Dear Bossip: I Assaulted & Cursed Him Out A Month Into The Relationship & It Ended But I Miss Him

Dear Bossip,

So, here goes my foolish story and question that I already know the answer to. So, anyway, I started dating a guy 6 years older than me.

He has known me most of my life. He’s been my bestie for the past 4 years, and was once a friend to my brother.  He’s been there through many life changes (divorce, family issues, and etc.). And, he was always there when I needed him.

I recently moved back to New York, and decided maybe it’s time to give someone that says he loves me a chance versus me dating men I’m more into. Well, from the beginning we have argued. I have assaulted him, and embarrassed him in front of his son and my niece with my rude mouth. Within a month we broke up. At first I didn’t take his calls, but now that I’m apologizing and stuff he totally ignores me and told my mom he pretty much can’t be with me.

Now, I’m pissed because he chased me for 4 years and kicked all this love stuff, but quit as soon as things didn’t go as smoothly as I assume he thought. I’m also pissed because as an adult I believe we should communicate and if his decision is to move on then so be it. Now, part of me misses him like crazy. I feel like I lost the love of my life. But, the other side of me says he is 35 year old grown man who lives in an apartment where he rents rooms. He has 2 children by two different women, no car, and a grandmother from hell that visits for months at a time and seems to dislike me for I don’t know what reason. And, he has a bull-ish a** part-time job. I, on the other hand, am 29-years old with no children, my own car, and always have had my own. And, I am college educated with lots of drive.

The other side of me is like, “Girl, get over it, he isn’t for you.” Not to mention he wants me to change so many things about myself now. I feel like he wants a totally different person and just wants my genes for looks purposes since he keeps asking me to have a child for him. I already know I need to hit the road, but I thought I’d email you anyway. Excuse my grammar and etc., I’m trying to type quickly while at work.  – I’m Better Off, Right

Dear Ms. I’m Better Off, Right,

Uhm, you know when you really like someone from afar, and you think they are everything you want, and need. They are beautiful, and appear to have their –ish together. They seem smart, intelligent, and about their business. You develop this huge crush on them, yet, they keep eluding you. You keep running after them, and lusting after them. Then, when you finally get them, you realize they are not who or what you thought they were. The hype was much bigger than the reality. Well, uhm, yeah, that’s how he feels about you!

I tell folks all the time, some folks you hype up, run after, and think the world about, well, you don’t really want to get to know them because you will uncover that they hype is just that, HYPE! They are not all that you made them out to be. Let your admiration remain from afar. Because when you get to know them, you became disappointed because they do not live up to your hopes, desires, and wishes.

I find your letter amusing and comical because you truly think that your –ish don’t stink. You are the epitome of the Angry-I-Got-My-Ish-Together-I-Don’t-Need-A-Man-Because-I’m-That-Chick, but, yet, here you are wondering why this 35-year old grown man who ain’t got –ish, and he has two children by two different women, who rents out rooms in his apartment, and has a part-time job, but he doesn’t want you! What a dichotomy! This is truly laughable.

Now, you’re throwing a tantrum, and saying how you’re pissed because he doesn’t want you, and he doesn’t want to communicate with you or play with you. Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. Poor baby. Girl, grow the hell up! You are such a drama queen. Ugh! This entire relationship is all about you, and your ego! You don’t want a man, you want a cheerleader. That’s why you want a relationship with him. He was the one man who was rooting for you, hyping you up, and boosting your ego. And, you feel in love with the cheerleader’s cheers, and not the man. BOOM! BAM! POW!

Look at your letter, and re-read your tragic dramatic story. Here you are, this woman who claims she got all this going for herself, but, yet, you’ve gone through a divorce, family issues, and etc. (i.e., you’re a woman with constant drama in her). It doesn’t seem to me that you have it all together.  However, this man was there for you during all your times of need. This same poor, uneducated, part-time working, renting rooms out of his apartment trifling man was the one who picked you up when you fell, made you feel better, and offered words of support. That’s what you said. Then, because YOU feel it is worth your time and space, you move to New York to be with him, but a month into the relationship you are cursing him out and embarrassing him in front of his son and your niece. You are causing all types of hell, bringing with you all your drama, and on top of it all you assaulted him. Why, Ms.-I-Got-A-College-Education-My-Own-Car-And-I’m-A-29-Year-Old-With-No-Children-And-With-Good-Genes, would you think it’s okay to assault and demean this man when all he’s done is be good to you? You are violent, and angry.

But, I get it. You feel he is beneath you. You judge him, make him out to be some vile, trifling, and some no-good for nothing man who should be happy to have someone like you. So, you treat him like trash, and try to make him feel worthless. Well, how does it feel that the tables have turned and he threw you out with the trash and he doesn’t want to be bothered with you? How does it feel to know that you are not all cracked up to who you think you are, and to have this man who ain’t got –ish dump you?

Why are you crying over spilled milk if he isn’t worth your time? If you have all this going on for you, and you are this GRAND DIVA, then having him leave your life should be a blessing. You should be happy that you didn’t waste any time on this man who is not worth your precious time and space. No, you don’t belong together. You are too good for him. He is beneath you. He is not worth your time. (Side-eyeing you)

But, you won’t get the lesson in all this. You are so on your high horse that all of us peons are just taking up your space. You need a reality check. Ma’am, good for you that you are college educated, have your own car, and doing things for yourself. But, you will forever be by yourself if you keep throwing up what you got, and looking down on others. And, you can’t go around demeaning, belittling, and treating others as if they are beneath you. You are not that fierce. You have embarrassed this man in front of his own son. And, then you assaulted him. Why do you think that is okay? Why would you think after showing your a** that any man would want to be with you? Not everyone is attracted to, or wants drama in their life. It’s time to do some self-reflection, take that weave out of your head, remove all the make-up, and stop acting like a clown.  Humility, and grace goes a long way. Try it. – Terrance Dean