Dear Bossip: Me And My Husband’s Sister Don’t Get Along & I’m Tired Of Her Drama

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Categories: Love and Relationships, News, Sex and Relationships

black women arguing

Dear Bossip,

My husband and I have been together for five years. We have a two year old and one on the way.

Despite our happiness, ever since day one his sister has had a serious problem with me. She is bi-racial black/Hispanic. She encourages her brother to date outside of the African-American race because she claims, “black women are jealous of me,” and “black women are difficult and always nag,” and she doesn’t want her brother to be miserable.

Our son is now 2 years old, but when I was pregnant with him I was trying to get along with her. So, I allowed her to help with my baby shower. During this time she would tell me how happy she was to be an auntie and she couldn’t wait to see the baby. She acted as if she was so happy and wanted to be involved.

After our son was born my husband and I would have frequent arguments. These arguments were always regarding his family and them trying to force him to bring our child out the house for the holidays. My son was 2 months old at this time and he had colic. We live in a city where the temperature drops to 25 degrees during the winter. So, me taking my infant out the house was not an option. His sister had a problem with my decision and made a controlling remark about how it’s a problem because we are not trying to bring her nephew out. I told my husband to tell his sister and the rest of his family if they want to see our son they are welcome to come to our home but they never did.

During my pregnancy, and after I had my son, I always felt that something was not right when it came to my husband’s family, especially his sister. I always felt uncomfortable when his sister was around my child and I could not figure out why. I told my husband how I felt and he said I was crazy. When my son was about 9 months old it all came out. I was told that during my entire pregnancy his sister would tell his entire family that they should find out the paternity of my child.

The day she came to see my son in the hospital, she came bearing gifts and flowers professing how happy she is to finally be an aunt while holding my son in her arms. As soon as she left the hospital she called her family members and told them that my son could not be her brothers’ because he is too light.

I was also told (by my husband) around the time my son was 3 months old that he told his sister that we argue from time to time and all the issues are about his family imposing on our lives. His sister proceeds to tell him that if he ever needs a break that he could come stay at her home (150 miles away from our home). She then told him that having a child with someone does not mean he has to stay, and if he wants to she can find him a lawyer at her expense that will win him custody of our son. My husband then explained to her that our disputes are not nearly that serious and he would never take our child away from me.

Till this day I could never understand why she would encourage a man with a newborn child to leave his family and why would she want to take a child away from its mother? Also, she would say things like my son is not cute because he looks like me. For mother’s day she sent my husband a link for a necklace worth $50 that looked as if it came out of a bubble gum machine. She told him that he should give it to me for mother’s day. She doesn’t even call to wish me a happy mother’s day so I couldn’t understand why she was so concerned about a gift for me. I told my husband he better not ever in his life insult me with such a thing. I’d rather have a nice card than a cheap gift.

The last straw was when my husband, son, and I were leaving one of his family events. His sister was drunk and got upset that we were leaving. She believed it was my idea to leave so she was pissed. As we are walking off she begins yelling at me. I continued to walk and she gets louder and starts saying my name. I turned around and walked back. I walked up to her and asked her if she wants to step to the side and have a private conversation. She immediately blows up and started yelling and screaming, jumped in my face and calls me a ghetto b****.

She says she does NOT like me for her brother and says she has been trying to like my a**. She begins to snatch her glasses off throws them down and starts rolling her neck and pointing her finger. She is in my face and acting as if she is about to hit me. My husband (with my son in his arms witnessing this ignorance) yells at her to quit calling me out of my name and she just brushes him off as if what he said has no importance to her. I then turn around and leave.

It has been almost two months since this happened, but because of the negative history and her lack of respect for me, I want nothing to do with her and I do not want her around my children. I’m not even sure why she hates me so much because I have never done anything to her. Do you think it is wrong to keep my children away from her? What would you do Bossip? – I Can’t Stand Her Ignorant A**

Dear Ms. I Can’t Stand Her Ignorant A**,

Girl, relax, relate, and release! She is not worth exerting your energy or time. We make it a motto here to not dumb ourselves down and graze with the donkeys. No ma’am!

This chick has racial and color issues. She is ghetto and dramatic. She likes to stir the pot and start –ish, and, yet, no one will check her on it, and put her in her place. I find it hysterical that she calls you a ghetto bish, yet, she is the one who is drunk, yelling your name, and picking a fight with you in the middle of the street after leaving a family event. Someone should have recorded it and placed it on FB and put her ghetto a** on blast! LOL!

Look, she doesn’t like you. So what. Who cares. Why invest energy entertaining her? She has issues and problems, and is probably jealous of you. You’re married, with a family, and her brother is taking care of his job as a husband and father. She obviously doesn’t have a man, is bitter, and angry, and probably needs some steady d**k in her life. Then, perhaps, she will stay out of your business and your marriage.

Who knows what’s she’s dealing with. Maybe she can’t have children. Perhaps she doesn’t like herself, and can’t keep a man. If she does have kids, then maybe she is mad that the father is not active in their life and she is now the bitter and angry baby momma. There can be a number of things going on in her life. The point I’m making is that she is projecting onto you her own issues and problems. You have become her target for insults, anger, and attacks. She is a bully. So, you let her know that you won’t be bullied. You won’t be pushed and dragged into her drama, issues, and problems that she obviously needs to deal with. She can’t bully you, and you won’t stand for it.

Then, you and your husband need to have a conversation about how to handle your issues and problems in-house! HELLO! He can’t run and tell his family about what’s going on in your house. Work it out between the two of you, and don’t tell his sister a damn thing. Keep her out of your business, marriage, and life.

Also, he needs to put his sister in check and tell her to mind her own damn business, and go get her some business of her own. She needs to leave you alone, stop attacking you, and that if she can’t learn to shut up, be nice, act nice, and play nice, then he will stop bringing his family around. He won’t stand for the insults, name-calling, and assaults on his wife. It’s time he puts on his big boy drawers, and let his nuts hang! Puff his chest and assert some authority! Come on, now!!!

You and his sister don’t have to like one another, and you don’t have to get along. However, I’ll be damned if you should let anyone talk to you crazy, and disrespect you, especially in front of your children, and your spouse. So, take a break from the family events for a while. Keep in contact, and talk independently with his mother, and other family members. Kill them with kindness and respect. Even invite them one-on-one for dinner at your home. However, don’t even engage or bring up his sister. If they bring her up, just say, “I don’t know why she doesn’t like me. I think she is great. She is a wonderful woman. But, I don’t want to discuss her.” And, move on from the conversation. Once they get to know you on their own terms, then they will see that his sister is the one with the issues.

Alleviate the stress and drama from your life. Keep her away from you, and your children, and your life will be stress free. Tell your husband to not bring her up in conversation because you’re not interested in what she said, or what she does. And, don’t discuss your business with her. So, stop thinking about her and forgive her. Forgive her because she doesn’t know any better. You don’t have time to engage with someone who has issues with race, color, and ethnicity. She is a struggle case, and recognize that she is jealous of you, what you have, and your marriage. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think?

Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Deanloveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

author terrance dean

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
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