Dear Bossip: My Husband Always Hangs With His Friends & I'm Trapped In The House With The Kids

Hey Bossip,

I really need some advice on how to deal with my situation.  I’m currently married to my high school sweetheart, and we’ve been together for almost 12 years.

For a few months now, we’ve been having on and off moments in our marriage. He gets to hang out with his friends, but I can’t because I’m always trapped in the house while taking care of our 2 children.

I’ve told him on many different occasions that I want him to do things with me, but he’s always complaining about how he has no money to do it. I understand that he doesn’t have money all the time, but I feel like sometimes he just undermines how I feel because nothing has changed. I miss doing things with him, hell, I miss having a social life in general. But, it’s like he doesn’t give a damn.

What other method should I use to convince him that I want to get out of the house? – Feeling Stuck

Dear Ms. Feeling Stuck,

Yeah, it sounds like you’ve reached that point in your marriage where he wants some “me” time, and you want some “us” time.

You’re feeling neglected, and he’s feeling stifled being in the house with you and the kids. And, instead of really saying that, he tells you that he doesn’t have the money to do anything with you. He wants to hang with the fellas, have some guy time, and just kick back and not have to do anything but have fun with his boys. It’s the time he doesn’t have someone asking him for something, or he has to do something. He wants time alone.

However, on the other hand, you are feeling neglected, and stuck with the children, and wondering why you can’t you have some time with your own husband. You want the same type of quality time he is spending with the fellas. You want some of that quality time to enjoy with him, and snuggle, cuddle, or simply to get out of the house.

The mixed messages are getting lost, and since both of you are not hearing each other, you’re ignoring each other’s request. You both want what you want, and instead of listening to each other you end up ignoring one another, building frustration, and undermining one another. He goes out, and you sit home mad. An argument ensues, and he finds further reasons to go hang out with the fellas, and you become more frustrated, and it begins to affect you personally, the children, and your household.

So, you tell him that you understand that he enjoys hanging out with the guys, and that he gets to go and do him for a few hours while drinking a few beers, watching sports, and kicking it with random conversations. You understand his need to have some guy time, and be with his boys. However, just as equally, there needs to be a balance in which you shares some quality and alone time with you. You want to just go out, relax, have a few drinks, see a good movie, enjoy a good meal, or walk through the park. You just want some time with him as your husband, as the man you fell in love with, and the man you want to rekindle that romanticism with. You miss the quality time you had with him. You miss being able to just hold hands, kiss, and act silly.

Express to him that everything doesn’t cost a lot of money and that there quite a number of free things to do like visiting a museum, summer concerts in the park, driving to the beach, going to the bookstore, or visiting other married friends and just having adult conversations. Hell, there is walking through the park or having lunch in the park and you pack a nice picnic for two. There are lots of ingenious and innovative things you can do for free or on a budget.

But, be frank with him as well, and tell him if he can find the money to go hang with his boys, then he can find the money to spend some time with his wife. No, you’re not a cheap date, and hanging with the fellas may be cheap, but at least make an effort and save some money for special occasions with you. You’re his wife, the mother of his children, and the woman who takes care of home. And, an unhappy wife will be an unhappy home. Make it clear and known you won’t keep putting up with the excuses over money.

Therefore, find a babysitter, which means calling one of your relatives, or nephews or nieces, and have them sit with your two children. Or, have them spend the night with a relative, or good friend/neighbor that you entrust your child with. Then, you plan for a special evening with your husband. Again, it doesn’t have to be anything extravagant, and over the top. It can be modest and something within your budget. It will take some ingenuity and creativity, so scan the local newspaper and see what is happening during the week or weekend that you would like to explore. Check out the movie section, and see if there is anything playing that you and your husband can enjoy. Make this a joint effort, and include him in the process.

Hell, while the kids are away you can have a little get together at your house and invite his buddies and their wives over for a pot luck dinner, or BBQ. That way you get to have some time with your husband, he has his buddies, you have some women over to talk with, and some good food, drinks, and conversation. Then, once everyone is gone, you and your husband can have some alone and quality time to cuddle, kiss, and be all over one another.

Rekindle your love. Rekindle your romance. Rekindle your life. Rekindle your husband. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

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