Dear Bossip: I’m Wondering If I Should Go To College Where My Online Boyfriend Lives, But We’ve Never Met

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Categories: Dear Bossip, Love and Relationships, News, Sex and Relationships

Black woman at computer

Dear Bossip,

I am an 18 year old woman who will soon be turning 19 in a few months.

I have recently met a man online and he is the same age as me. We have been dating for over a year, online, and have fallen in love with each other. Our relationship has been rocky due to the distance, but we have managed to persevere.

After over a year long period of dating, we think it’s time that we should meet each other in person. The only problem is that he lives in another state than I do. I was looking into going to college within his state so I can get my education, but also be with the man that I love. The only dilemma I am having is should I go to his state for college or should I stay in my state where it would be way cheaper for me to go to school. What if he is not everything I expected him to be? What if he is? Also, I would be leaving all of my family behind to be with this man I have never physically met…. out of “love.” My family does not know about us having an online relationship either. I don’t want to pass on something that can be a beautiful relationship. But, I also do not want to go over there and spend all this money to just be disappointed. Please help! – Online Love

Dear Ms. Online Love,

Where do you people come from? Seriously. Do you live in the backwoods with no access to television, up-to-date modern technology, and you’re on some dial up internet? Ugh! Girl, you’re being Catfished and don’t even know it.

We live in the modern era where you can Skype, Face Chat, and we have all these other mediums to see someone online, yet, you’ve never met this so-called boyfriend you’ve been communicating with for over a year, and you say you’re in a relationship. Bwahahahahaha. Ma’am, first of all, you’re not in a relationship. How can you be in a relationship with someone you’ve never seen, or met? And, you say that you’re 18 years old and going to college soon. Must be nail school or beauty school. (No shade on the nail technicians and beauticians). But, we all know that it ain’t no way in hell that you can be applying to a four year institution, and you’re acting this damn dumb!

And, I don’t understand why you women who meet these men online are so quick to jump up and rush to go meet an unknown man in a whole other state. You see an avatar, or some photo of this random man, and you’re willing to go across state lines to meet him. You’ve never met him, been in a public setting with him, and not even on a simple coffee date. Yet, you’re willing to spend money on a plane ticket, or get in your car and drive to some undesignated area to meet this man. And, again, the only communication you have with him is online. But, you feel you have this wonderful, loving, emotional connection all because he’s been telling you some things you want to hear. He’s filling your head up, making promises, and selling you on these online pipe dreams of a destined love that you and he have. Chile, these internet hustlers are the new pimps! LOL!

First of all, sit you’re a** down somewhere. Ole thirsty a** youngin! Never travel to go meet a man you’ve met online, and especially if he lives in another state. If you’ve been communicating with him for over a year, and you’ve never met in person, then make his a** set up a Skype account, or some video chat and you communicate through this medium. Stop all these shenanigans and all this bull-ish talking about you’ve never met. We have modern technology that can fix all of that.

Then, if he is serious about seeing you, and meeting you, and he claims you’re his love, and all this other bull-ish, then he needs to be buying a ticket or driving to come meet you at a public place in your city. Don’t you travel to go meet him. Calm your hot p**y down! If a man wants a woman, and he is serious about her, then he will make the means and provide the ways to get to her. And, if he decides to travel to you then meet him at a Starbucks, mall, or someplace filled with other people, and bring a friend with you. Don’t meet this man alone. You don’t know him. Treat him like a stranger. I don’t care how long you’ve been talking with him online. Remember, you’ve only been talking with him online, and you’re going to need a voice of reason with you to tell you the truth about his character because your ole man thirsty a** won’t be able to judge clearly because you’re so caught up.

No, don’t base your decision on college over some internet love. The hell you sound like! Your college choice should be solely based on the fit of the school for you and the program you wish to study, and can you afford the tuition. It should not be because of some random a** man you’ve been talking to online for a year, and have never met. (Are you applying to some technical college?)

Anyway, never ever make a major life choice or decision on someone who is not that important in your life. And, no he is not that important because if he was it wouldn’t take him a year to come meet you in person. If he was really serious about you, and wanted to be with you, then he would make the provisions to get to you. Again, don’t make major life choices for a man who is not willing to make major life choices for you!

And, you need to tell your parents, friends, and other people about this fake a** online relationship. Someone needs to talk you’re a** down from the ledge of the world wide web. Get your –ish together, and stop all this internet sexting and loving. Get focused on what you need to be doing, and that is getting your education. Which leads me to this: Choose the appropriate college for your field of study, and one that you can afford. Common sense rules out everything in this situation. You say you can’t afford to go to school in another state, well, then the easy choice is to stay your a** at home. Duh! And, who is say that this relationship will pan out if you move to his state. It may not even work. Then what? You’re stuck with high a** student loan debt over a man. Girl, stop! And, if leaving your family, friends, and loved ones to go to a state is solely based on this internet relationship, then no, don’t go. Grow up, get your head out of the internet, and get back to reality. You’re being Catfished. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

“LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

author terrance dean

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
 
Mogul      Hiding In Hip-Hop cover      Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

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