I first want to say thanks for all the great advice to the ladies. Although you can be brutal at times, your words are always on point.
I find myself confused and need your advice. I’ve been dating this man “Marcus” for eight months. He is an electrician. With his job, he travels from city to city (Here in Georgia). His latest assignment landed him in my city. We met, hit it off well, and have decided to become a couple. Things are great. He treats me very well, and I am very happy.
Last weekend, we went out with a few of his co-workers for drinks. He got pretty wasted. He and I were having small talk. He said to me he was surprised that I wasn’t married. My response was something to the effect of I was surprised he was single. He then blurted out he was kind of not single, but was just unhappy. I was shocked. I was like you have a girlfriend? He then realized what he had said, and was like he didn’t mean it like that. He meant he was unhappy in his last relationship with the mother of his two girls. I’m like that doesn’t even make any sense. I really am skeptical at this point.
Yesterday I walked up on him talking on the phone telling someone that his kids mom is a stay at home mom, and he has to pay all her bills due to his girls. While I do understand him doing this, it still can be a sign of him actually still being with her and just taking care of home while he’s away working. After I overheard his phone conversation, I asked him again was he still with the mother of his girls. He keeps saying no. Then we were watching Tyler Perry’s, “Confessions of a marriage Counselor/Temptations,” and he said something suspect again. He said, “I have to make sure my kids mother see this movie. I want her to see what happened to the marriage counselor at the end.” I sarcastically said, “Yeah, let’s call her now.” He then said he was sorry and didn’t mean anything by it.
I’ve heard of men having a different woman in every city here in Atlanta, and I want no parts of this for myself. He keeps saying he is single, but I don’t know if I believe him anymore. By the way, he’s a Libra, and they are charming liars from what I hear. I don’t know what to believe. If he has a girl, I will end things. I just don’t know if he does. What do you think? – Ms. I Think I’m Being Gamed
Dear Ms. I Think I’m Being Gamed
Face palm, face palm, face palm. SMDH! I know it’s a shortage of men in Atlanta, but DAMN!
Are y’all down there willingly and knowingly sharing community d**k? You lie to yourself, or you convince yourself that as long as you don’t see it or her, then it’s okay. It’s just speculation. The thirst is heavy.
Ma’am, you got all this damn evidence smacking you in the damn face and you still refuse to acknowledge what is painfully obvious. YOU ARE NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND. YOU ARE A SIDECHICK. He has revealed critical information regarding another woman, children, her staying home and him paying all the bills. Yet, you allow him to slick talk you out of what you hear, feel, and know because why? Why don’t you want to believe what you’re hearing or believing? What about this man is so amazingly wonderful that you refuse to believe your own ears, instincts, and personal judgment?
I don’t get some of you women. Evidence can be staring you right in your face, hell, it can be written in 24-font posted on the wall, and all the details, pertinent information, and involved parties can be listed, yet, you still refuse to acknowledge it because you want a man. Any man. A piece of a man. Just some man in your bed and banging you out. UGH!
Liquor is a truth serum. It is the devil’s elixir. You want some information from someone, wait until they are drinking, or are drunk, and it all comes out. They will reveal everything. And, this traveling electrician, whom you met while he was visiting your city, and whom you decided to start a relationship with without knowing too much about him, reveals to you that he is “kind of not single.” What the hell is that? Either you are single or not. Duh!
But, against your better judgment, and instincts, you continue the relationship with him. Why? Please explain why you continued to see this man. But, then you walk up on him during a phone conversation and learn that his children’s mother is a stay-at-home mom, and he pays all the bills. Uhm, sweetie, how much money is this man making? She can afford to be a stay-at-home mom, and he pays all the bills, and he can entertain you with dates? Ma’am, I’m going to need for you to use your cognitive thinking skills and start making some deductions. He is living with her! They are a couple!
Want to know how I know this? Have you been to his home? Do you know where he lives? No you have not. And, you never will because he lives with her. I’ll wait while you shake your wig with your mouth wide-open and that look of shock on your face.
Pulls out my bull-ish calculator and begins adding –ish up. 1.) He travels for his work from city to city within your state. Don’t trust him. Think about it, you met him while he was in your city. Thus, adding one city and multiply that by him visiting several cities within the state, then let me do the square root of him meeting other women the same way he met you. Uhm, my deductions indicate he is a traveling hoe and that you are not the only woman he is banging, or spending his time with.
2.) Based on your letter it seems you spend a lot of time hanging out in your city, and at your place of residence. Let’s see here: Add him coming to your home all the time and visiting you in your city and at your place. Then divide the fact that this gives him the ability to not be seen in his own hometown, and reduces the likelihood of him running into someone he knows, or, lying to his wife/girlfriend, or whomever she is to him, that he is out working. Now, let’s add all this up, and BOOM! He’s a liar! He’s manipulative and deceptive. Notice that when he gets caught he immediately results to the sorry, and apologetic excuse of he didn’t mean it, or anything by it.
3.) You don’t know where he lives. You’ve never been to his home. He spends all his time visiting you, and you women fall for the ole okey doke because he’s driving to come see you. He’s taking the time out of his schedule to visit you, and spend quality time with you. Uhm, NOOOOO! It’s because he knows how to conveniently lie to his wife, girlfriend, or woman he is living with, and he has a few hours to get away and he comes to spend it with you. Now, you add that –ish up and you tell me what you come up with.
Look, the man has lied to you on several occasions, and you’ve caught him in the lie. Why won’t you trust yourself, and the gut feeling you’re getting? If you don’t trust yourself, then it’s easy to allow someone to come into your space and lie to you as well. So, ask him to be honest and tell you the truth. Present your facts to him of what you know. But, he’s going to continue to lie to you because that all he knows how to do. So, that’s when you ask him if you can visit him at his home. Ask if you can spend some time at his place, and that you want to hang out in his hometown instead of yours. As he stutters, and makes excuses as to why you can’t visit him, or come to his place, then you politely escort him out of your home and bid him adieu. You can play this game with him if you want, but know that the game will end with you never being his woman. You’ll always suspect him of cheating, lying, and being deceptive. You’ll wonder when he’s not with you, then what is he doing, and with whom. So, I suggest you end the game before it begins, get the truth out of him, and then decide how to move your piece on the board. – Terrance Dean
Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share
your opinions and thoughts below!
Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel
(Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop
(Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life
(Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!