I am writing to find out if I should I stay or walk away?
Almost a year ago I started dating a minister at my church. We spent almost every day together. We talked day and night and had a great connection. We were like glue. A few months ago a young lady starting attending our church and she was always speaking to him, but he never changed. I did inquire about who she was and he said she was a friend’s niece whom he invited to the church. Well, she joined the church.
He’s recently been called to pastor another church and the young lady left my church and joined his new church. I’m not shocked. He and I still communicate daily and I understand right now that he has been busy with his new church, for the fact that I help out there sometimes because my grandfather was the pastor before him and he had retired.
My main question is should I stay with him or leave him alone just because this young lady has appeared? Also, I feel he should be saying something as to where we will stand in the future, for the fact that his church has asked him if is he dating me, or if he has plans on getting married soon? – First Lady In Waiting
Dear Ms. First Lady In Waiting,
Uhm, sweetie, y’all church folks are a mess. You know what this young woman’s motives are, so please don’t act naïve. Chile! Not today! Here is what I know: That young lady is after the pastor. Her goal and aim, if she is not already sleeping with him, is to become the first lady of the church before you! Don’t be surprised when you see her sitting up in the first pew with her big church hat.
It doesn’t take rocket science to figure out her motives and aims. She wants him, or they are already having an affair. And, I wouldn’t put anything past him in doing so. You didn’t go into much detail about the intimacy of your relationship with him, and I understand that due to him being a pastor and your decorum as a church sanctified lady, but, err, ma’am, don’t sleep on this man and his needs and desires. He is still a man with needs and desires! If he is not getting it from you, then he will get it from someone who is willing to be his freak in the sheets, or under his robe. Trust!
And, there are plenty of church women groupies who are willing to sneak in the pastor’s study, or in the sanctuary after the church is empty and slide up under that robe. Don’t get it twisted! There are some church freaks who will do the deed all in the name of the lord, while he is laying hands, literally!
It’s unfortunate, but, most recently the news has been filled with ministers and pastors getting caught out there sleeping around, and sexing many of the women, and men, in their congregations. And, it’s no secret that in the Black Church pastors, ministers, deacons, ushers, and the choir director are all sleeping with each other, or they are sleeping with most of the folks in the church. SMDH! A house full of heathens.
Here’s the thing: You and your pastor boyfriend need to have a serious conversation. He is not above reproach, so, don’t be scared in approaching him to find out what his plans are for your relationship, and where he sees it going. And, why are you not at his church with him? I understand you are at another church and feel committed to that church, but if he is your man, and he is the pastor of your grandfather’s church, but, uhm, shouldn’t you be there? Chile, don’t let that cloth fool you. You are still a woman and he is still a man. Get your relationship in order.
Don’t let that young lady run you out of your own house! Nip that –ish in the bud real quick! Get him together, and sit him down and tell him to be honest with you and upfront. You’ve been dating for a year. Where is the relationship going? What are the next steps? How can you both be more supportive of one another, and you of him as the new pastor of your grandfather’s church? Let him know that though you may be saved, sanctified, and filled with the holy ghost, but if you need to get buck with that young lady, then, YOU WILL GET BUCK! Don’t let the, “Praise the lord,” and “Hallelujah,” fool you!
Also, know that, especially now, that he is the pastor of a church the groupies are going to come out in full force. They are going to be throwing their Sunday church panties at him, if they are going to be wearing any at all. Women are going to be coming at him from out of the woodwork, the pews, the stain glass, and from up under the church. And, his new leadership role will give him lots of ego and pride. This is where you, the woman by his side, remind him of where he came from, what his role is, and to not to get too high and mighty for his own good. You’re going to have to keep him grounded, and focused. You’re going to have to help him ward off the temptations from the church freaks, and groupies who will be coming from the left and right.
So, that young lady, he is going to have to put her in her place, or end their affair. Whichever it is, but he is going to have to end that relationship immediately. The church board is already questioning his relationship with you, and wants to know his plans for marriage. That means, they don’t want no scandals and bull-ish up in their church. And, they see that young lady as a potential problem. Their subtly is a warning and foresight to him that he needs to get things under control. They respect you, and know about you. Therefore, you need to make sure your presence is felt, known, and seen, if you and he are to continue your relationship. You better get your man, and hold it down in that church because that young lady is not going to be the last one you’re going to have to deal with. Stayed prayed up, and get the anointing oil ready. – Terrance Dean
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