Dear Bossip: I'm Having His Baby, But I've Learned He Got Another Woman Pregnant & We Are One Month Apart

Dear Bossip,

Well, my boyfriend and I have been together since the fall of 2013.

My first thought of him was, “Wow, this tall, older man, is really interesting and wanted to know me for me.” Our relationship started off good. He took me out to dinner, movies, and really showed me that he is a gentleman, which was different for me since I was dealing with guys that were my age and they weren’t taking me seriously. (I was 18, meanwhile he was 23).

We had our ups and downs in the relationship, like a roller coaster. The first bump on the ride was when it was Valentine’s Day. We had plans and he cancelled on me, and stated that he had to go to work. But, it was a lie. Thankfully, my best friend at the time caught him at the movies. He spent our special day with another woman. With time and forgiveness, I took him back.

While, I was with him for the second time I realized my value and worthiness and I decided to leave him. When I moved on I realized that I was pregnant and the baby was his. He was the first person that I told and I asked him for his opinion and he wanted me to get an abortion. To hear that from someone I was in a relationship, and for him to tell me that hurt me, especially when he gave me stupid excuses on why I should not keep the baby. But, I made the decision to keep the baby and to take full responsibility of my actions. I let him know if wanted to be there he can and if he doesn’t that is fine with me.

On the same day he told me that he cheated on me at the beginning of the relationship. He had a one-night stand and got her pregnant. When he told me this my soul and heart ached. I had never been disrespected like that in my life. For some reason I did not feel hatred for this guy, but sorry because I never knew the guy I was dating seriously would ever do this to me. He apologized for his actions. He explained to me that he wanted to be with me and wanted to have a family that we both did not have. So, I went back with him. I was ok with the situation of having a baby while he also was having a baby with another woman.

During this third try in this relationship I learned that my baby and her baby are exactly a month apart, which is pathetic. The reason I am writing this letter to you, Mr. Terrance Dean, is that I feel like I dug myself into a hole that I can’t take myself out of. For instance, he was begging me to move in with him and I did, but I honestly can’t do this anymore. He always deletes conversations between him and her and states that, “His phone deletes messages.” Clearly B.S.

Also, he is very sneaky. I personally feel like he does not care for my baby for many reasons.  The reasons are that when he have conversations with any of his family or friends the only thing he talks about is his son, which he is having with the other woman (I’m having a girl). Another reason is that he is already giving her money because “she is not working,” but he has not provided financial support towards my baby. Another reason might be childish to some readers, but he will put up a picture of his son’s ultrasound rather than putting up both his son and his daughters’.

The last reason is that his mother is throwing a baby shower for her and not me, which is perfectly fine because my family is throwing mine. To sum all this together, I don’t feel comfortable being with him due to his lack of caring. I always tell him that he put me in this situation and he needs to be more understanding, but he views that as jealousy of the other woman, but I’m not.

She is always texting him about how badly she wants to be with him, but supposedly he lets her know that he “loves” me. He is so f****ed up where he even asked his mother to open her doors for the other woman to live with her, but I guess being so stupid doesn’t come from the same tree and she said no.

I am stuck in the middle, whereas, I want to be with him for the sake of my baby girl and to give her a family that she truly deserves, but at the same time I want to leave him and just focus on me and my baby. I also don’t want to focus on the woman and her desires of being with my man. So, I’m asking you and your readers for advice and decisions on what should I do. – Teen Mother To Be

Dear Ms. Teen Mother To Be,

Two women who are pregnant by the same man, and you’re both fighting over him attempting to lay claim over a dirty dog cheater, however, you can’t see that he’s still playing the both of you. But, you’d rather have a piece of man and claim him as yours because you don’t want her to win. You don’t want her to have him.

Please explain to me what exactly will you lose if you let him go? What will she gain that you haven’t? He has nothing. He is nothing. What exactly is the prize in being with him? Please tell me what he’s done for you and how special he has made you feel as his woman who is having his child.

You and another woman are both pregnant, and one month apart. Damn, now that is some cold a** dirty bull-ish! Honey, let’s be real, he’s spent more time lying to you, cheating on you, and deceiving you than actually being in a relationship with you. When he told you to get an abortion, that right there should have been your heed, your calling to walk away from him. He didn’t want you to have his baby. He didn’t want you in his life. But, you chose to keep the baby, and he feels stuck with you.

I’m curious to know why are you having this baby? Seriously, why? Is it an attempt to keep him? Is it an attempt to prove your undying love and loyalty to a man who does not love you, doesn’t want to be with you, and doesn’t respect you?

You little lost girls who are running the streets looking for daddy, and looking for a man to love you will continue to dig these holes, and create these situations that are a detriment to yourself and the children you bring into this world. I understand you want love. I understand you want someone who understands you, but if a man treats you like an option, like a piece of meat, like some hood rat on the street, then you have to decide what your worth and value is so that he cannot do this to you, and think he can stay with him. STOP SPREADING YOUR LEGS!

These men are predators and are vile gutter pieces of trash. They are developmentally challenged, and mentally stumped. They are in the same boat as you, lost little boys with no direction, no guidance, and no hope for themselves other than to be breeders. SMDH! Chile, reading your letter and the –ish he says to you clearly demonstrates his lack of intelligence. The elevator does not go all the way to the top, and, yet, you think you’ve met your match. Bwahahahahahaha! Maybe you have.

You should have left him for good the first time you learned he lied to you and spent Valentine’s Day with another woman. Why take him back? He ditched you and spent the day with another woman that he clearly wanted to be with. If a man ditches you on a special day, your birthday, holiday, or anniversary, and he is with another woman…uhm, YOU ARE NOT HIS WOMAN!

Then, when you did decide to leave because you realized your own worth and value, you learned that you were pregnant and went back to him. SMDH! But, hold up, it gets better. You asked him what you should do, and he said that you should get an abortion. You couldn’t believe that this man, this man whom you loved and you felt loved you would tell you to get an abortion. Yet, you stayed with him, and decided to have the baby. Then, he confessed to cheating on you and said he had a one-night stand and that she was pregnant. Hmmm, a one-night stand….pregnant? I doubt seriously she was a one-night stand if she is texting him how bad she wants to be with him, and he is deleting the messages in an effort to hide them from you. And, he is going overboard with posting the baby’s ultrasound. Let’s not forget that his mother is throwing her a baby shower, and he asked his mother if she could move in with her. SHE IS NOT A ONE-NIGHT STAND.

Yet, you continue to delude yourself, fool yourself, and attempt to rationalize how he is your man. He belongs to you. He is yours and only yours. Sweetie, he is not your man. He doesn’t want to be there. He doesn’t want you or your child.

You have to find the strength, the power, and the courage to stand up for yourself, and leave this situation. He, nor his family respects you. And, it’s sad that his mother is acting the way that she is, and being childish by throwing the other woman a shower, but didn’t even ask you or consider doing something for you.

Love yourself enough to walk away. Love your child enough to not bring her up in this situation and this drama with a man who doesn’t respect women. Move back home, or find an apartment for you and your child. Enroll in school, do something with yourself, and empower yourself. Don’t fall victim to relying on this man to take care of you, when he clearly is showing you that he doesn’t want to support you. He is giving money to the other woman, and she will continue to benefit while you huff and puff and throw tantrums over him and her.

Go to court, get full custody, and put him on child support. Grow up, put on your big girl panties, and stop running after this fool. You are his option in his life. Therefore, stop making him a priority in your life. Move on, and take the time to take care of yourself and your daughter. Find some mentors, positive role models, and learn how to love yourself. Stop looking for men to replace daddy and give you love, especially mentally and emotionally inept men who can’t give you anything other than what’s between their legs. You have to think of your child, and not a man. Think of your future and that of your child. He cannot give you a future, especially if it has drama, another woman and her child, and he doesn’t want to be with you. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

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