ballsy. But, I liked it.
He proceeded to call me the next 3 days. We had open conversation. We ended up having phone sex. Then he goes away for a weekend and really stopped calling. I assumed he would be asking to hang. Nothing. Small texts here and there. Two weeks later he came to see me at my job, as he works close by. We had a brief 15 minute encounter. Following that, two days later, he called at 9:30pm on a Friday night. Now of course I didn’t pick up as it was 9:30 at night and we had no plans for a date. But, I called him back and left a voice mail. Nothing.
Well, it’s been about 3 weeks and nothing. I called him out of the blue the other day, and in a playful way I said, “Is this what we doing? All this radio silence.” His reply was, “Hahahahha.”
With this being said, there was much chemistry, attraction, great conversation, and all the elements to start something. Why would he pull away? Is it that he is my brother’s friend and doesn’t want to start something if he is not serious? Maybe he’s not into me, but looking for a fling and thought twice about it. I asked my brother if he has a girlfriend, and my brother told me no, but that he has women. I’m confused. Why would he go in the first week, come visit a week after and completely no interaction since? Any advice on how I should approach this?? – Confused With Mixed Signals
Dear Ms. Confused With Mixed Signals
I swear I’m going to change my identity to the Wizard and start giving out brains. This can’t be life in 2013 and folks can’t get a clue, hint, or smell –ish when it’s right under their nose. I bet if a bird landed on your head and perched a nest and pecked gently on your head to nudge you to wake the hell up, you would still miss the clues. SMDH!
The man is not interested. He doesn’t want a relationship with you. He isn’t interested in seeking anything with you other than probably, and I’m stretching here, the possibility of getting into your pants, blowing out your back, and moving on without any commitments. But, he can’t do that because 1.) You are the sister of his friend, and they both happen to be cops. So, perhaps there is a code among them not to get involved with fellow cop family members. 2.) You wouldn’t know how to handle just being a booty call because he knows you will develop feelings, want to take it further, and if and when it ends it will cause tension with him and your brother. 3.) If you and he did have a fling you wouldn’t know how to keep your mouth shut because I’m sensing, like he is, that you will get all up in your feelings and emotions and start blabbing your mouth. (Re-read your letter for clues and insights on that).
If a man is interested in a woman he will make the effort, and will make his intentions known. He won’t disappear for days on end, not call, or text here and there. He won’t show up on your job because you are conveniently close by, and visit for 15 minutes, then you don’t hear from him from days on end. Also, if he would show up at your job, and he is interested, then he would bring flowers, a card, or some token of affection. He did not. Yeah, the gesture of him showing up was nice, but he was empty handed. I’m just saying.
Then, he called you on a Friday night at 9:30pm. Uhm, sweetie, let’s just be real and call this what it is, a booty call. He was trying to set up some a** for that night. Why would he call on a Friday night, and you didn’t have plans earlier, or prior to meet? I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he was probably calling to see if you would be interested in getting together some time that weekend. But, let’s not fool ourselves here. When you went to return the call, you got his voicemail. And, he still hasn’t returned the call. So, I guess I was correct in my assumption that he was calling to set up some a** for the night. Again, I’m just saying.
Next, three weeks have gone by without you hearing from you. And, you call him and playfully (But, honestly, you were serious), you say, “Is this what we doing? All this radio silence.” And, his reply was, “Hahahahha.” Girl, please grow the hell up and stop acting like you’re 13-years old. This man laughed you off, and still has not called or made any attempts to move forward with you. He thinks you are a joke. And, so does everyone reading this. LMAO!
Finally, you ask your brother if he has a girlfriend, and he told you that he has women. Uhm, boo boo, that is a clue and your brother’s way of telling you the man is a hoe. He is a womanizer. So, you won’t, are not, and will not be special to this man. And, this is the very reason why the man doesn’t want to get involved with you because you are going to your brother asking questions and interrogating him about a man who is not returning your calls, or reciprocating your interest. You are putting your brother in the middle of this, and that is a no-no. They work together, and they may be friends, but don’t put your brother in the middle of it. Handle this as a woman, and take care of your own –ish!
Get the man on the phone, ask him the serious questions, and get him to reveal why he has stopped showing interest. Ask him what he is looking for, whether or not he wants a serious commitment, if he is looking for a relationship, and does it matter that your brother is his friend and fellow cop. Only this man can answer the questions you seek. And, if he keeps ignoring you, then take it on the chin, count it as he’s not interested, and move on. Don’t harass, keep calling, texting, and worrying about someone who is not interested or thinking about you. Plain and simple. – Terrance Dean
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