Dear Bossip: 3 Years Ago I Didn’t Accept His Proposal Because He Wasn’t Saved, But I Realize I Made A Mistake

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Categories: Dear Bossip, Love and Relationships, News, Sex and Relationships

Black woman turning down proposal

Dear Bossip,

I need advice. I broke up with my child’s father 3 years ago.

He proposed, but I turned him down because he wasn’t saved, and he is in the music industry. I also kicked him out the apartment. He still resents me. He says that I’ve betrayed him. I also put him through a lot during our relationship.

I now realize that he is a good man, and I made a terrible mistake. He is now dating, and he has revealed to me that he has been seeing someone for two years and he loves her. I really want my family back. How can I get him back? – Wanting Him Back

Dear Ms. Wanting Him Back,

So, you broke up with him and turned down his marriage proposal because he wasn’t saved, and is in the music industry. Now, two years later, he is seeing someone else, and he told you that he loves her, but you want him because you feel you made a terrible mistake. I’m sorry, but am I missing something. What happened? Are you that miserable and alone that you’re considering going backwards instead of moving forward? But, let’s be real and ask the serious question, why do you really want him back? That is the tee-hee-hee-hee-hee!

Do you want him back because he is happily involved with someone else, and is in love with another woman? You see how happy he is, and how loving he is with another woman, and because you didn’t realize it or see it when he was with you all of a sudden you have this epiphany that you want to be a family with him? Chile, miss me. Misery loves company. He’s happy and in love, and you want what he has. Why can’t you just be happy for him? I’m sure if you were to have a new man, someone who loved you, and you were in love he would be happy for you.

You broke up with him for a reason. You left him for a reason. And, you explicitly stated it’s because he is not saved, and he is in the music industry. That hasn’t changed. He still is not saved, and he is still involved with the music industry. Why do you want him back? Really? But, ma’am, isn’t it contradictory for you to be talking about him not being saved, yet, you were having sexual relations with a man before marriage? And, you produced a child. Huh? So, I take it that you’re saved, yet, you were laying up with him, and spreading your legs wide for him.  You weren’t thinking about your morals and values while he was laying the pipe.  But, you want to point fingers at him for not being saved. I love it!

But, I get it. You have remorse and regret. You hate that you turned down the proposal, and after a few years of thinking, dating other guys, and you haven’t met someone and fell in love, you want what’s familiar. So, now you’re alone and you realize you should have accepted the proposal, worked on the relationship, and become the family you desired. You’re rehashing what happened, what went wrong, and how can you fix it. Ma’am, this is something you can’t fix. When you’re emotionally, mentally, and spiritually broken, then it requires working on yourself. Building who you are, and reconnecting to the source of spiritual nourishment. If he is not spiritually connected, or not saved, then you can’t make him saved. You can’t make him spiritually whole. That is something he has to do on his own, and be willing to do. If that is not what he desires or wants, then why do you want to go back to that? How will that fulfill you, or be nourishing to you.

And, let’s think about this: What makes you think he wants to be with you? You put him out. You said you put him through a lot during your relationship. If your relationship was filled with drama, stress, and both of you were unhappy, then why go back for a repeat of this? You folks won’t leave well enough alone. You crave drama. You need it to survive and live. If you don’t have drama in your lives, and relationships then you feel incomplete.

Also, why do you want to be with someone who resents you, and feels betrayed by you? Does that make any type of sense? Trying to get him back will only bring back the resentment and betrayal he feels. He will bring that back into the relationship with you. Girl, let him go and move on.

If you feel you made a mistake, but the relationship was not what you wanted, and he was not the man you desired or needed, then just realize it for what it was, learn from it, and move on with your life. He is happily involved with someone else, and in love. Why interrupt his happiness, and what he has going for him because you feel you made a mistake.

People, people, people if you don’t know anything else, please know that you learn from mistakes. You grow from them. You take the experience and become better. And, you try not to make the same mistake again. You don’t keep repeating them. Doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result or outcome is called crazy.

Leave well enough, be happy that he is happy, and work on your relationship with him as a father and co-parent to your child. There is a reason why he is an ex, and a reason why you ended the relationship. Why repeat the past? Life is about moving forward, growing, and learning. Continue to work on you, build yourself, stay connected to your spiritual source, and continue to grow emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Stay firm in your beliefs and desires. Your man will come along, and you will connect with someone who has the same vision, dreams, and hopes that you do. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

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author terrance dean

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
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