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Dear Bossip,

I’m dating a man 18 years older than me. He’s been awesome to me. I love him so much!! And I know he loves me.

But, I’m confused about knowing whether or not if he sees me as long term or short term. First off, I met him on an escorting site, (Yes, I did escort because I was desperate in finding a job). But, as I was leaving the industry, telling him I’m moving to Georgia and get my life together, he offered to come to Georgia to see me.

He paid me for the first few visits, until I caught feelings for him and didn’t want to accept his money. Now, it’s a year later. We’ve still been seeing each other, and we’ve gotten sort of serious. He feels very strongly about me seeing other people due to it being called cheating! So, we are in a relationship. He’s legally separated and has a baby mom. I’ve met his close friends in his car crew, but not his mom or daughter. And, he hasn’t met mine yet either. I’ve asked him about being introduced to his mom and daughter, and he said he would, but when it came down to it he reneged on it.

I love him so much, but I don’t want to waste my time. I’m on my feet now.  He lets me drive his car back and forth to work, and I have his credit card for emergencies (even though I use it way more). But, I just want to know from a man’s perspective how would you view me? Is he ashamed of me? I’m so confused. Please reply. – From Escort To Love

Dear Ms. From Escort To Love,

Julia Roberts from Pretty Woman you are not. This is not a fantasy turned reality, and you live happily ever after. Girl, please get the starry eyed Hollywood fantasy and story out of your eyes, and see the –ish for what it really is.

You are still an escort for hire to him. HELLO! Even though you left the industry he only put you on reserve for him, and him only. You’re on a long-term hold for services rendered, and he’s given you carte blanche, well, a credit card and driving one of his cars. You’re a trick that got tricked. Bwahahahahaha! Honey, you’re not in a relationship. How can you be?

Ugh! Look at the situation and the facts. I swear intelligence and common sense is lacking today in folks. 1.) You drive his car back and forth to work, and you have his credit card for emergencies, but you use it for way more. Uhm, sweetie, you’re spending his money, and in return he is getting sex from you. The dynamics of your situation with you as the escort and him as the “John” has not changed. He is still paying you, and you are still giving him sex in return. Duh! You’re just his exclusive escort now!

2.) You’re sleeping with your “John” on a permanent and exclusive basis because he didn’t want you seeing other people because he called it cheating. How the hell is it cheating if he was paying you? He is the one cheating. He is cheating on his wife! I don’t care if he is legally separated. He is still married. (Blank stare at you!) And, then, I’m sure he threw the ole okey doke, and gassed your head up with some foolish a** bull-ish about being exclusive, making you his potential wifey, and his woman. And, you’re a** fell for it. Ma’am, you’re still on a permanent retainer for services rendered. The hell! Wake up! Even I know the rules about escorting, and rule number one is never, ever fall in love or make a “John” your permanent and exclusive boyfriend. You’ll always be the side piece. The trick.

3.) You’re not in a relationship. Please explain to me how you’re in a relationship. He’s legally separated, not divorced. So, he is still married. You’re dating a married man. How many times have you been to his home? Do you know where he lives? Have you been to his job? Have you met his co-workers? Yeah, you met his boys in his car crew, but they are homies that are part of his social life. He was showing you off as his trophy piece so he can brag to his friends that he is blowing your back out. Ma’am, have you met any of his personal friends? Does his best friend know you? And, yes, you have a credit card, but, it is an incidental card he got simply for you. It’s not one of his major credit cards. Trust and believe that. Do you have access to his banking information? Do you even know where he banks? What are his stock options, 401k, retirement plan, or other pertinent banking and savings information? Please fall back, and stay in your escort lane!

4.) You haven’t met his mother and daughter. He always reneges on making the introduction. Sweetie, you will never meet his mother and daughter. You are the side piece. You are his trick. You are still an escort to him, and will always be. How will he explain to his mother and daughter who are you, and how you met? How will explain how and why this beautiful young woman is dating this older and not so attractive looking man? There is an 18 year difference between you two. What will you say about your undying love for one another? Yes, you can lie and come up with some ole bull-ish story of how you met someplace, or through a friend. But, the truth will eventually come out.

Honestly, and truthfully, Ms. Honey, he is ashamed of you. You will never be this man’s wife, woman, or someone he will take out in public with his friends, family, or loved ones. You will always dine, vacation, and see one another out of sight of his intimate and personal life.  How can he explain paying for sex? How can he explain you’re the escort he’s trying to make his wife? How can he rationalize to his friends, family, and loved ones that you’re not with him for his money, using him, and you’re not sleeping with other men? How can he explain or justify you sleeping with men, and who knows how many, for money? It may not be anyone’s business, but the fact remains that you were selling p***y. You were sleeping with men, on an escort site, and selling yourself. What if one of his friends decides to treat you as such, or propositions you? Then what? Most men do not want to have to constantly justify his relationship, justify his woman’s past, or have to constantly defend an escort.

What he has been successful in doing is that he slyly and deceptively convinced you that he wants you to be exclusive with you, and to be in a monogamous exclusive relationship, but you’re not. He is still paying you for your services. You may be exclusive to him, but trust, he is not being exclusive with you. You say he is legally separated, and you know this because? How do you know he is not dating and seeing another woman? How do you even know he’s not reconciling and still with his wife?

You’re the young woman who is fulfilling his mid-life crisis. You’re the young trophy woman who is something to do until he decides on what’s next for him. You’re the young beautiful woman he feels vindicated in getting, but, at the same time paying for her company. Would you continue dating him if he was broke and had nothing? Would you be with him if you weren’t driving his car or using his credit card, and spending his money? Would you be with him minus the luxury lifestyle, and he is 18 years older than you, and would you willingly sleep with him with no financial kick back? (Yeah, imagine his old body on top yours and you’re not being paid to have sex with him. Now that’s a visual)

I want you to take a step back, look at the situation from an outsider’s perspective, and if you didn’t know him and if he had approached you on the street, or at the mall, or a restaurant/bar, would you give him the time of day if he was trying to holler at you? Look, it’s time you see the reality of this so-called relationship and be real with yourself. You’re a former escort who got caught up with one of her “Johns” who wanted to make you his permanent side piece, and permanent hoe. Like most women hoping for a prince charming, a gentle and caring lover, and a man to make you feel special, you felt this man was that man. And, because you were comfortable with him, spent some time with him, and he made you feel good, you closed your eyes and hoped for the best. Well, it’s time to open your damn eyes and see this relationship for what it really and truly is, YOU’RE STILL HIS ESCORT FOR HIRE. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

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Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
            

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