David D.’s Thoughts Of The Week Vol. 1
Hi Bossip world.
David D. here. You may know me from my writing over at The Smoking Section. Maybe not, whatever. If you don’t know me, you’ll get to know me soon. The good folks over at Bossip have asked me to jot down a few reactions to the craziest news of the week. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll say I’m an idiot. It’s all good!
So scroll through and see what’s been on my mind for the last seven days. And if you can’t wait for next week to see what’s on my mind, you can always follow me on Twitter @DavidDTSS.
1. Donald Sterling Made You Feel Good Inside, Didn’t He? – You know why I hate these big racist moments that gets everyone talking? They really just make everyone feel good about themselves. People who really don’t give a s*** about minorities can get all up in arms over a really racist guy and minorities who don’t really give a damn about what’s going on in the world can get all worked up. Now, when a secretly racist person gets called racist or a do-nothing gets called lazy, they can say “noooo, remember how mad I was about Donald Sterling?” and feel better about themselves. Meanwhile, everyone can continue to ignore the violence in Chicago or the crappy schools around or a little thing going on in Nigeria.
2. For Real, Let’s Save These Girls – More than 200 girls in Nigeria got abducted and sold as wives. I usually don’t advocate for sending our troops to go handle something that’s not our business, but we need to send G.I. Joe, The Rock and every piece of weaponry we’ve ever had to go find those girls.
3. But Back To Donald Sterling – This man let his life get ruined over Instagram pictures. This rich old White guy really ruined his life getting mad at the same thing the guy at the Jiffy Lube went to work mad at his girlfriend about. I love it.
4. V. Stiviano Is Batsh*t Crazy – Don’t think V. is off the hook. I don’t care who she’s been with or if she’s a gold digger or not. That’s her prerogative. But I will clown her for looking like the lost member of Daft Thot. Looks like her head should be recycled. I don’t want to hear a damn thing when she writes a best-selling book and you buy it and she’s richer than all of us.
5. Let’s Not Overlook Leon Jenkins – Leon Jenkins was the head of the NAACP in L.A. who decided to give Donald Sterling TWO lifetime achievement awards. NAACP was wrong for even electing someone with a struggle conk, so they were wrong there. But Jenkins looks like an Eddie Murphy character and he’s embarrassed everyone. Just remember: whenever a famous White person does something really embarrassing, there’s always a Black person they’ll find to look dumber.
6. Music Break: Big KRIT Is Better At Rapping Than You Are – Whoooo buddy, Big Krizzle SNAPPED on this “Mr. Olympus” track. He’s always been one of the most talented guys out, but he just jumped to a new level. Nobody rapped this well all week.
7. D.L. Hughley :( – I’ve always maintained that it’s impossible for a comedian to be offensive if he or she is actually funny. Unfortunately D.L. hasn’t been funny since he was making Y2K jokes. So when he called Columbus Short’s ex-wife a “thirsty b****,” everyone wanted his head. I didn’t even know D.L. was still saying words anymore, maybe that’s why he resorted to shock value. You know what would be actually entertaining? Showing an ounce of respect towards women for once.
8. Beyonce and Jay Z Want All Of Our Money – People are freaking out at how much Bey and Jay’s stadium tour tickets cost. Man, look. They’re Jay Z and Beyonce. They have a kid to feed and panda fur diapers and dolphin tear-soaked baby wipes aren’t cheap. Just be happy you don’t have to trade in your firstborn just to sit at the feet of your king and queen.
9. Lil Mo. Water Yew Dewing. – Lil Mo said she divorced her husband because she had an intuition during one of their 3 ways that he’d been cheating on her. Does. Not. Compute. In other news, I had to get rid of my dog for eating the steak I’d left in its cage overnight.
10. Joke Moratorium: Mimi’s Shower Rods – You’re still making shower rod jokes? It’s May, now. If you still want to make Mimi memes, then you can go sit with DL Hughley at the unfunny people table.
11. Total Divas Break! – You can keep your Love and Hip-Hop and your Housewives and your Baby Mommas of Birmingham or whatever. The best reality show around is Total Divas. I don’t care what anybody says. Jay Uso and Naomi are the best couple on TV and you can shut your face if you disagree with me.
12. Petty Boy Floyd – I don’t have any jokes about Floyd Mayweather and him putting his ex on blast over aborting their kids. Buddy needs some help and some people around him to advise him about all of this. Yikes.
13. Basketball Is Awesome – Are you watching these playoffs, man?! This is the best first round of all time and it’s literally all I want to talk about. Just be happy you didn’t get “David D. Breaking Down The Ills Of High Screen And Rolls” for 15 pages. The downfall is I’m not getting any sleep because these overtimes are running until 2am. They just need to enact the rules I grew up with: whoever has the most points by the time the street lights come on wins.
14. Sad Kanye Is Sad – Some days I just think he remembers the Ray J tape exists and it sends him into a deep depression at least thrice a day.