Dear Bossip: I Had Him Arrested For Assault, Now, He & His Family Are Looking For Me & I’m Scared

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Categories: Love and Relationships, News, Sex and Relationships

black woman scared

Dear Bossip,

Around this time 2 years ago I met my first love. Don’t get me wrong I had been in love before with a guy I gave my virginity to in high school.

But, I had NEVER felt the way I felt about this guy. He was charming, handsome, intelligent, and very well-groomed. Let’s not forget he was KING when it came to sex. We dated for a good year and a half, but between the chemistry we had it made it feel longer than it really was. So, we decided to take the next step and move in with his family, since we both didn’t have our own places yet. But, we had the desire to be with one another.

Two months later, he starts to receive odd late night calls from co-workers and friends. So, I get suspicious and decide to go through his phone. He had been talking to 6 different females!!! Including me!!! The only difference between me and the other women were that I had a picture under my number and it was saved as, “Better Half.”

I confronted him and we ended up having a really bad confrontation and I decided to go stay with a girlfriend for a while until I could really get my thoughts together. He called me the whole time! Leaving sob voicemails and even going to the extent of calling my family. A month later sex ended up getting us back together. I moved back in and things are going okay, until I figured out he was also seeing our neighbor!! A girl that we both had seen with numerous men in and out of her life consuming all of her womanhood along with the benefits of driving her car, etc.

I confronted the both of them and they blamed each other. I was tired so I decided to do me. Well, he wasn’t too happy about that, in fact, he hated it so much that one day I came home at 2 a.m. from a night with the girls, and he met me in the dark. He asked me where I had been and asked me if I had fun. I replied yes, and I asked if he was okay. He said he would be if his girlfriend wasn’t out all times of the night acting like she’s single. But, I’m the same girlfriend that’s held him down after all the fights, all the women, and -ish he’s done to me and my daughter. Not to mention he has a daughter also! And his baby mother’s celibate!

But, we argued for about an hour until he was tired enough to where he began throwing my clothes outside off of the third floor like some kind of maniac. At that point, I didn’t know what to do. It felt like he was piercing my heart as tears filled my eyes. I thought of all the possible reasons of why he was doing what he was doing. But, then it hit me. He will still living his life.

I tried to beg and plead with him but that made him even angrier. At the end of the day, I left his home with a busted lip and a black eye. I called the police and pressed charges, only to drop the charges because his family begged me to not ruin his life by putting charges on his background. Because since we were living together that would be considered family violence in the state of Texas.

So, like an idiot, I drop them. Two to three months go by and he’s still trying to be back in a relationship that’s clearly unhealthy for us. And, the word on the street was that he was still talking to our neighbor at the same time he was trying to get with me. So, of course I wasn’t accepting it! He came back with a ring and a dream after 3 months of begging like Jodeci.

But, by this time I had developed a relationship back with my first love, and he wasn’t having it. He had been over my house and answered the phone when my ex was calling. And, that’s when things got messier. They had words and my ex told him he didn’t deserve me from the jump. He stormed out like a little kid, only to call me not even two hours later apologizing for everything he had done to me in the past.

He asked me if I could come over and we talk about things the next day. So, I came over and he surprised me with flowers, wine, and dinner. Afterwards, he gave me head and strawberry cheesecake for dessert. I was loving life at that point. But, shortly after things changed for the worst he had began bringing up my ex again. Which was really starting to frustrate me. I tried and tried to explain to him that it wasn’t he was making it to be, and he was making the situation more relevant than it really was. But, he didn’t go for it.

He began getting mad and throwing things and telling me how I played him into thinking that I was so loyal when all along he knew that I was messing around with my ex. Because it wouldn’t have been so easy for me to leave if it hadn’t been going on. I denied it though, even though me and the guy had been messing around two months, I was still faithful and loyal throughout me and my fiancé’s whole relationship.

That didn’t do him any justice and he began to punch the walls, kick things around, and yell at me as if I was his child. He began telling me that I don’t deserve to live because of how much I hurt him. I don’t deserve to be here, and I don’t deserve to even see my daughter anymore. I was scared for my life, and not only that, I was scared of dying. I didn’t know what to do or how to compose myself, all I could do was cry and beg for my life as he pointed the knife at me and threatened to kill me.

He began making me take off all my clothes and telling me to pretend as if I was in front of my ex. I began to do everything that he asked of me only to save my life and to give me a little more time to be closer and closer to running out on him. I had sex with him and he went to sleep. By the grace of God I escaped his home and I was able to call the police and tell them what happened. The guy I was in love with had tried to kill me!

I was so terrified I didn’t know what to think, or what to do. I was so confused. The police came out and they ended up taking him to jail and charging him with a felony aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. I was so scared because his family were trying to find me, and trying to figure out what had happened and why things happened the way they did.

But, his grandmother in particular was so unhappy. She texted me when he went to jail, and called my phone everyday for a week and even went by my mom’s house with a random female to fight me. And now it’s been about a week and he was bonded out. He called my phone but got no answer. I’m really scared and I don’t know what to do? – Scared And Confused

Dear Ms. Scared And Confused,

The drama! Girl, I can’t! This hood –ish has got to stop!

What in the Sam hell is going on? Do you love yourself? Do you love your daughter? Do you even care about your well-being and that of your child? I swear you some of you won’t learn and you really think that love is someone’s insane jealousy, fighting, screaming, and yelling over you validates you and the relationship. That is not love! It’s rage tinged with violence, and in that fit of rage they will harm you and before you know, it’s lights out. Rock-a-bye baby!

Why would you move in with someone and neither of you can afford to get your own place? See, this is that hood ghetto –ish right here. You’re so strung out on the “D,” so you shack up in his family’s house, sharing the twin bed he sleeps on ever since he was a child? Why? Please tell me why? Do you not value who you are as a woman? No woman moves in with a man and he’s still living at home with his family!!!

But, there is a deep psychological issue going on, and I bet it has something to do with your relationship with your mother. The fact that you are running from home, you have a child at a young age (that you are not caring for), and when –ish goes down you run to a friend’s home instead of going home. So, what’s happening at home? What is the relationship with you and your mother? This is where the healing needs to first begin!

And, hold up! Girl, you have a child!!! Where is your daughter during all of this? Who is caring for her? And, he has a child as well? Girl, girl, girl, girl, girl!!! You’re running the streets, still trying to live that single life, and you’re ignoring your obligations, and responsibilities. Yup, you sound like a donkey! SMDH!

Then, on top of this, you and he are fighting in his family’s house, and you’re coming in and out at all types of the night, then, you’re leaving and going to stay with another friend because he’s throwing your clothes out of the third story window, yet, no one in that household found any of this behavior odd, strange, or inappropriate?

Let me get myself together and just breathe.

Okay, first of all, I strongly suggest that you get a restraining order against your ex. Go to the police and make a report with them. You let them know that his grandmother came to your mother’s house with another woman to fight you (Chile, is this real life? Gangsta granny doing drive bys). Then, you show them the texts and calls that he and his family are repeatedly making to you. He’s already been arrested for felony aggravated battery with a deadly weapon, so, the persistent calls and texts will help with your case against him, and in getting a restraining order, and when he goes to trial.

Second, it’s time to grow the hell up, and be a mother to your daughter. Why are you running the streets and you have a child at home? You’re so concerned with these little a** boys that you are not even respecting yourself, your self-worth, and who you are as a woman. It is not your mother’s job to raise your daughter. Stop being a silly immature childish lost little girl and start taking care of your responsibilities. You are too damn old to be acting like this, especially having a little girl. She sees her mother acting out, and running the streets after men, then guess what she is going to do when she gets older? (Think about that).

Third, do not, and I mean, do not engage, converse, or respond to your ex. He will hurt you. He’s proven to you twice that he will physically harm you. I don’t care how much you may think you love him, or how much he begs and pleads and tells you that he loves you and it won’t happen again. Trust me, it will happen again.  Love is not abuse in any form or fashion, and please know that it’s never okay for a man to put his hands on you. So, change your number. Block his calls. Do whatever you must do, but don’t respond to him. Stay away from him. No meeting up to discuss anything, to reconcile, or to hear him out. It will not go over well, and you won’t leave so easily the next time.

Finally, get into school, and get some education. Or, get yourself a job and focus on changing your situation. You need to move into your own place, and become an adult and be a parent to your child. Stop running after men. Stop running the streets. Stop the hood and ghetto lifestyle because it’s not cute. And, I do suggest you get into counseling, and speak with a professional therapist of about your need and desire to feel loved. You’re chasing and looking for love in all the wrong places. Something happened at home that you need to reconcile, and work on. It’s affecting your judgment, and your emotional and mental well-being. It will lead you to a life of drugs, continued promiscuous sex, and ultimately failed relationship after failed relationship. If you keep running after love, and you keep meeting men who abuse you, then, you will not make it out alive. Get into therapy and speak to someone about the demons you’re trying to escape and run away from. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think?

Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Deanloveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

author terrance dean

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
Mogul   Hiding In Hip-Hop cover   Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
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