Dear Bossip: I Treated Him Horribly In The Past, But I’ve Been Trying To Reconnect & He Stands Me Up

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Categories: Love and Relationships, News, Sex and Relationships

Black woman in lingerie

Dear Bossip,

I don’t even know where to start, but I guess the short end of the stick is can a man you have hurt in the past forgive you or look at you romantically ever again?

Back in 2005 I met a guy when I was home on winter break from college. I didn’t see him as anything serious (he wasn’t the best looking guy) and we had sex (great ongoing sex). I very slowly began to like him as a person and in that process he was sort of over me as we never moved passed sex.

I remember times he would try a get me pregnant and in a conversation I said, “I don’t want a baby by you.” He repeated what I said and he replied like wow in a, “Damn, bish, that was a low blow way.” I said it harshly because I was hurt and wanted to hurt his feelings. I said hurtful things to him over the years in anger. (All shots at his semi failing music career attempts).

I’m grown and mature now so the beautiful things I saw then in him are still there. I wanted to reconnect when I moved back to our home town. We talked for hours and I told him I wanted to meet up so I can kiss him. We met up, had a passionate kiss, and now he is avoiding me like the plague; and in a very bitter hurtful way. Like responding to my messages weeks later, setting up times to have sex and never showing up. I asked him flat out if he wanted me to stop contacting him and he said no.

Hurt people, hurt people and I get I said some pretty ugly things, but why even have any contact with me to begin with if all you set out to do is play me like a fool. I’m not hurt by his actions, just very annoyed that I won’t get any of his very very very good penis anymore. Should I give up? Is he ever going to forgive me, move on, and really reconcile with me? – Feeling Played

Dear Ms. Feeling Played,

Yup, you have played yourself and are continuing to play yourself, and pay back is a bish!

And, I don’t blame him. He got you feigning (In my Jodeci voice). LOL!

No, he doesn’t want you to stop contacting him, begging for the d**k, looking to link up, and blowing up his phone with messages every other day. Nope, he doesn’t want you to stop because you are playing yourself. You are the fool. Every time he gets your messages begging for some time with him, and you leaving messages telling him that you’re hungry for his man meat, he gets to laugh and tell all his boys about you. It’s his bragging rights. And, he feels why should he waste his time on someone like you when you played him way to the left and sh****ed on his dreams, his looks, and all the spiteful things you did to him.

Now, let some common sense sink into your thick skull, and think about this: He is setting up dates with you to have sex, then, he doesn’t show up, and when you leave him messages he responds weeks later. Let’s see here, I don’t know of a man who will set up a night of sex with anyone and then bail on them without a follow-up call, not unless he wanted to prove a point. Or, unless he wants to get revenge, and to see how long you will continue to play yourself. So, yeah, uhm, sweetie, who’s the thirsty one, now?

Chile, you running after the d**k like a feign. LMBAO! This is a lesson learned that once you get some good d**k you don’t play it to the left, dog him, and be spiteful toward him. You keep that man and treat him right, despite how he looks and what you’re going through. That is your rainy day, snowy day, can’t get a hold of your main boo, or the lonely nights you need some good loving d**k.

What’s sad is that though you said you have grown and are mature, however, you’re still acting like a little a** girl. You claim you see the beautiful things in him, and he’s a good person, yet, you only call him when you want sex. The fact that time went by, and because you were coming home from school and want to reconnect with him, well, that doesn’t mean he wants to reconnect with you. You treated that man like he was nothing, as if he was beneath you. You only used him for sex, and though he may have had feelings for you, it was you who shot him down, and made him feel like he wasn’t good enough for you. And, you acted as if you were doing him a favor by having sex with him. Oh, yeah, by the way, you never said if you apologized to him when you spoke with him. SMDH! Why didn’t you apologize? Are you too good for that, too?

So, yeah, he may have some resentment. He may be feeling some type of way. You bruised his ego. You destroyed his pride. Now, why would you think anyone would want to reconnect and start again with you? You left him with a bitter and bad experience. That’s all he remembers of you, the treatment you gave him, and the things you said to him.

If you are not feeling any type of way about his non-responses to your messages, or standing you up, but, you claim you are annoyed, then it’s obvious that you have not grown. You still think of yourself as better than him because how dare he stand you up, and how dare he not respond to your messages immediately. Doesn’t he know who you are? You are doing him a favor, right? Please go have several seats in the thirst chair!

You owe him an apology. You should ask him to forgive you for the way you treated him. Let him know that you were in a bad place, and you are sorry for how you treated him, and why you took it out on him. It’s time to be a bigger woman, own up to your mistakes, flaws, and ratchet behavior. You were horrible to him, and you need to acknowledge that and let him know that. It’s time to grow up, and take responsibility for your actions, and stop using people for your own benefit. And, to be honest, you really don’t want to reconnect with him because he’s a great guy. You just want his very very very good penis, as you said. Tell the truth, and be honest with yourself, and with him.

He may accept your apology, and he may forgive you, but he will never forget. The way he is treating you is indicative of how you treated him. Please stop begging, and asking him to come over and spend time with you, because he is not going to. You are playing yourself. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think?

Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

author terrance dean

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
Mogul   Hiding In Hip-Hop cover   Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think?

Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

- See more at: http://bossip.com/907684/dear-bossip-for-five-years-ive-handled-all-his-affairs-credit-taxes-money-but-he-wont-marry-me/#sthash.c6l03tTw.dpuf

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