Dear Bossip,

When I was 18-years old I met this 25 about to be 26-year old at a party.

We started talking. He made me his girlfriend. Been around his kids and family. I used to ditch school to see him. I was in love with him and accepted the fact that he had kids.

Three months in and for 3months I told him I wanted to marry him and have a life with him. He pushed it off. My mom wasn’t in approval and I kept seeing him behind her back. We had each others yahoo, Facebook, Twitter, AIM, home phone, address, cell, and OVOO.  We always stayed in contact which made it harder to leave, but it would be the downfall to our relationship because I ended up seeing pictures and comments I wasn’t supposed to. I figured if he cheating then I might as well I do it too, but my naive mind figured if I tell him all I’m doing and with who, then I wouldn’t be cheating.

I started talking to other guys with no intentions of sleeping with them, I just wanted the attention that I couldn’t get from my boyfriend because at the time my mom didn’t know I was still seeing him. So, it went from lying about going to hang out with so-and-so to be with my boyfriend, to actually meeting real life so-and-so and seeing less of my boyfriend.

I asked many times for a break for me to figure out what I really wanted, but he rejected and refused. He secretly went thru my phone twice. He saw some texts he wasn’t supposed to see. Once, during the ups of our relationship I agreed to do a tape and naughty pics for him to let him know that I still loved him and he was the only one I was with sexually. Huge mistake because something I did out of love would be the thing that would hurt me the most. How you ask? Every time after when I would ask for a break to meet a new guy friend or in his eyes cheat, or he gets really mad, he would threaten to leak the video and post the pics around my apartment building. Now, 2 years later, I was assaulted and he was there for me. He says he loves me, but gets mad and threatens to post the video. I’ve tried leaving many times, but he used that to get me back. I don’t know what to do. I really don’t want the tapes or pics to leak and I’m tired of feeling trapped to him. Help me! – Trapped And Confined

Dear Ms. Trapped And Confined,

First of all, your fast ass was 18 years old dealing with a 26 year old. That is a problem. You have nothing in common. He is too old for your ass. And, you needed to stay in your lane, especially since you stated that you were ditching school to be with him. I wish I was your parent and I found out that you were ditching school, I would have ditched my foot right up your ass.

But, hold up, Ms. Thang, after three months your hot in the pants fast ass was talking about marrying him and having a life with him? What the hell!?! What did you possibly know about him in three months to give you any idea that he was the man for you, especially considering he already had kids, which means he has more than one, possibly more than two kids? And, I’m certain he has more than one baby momma. So, therefore, your wretched ass didn’t even give any type of consideration or thought to the fact that if he is not with his kids mother’s, then why would he want to be with you? Your mother should have snatched a bone out of your neck and beat the hell out of you with it!

That’s what your generation is missing – A strong family support system with Big Momma and ‘em, and using a switch on your narrow asses to beat the hell out of you. You better be glad you didn’t grow up like I did where my momma, daddy, uncles, aunts, and whoever else in the neighborhood had the authority to whoop that ass, and use extension cords to tear that ass up!

But, let me address this damn madness your ass have gotten yourself into by making a naughty video and sending naked pictures to this trifling ass man. UGH! I wish I could just shake the –ish out of you and knock some damn sense in your head. Ole basic ass!

As a matter of fact, ladies and gentlemen, let this be a lesson to all of you out there – Never, never, ever make a naughty video, and send explicit photos to anyone over the internet, or via cell phones because you will end up in a situation just like Ms. Basic Ass who wrote this letter. Please know that whomever you’re in a relationship with that one day it will end. One day it will be over. And, it may end horrible, nasty, and bitter. And, guess what? They have the videos and naked pics of you that they can leak over the internet or share with their friends. You don’t EVER want to give someone ammunition to hold over you and keep you hostage or at their will because your freaky nasty hoe-ish ass wants to act like a stripper or some amateur porn star. And, none of you are Heather Hunter, Tera Patrick, Jenaveve Jolie, Havana Ginger, or Roxy Reynolds. So, please, please, please stop posting those unattractive, explicit photos posing in your dirty panties and bras in your whack ass bathroom shots with spots on your mirrors, and your toiletries on the counter. It’s not cute! But, y’all are going to learn about taking nasty pics and videos and sending them to the ‘so-called’ love of your life. Dumbasses!

Listen, I hate that you’re in this situation, but maybe this will teach your basic ass a lesson. Maybe this will be a teachable moment about dealing with gutter and street dudes who ain’t got –ish and won’t be –ish. And, just so that you’ll know this moving forward, IF YOU FEEL YOU HAVE TO PROVE YOUR LOVE TO ANYONE, THEN THEY DON’T LOVE YOU. LOVE IS NOT ABOUT PROVING ANYTHING. IT’S NOT ABOUT CONVINCING SOMEONE WHO IS INSECURE OR JEALOUS THAT YOU’RE WILLING TO DO SOMETHING DETRIMENTAL TO YOUR OWN SELF AND WELL-BEING TO MAKE THEM FEEL SECURE AND COMFORTABLE WITHIN THE RELATIONSHIP. WHEN YOU FIND YOURSELF AT THE POINT, STOP, TAKE A MOMENT, AND GATHER YOUR THINGS AND BOUNCE!

Unfortunately, there is nothing you can about him having the video and pics. You sent them to him. You tried being nice, and thought you would walk away and that’ll be that. Uhm, WRONG! He has them in his possession, and just like the bish ass he is, he’s trying to manipulate you into staying with him, and use them as his negotiating power. SMDH! Young lady, I hope you’ll never do this again, and if you ever meet someone new and feel the urge to do some bull-ish like this again, please call me. Please, please, please let me know so I can personally snatch that auburn dyed lacefront off your head and smack you upside your bald ass skull!

Now, if I were you, and you’re not me, and I’m not suggesting that you do this, but I’m just saying that if I WERE YOU AND IF I WAS IN YOUR SITUATION, THEN WHAT I WOULD DO, I would get his ass pissy drunk one night. Plan a special evening and make sure he drinks and drinks and drinks until he is totally inebriated. Then, when he passes out, pull off all his clothes, and get him buck naked. I would take videos, and pics of him laid and sprawled out with his nuts and penis in plain sight, along with is face. I would also get my “special toy” and place it strategically near his mouth and spread his legs and place it near his ass. Hell, I would even get him awake long enough to think he’s getting some and capture him getting excited and ready, and I would video tape it all. Trust me, he’ll be too drunk to know what’s going on. AND, THEN I WOULD MAKE MULTIPLE COPIES OF EVERYTHING! Then, the next day as I’m telling him that the relationship is over and he wants to get big and bad and say he will release the video and pics he has, I would double over in laughter and dare him to do it. Then, I’d pull up all the pics and video of him from the night before. BOOM! BAM! POW! You wanna rumble with the bee, huh? Throw a hex on the whole family! – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

“LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!

Dear Bossip,

I’m 45-years old and I have been dating a 42-year old man for a year now.

Well, in the beginning everything was great. For the first 2 months we were together every single night, and a month later he moved in. Okay, here’s the problem, because we didn’t know each other well we would argue A LOT. And, in the heat of the moment I would put him out. As a result of that he went and got his own place.

It’s now a year later we are still together. We have so many obstacles standing in our way. His mother’s side hates me, his father’s side loves me. All the ex-girlfriends wanna fight me. Now my problem with him is I can’t always tell if he wants our relationship. He used to tell people that we are getting married. I haven’t heard him say that in months.

He works a lot and half the time I don’t know when he is off. I have to call him. He is so moody at times that I don’t want to be bothered. Now, when its time to show me off I’m supposed to be ready. Ugh, it’s just so much sometimes. He makes me feel like he doesn’t want the relationship. He will call me and tell me he’s coming over and then don’t show up, but every Friday like clockwork (payday) he gives me money to get my hair and nails done, gas for my car, and pocket money.

I don’t know if it’s me but I don’t always feel his love and it confuses me when he acts distant. I left out that he still talks to last ex-girlfriend. She showed up at his apartment one night. He didn’t let her in, so she kept banging on the door. He told her he had company and she continued to act a fool. Eventually she left. Ok, so now you tell me what’s really going on. – I Love Me Sum Him

Dear Ms. I Love Me Sum Him,

You’re 45-years old, huh? I guess there are birds that are that old still hovering around.

Let me get this straight. You’re a grown ass woman, 45-years old, who moved a man into your home after two months of knowing him? Then, once you had this “ah ha” moment in which you discovered that you didn’t know each other that well, and would argue a lot, you put him out, and he had the bright idea to go and get his own place? Are y’all senile?

Hold up, hold up, hold up! Was this man homeless when you met him? How did he just up and move into your home if he had someplace to live already? Girl, you all are doing waaaaay too much. Y’all are damn near senior citizens acting like high school teenagers. Who the hell moves in with someone after two months, and y’all are in your forties? Where they do that at?

Then, your grown ass is sitting over there telling me that his mother’s side hates you and his father’s side loves you. SMDH! You’re a grown ass woman! Why do you care who likes you? You’re not sleeping with his family. He is your man!

And, you have the nerve to tell me that his all his ex-girlfriends want to fight you. Really? Really! Y’all are grown ass women acting like birds and rats over this dude? You know what, I get it, you’re a 15-year old girl trapped inside the body of a 45-year old woman. Your silly immature and non-developmental ass is a special needs case and you don’t know it. All this time you’ve been thinking you’re maturing and growing, but your family failed to inform you that they receive a check for you each month. Don’t believe me, ask them.

And, that will explain why your boyfriend gives you money every Friday to get your hair and nails done, gas money, and money for your pocket. Your family would hit him off with some of your disability SSI check and have him bring it to you to make it seem like he was breaking you off. LMBAO!

But, let me get to the issue at hand. He is not your man. You are not in a relationship. Here are the reasons why:

1.)    “He used to tell people that we are getting married. I haven’t heard him say that in months.” That’s because you’re not getting married. He is not going to make you his wife. You’re a Non-MoFo factor.

2.)    “He works a lot and half the time I don’t know when he is off. I have to call him.” Uhm, sweetie, when he is hiding and keeping his work hours from you then he doesn’t see you as someone important worth sharing his life with. He’s doing something during his off time and doesn’t want to be bothered with you.

3.)    “He is so moody at times that I don’t want to be bothered.” That’s how men do when they don’t want to be bothered. He will act moody and temperamental until he wants something from you, like your twat. Besides, he’s just not feeling you.

4.)    “He makes me feel like he doesn’t want the relationship.” That’s because he doesn’t. DUH! He’s not going to break up with you, so he will do things to make you break up with him. Some folks hate confrontation, and I’m certain he doesn’t want to confront you with ending the relationship.

5.)     “He will call me and tell me he’s coming over and then don’t show up.” This is a clear sign that you are not his woman, he doesn’t care about you, and he doesn’t respect you.

6.)    “I don’t know if it’s me but I don’t always feel his love and it confuses me when he acts distant.” HE DOESN’T LOVE YOU! When a man loves you, you won’t be confused or questioning whether or not he’s your man or he loves you. He will let you know and you will never ever have to question it.

I’m wrapping this up because you still won’t, can’t and don’t get it. HE IS NOT YOUR MAN! HE DOES NOT WANT YOU! And, the fact that his ex-girlfriend shows up at his place and bangs on the door acting like a damn fool, well, this shows me, and should show you that all of you have something in common. Each of his exes seems to be a particular type of woman. So, whatever you say or think about them, then that is what you should be saying and thinking about yourself. And, when you have the knowledge and information then you can change. So, be and do better. Can you do that? – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

“LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!

Dear Bossip,

So pretty much my friend hates me.

About 3 years ago my good guy friend invited my girls and I to a party. The night was going smooth, when we both laid eyes on this hot guy. I looked at her…she looked at me…and I told her you better go get that before I do. I didn’t feel no way about it because

I had a boyfriend at the time so it was all good.

Fast forward a year later, I was going through a difficult break up and my same guy friend told me he had the perfect guy for me. Just so happens, he was best-friends with the guy from the party. In any event I shut it down and told him no thanks. As far as I knew he and my girl had kicked it for a little bit and that was enough for me. My guy friend told me that wasn’t the case and maybe I should reconsider, seeing as his friend had asked about me.

So, I mulled it over and decided to ask my home girl what was really good with that situation. She was a bit taken aback, but told me they only slept together once and it wasn’t that serious. Despite having some reservations he and I became cool. No sex or funny business, just cool. We developed a really good friendship and became close. As time went on, his dad suffered a serious stroke and he leaned on me for support. This in turn brought us closer, yet, we never crossed the line, until this year. I realized that I loved this guy and didn’t wanna be without him. He expressed he felt the same way and wanted to move forward. We both agreed that before we did anything I had to tell my home girl. I can’t lie I was nervous. She was having such a difficult time on the dating scene and recently broke up with someone. I’ll be honest I put it off for a few months. I know it was wrong, but I just couldn’t do it. So, a few days ago I decided to tell her, seeing as she had met a nice guy and things were going great with them. She said she wasn’t mad and she kind of guessed it was gonna happen anyway.

So I’m thinking great! It’s all good! Let’s move on and call it a day. Wrong! She expresses to a mutual friend that I’m foul and she can’t believe I did that! She claims that she had feelings for him at the time and I shouldn’t have gone there. Now, if I knew all of that I would’ve never even became cool with him. I love my friend dearly…but should I give up on the man I love because she had “feelings” for him in 2010? Keep in mind they were never an item. – My Friend Or My Man

Dear Ms. My Friend Or My Man,

Wretched. Wretched. Wretched. Wretched.

Girl, don’t you know the rules of friendship??? Did you miss the meeting at Little Rock Missionary Third Street Pentecostal House of God on Mt. Calvary Baptist Church?

Rule number 1 thru 1,080 of the non-verbal friendship contract: Thou shall not sleep with any person/s that any friend has had intimate relations with, regardless of how long the relationship lasted, regardless if it may have been casual, and regardless if said friend states that they don’t feel any type of way about it. THEY DO!!!! THEREFORE, THEY ARE OFF LIMITS!

Honey, regardless if your friend and your man were never an item, the fact remains that she slept with him. They had sex. And, you know as well as I do that there is huge difference between men and women when it comes to sex, especially for a man. He can smash as many women as he wants, and even smash a friend’s ex-girl, or someone his boy kicked it with it and they do not think twice about it. Because men do not equate sex and love and liking in the same sentence, or emotional realm.  Men pass the p***y, and are not emotionally tied to the woman or act of sex. SEX IS JUST SEX! Many men are not emotionally invested in a woman he is casually sleeping with, not unless it’s his wife, or his GIRL or WIFEY. Most men feel that if a woman will bang or open her legs to one of his home boys, then she is wretched, trifling, and a whore. I’m not saying this is what I think, but most men think and feel this way. And, it doesn’t matter that the fact that his home boy smashed her after he did, the fact remains that she laid down with one of his boys and didn’t think twice about.

However, when women have sex with a man, uhm, the rule goes as follows: YOUR HOME GIRL, BEST FRIEND, CLOSE ASSOCIATE, OR ANYONE SHE IS COOL WITH SHALL NOT EVEN CONSIDER, THINK ABOUT, OR BED ANY MAN SHE HAS BEEN WITH. THAT IS THE ULTIMATE NO-NO. WOMEN ARE NOT LIKE MEN WHERE THEY CAN SMASH AN EX OR PREVIOUS BED PARTNER AND STILL BE COOL WITH ONE ANOTHER. NO MA’AM. WHEN WOMEN HAVE SEX, EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS ARE ATTACHED TO THE ACT OF SEX. SHE FEELS SHE HAS GIVEN HERSELF TO HIM BASED ON A CONNECTION SHE FELT SHE HAD WITH HIM, AND BASED ON THEIR CONVERSATIONS OR HOW SHE FELT THAT THERE WAS SOME HOPE OR SOME FANTASY SHE HAD THEY WOULD BE TOGETHER IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP, AND BY GIVING HERSELF TO HIM THIS EQUATES WITH HER VULNERABILITY, SELF-WORTH, AND VALUE.

Think about this: Your best guy friend invited you to the party initially and you took your girl where she met dude, correct? They didn’t hit it off, but they had sex, and it ended. A year later, your best guy friend says to you that he has the perfect guy for you. And, boom! He introduces you to the same dude that smashed your friend. Trust and believe that they’ve spoken and he knows all about the rundown that happened with your friend and his friend. And, without missing a beat or thinking twice about it, he introduces the same dude to you. Now, you tell me how dudes think?

And, I want you to consider the fact that you don’t know what intimate conversations your friend and your man had. You don’t know what he told her to get her in the bed and have her spread her legs. You don’t know what feelings she developed based on what he told her, and even as you stated, your friend seems to be a serial dater, thus, she may have been vulnerable and whatever he told her to make her feel good and vulnerable enough to take her clothes off and jump in the bed with him, she feels you should know her considering that you stated that you are friends.

I was in this same situation at one time. My friend dated someone, complained about the person, and how they weren’t really into them, and how they were just “kicking it.” Well, it ended between them after about a month. Several months later I was introduced to the person. We hit it off. We had a lot in common, and were really feeling each other. So, I felt I would do the right thing and tell my friend and be honest and frank with him. He stated it was no big deal, and that they were not serious and he didn’t feel any type of way about it. So, I moved on thinking we were all good. I ended up having an awesome relationship and experience with the person. But, every time I called to talk with my friend, hang out, or just do things we used to, my friend became very distant. I later learned that my friend was very upset that I pursued the relationship with someone they used to “kick it” with. The dynamics of our friendship have not been the same ever since.

And, Ms. Wretched Mess, I mean, Ms. Good Girlfriend, if she is your friend and when you brought it to her attention that you and home boy were interested in one another, and you stated her response is that she was taken aback, that should have been red flag sign number one.

If you were nervous to tell her that should have been red flag sign number two.

And, when she said they only slept together once and it wasn’t that serious, uhm, sweetie, that was red flag sign number three, and code for, “I really liked him, and I thought something serious was going to happen between us. And, if he calls me again and tries to reconnect I may consider it. But, I want to see if your trifling ass is going to push up on him, anyway.” Those three red flags should have sent your womanly intuition into overdrive, and you would have thought to yourself, “You know what? She is my girl. They had sex. She said she doesn’t feel any type of way about it, but if it was me and she came to me and told me she wanted to date someone I slept with, then how would I feel?” And, if you would have done that, then we wouldn’t be having this conversation today.

But, secretly you always wanted dude. It was always in the back of your head. You know how I know, because at the top of your letter you stated that you and your friend both laid eyes on the hot dude at the same time, but you told your friend to go for it because you were in a relationship at the time. The only thing between you and that opportunity was the fact that you had a man at the time! So, instead of trying to play this game with me, because I don’t play with little kids, if you don’t feel any type of way about losing her friendship, and the fact that she probably thinks you’re a whore and backstabbing friend with no morals or values, then continue dating dude and I wish you all the best. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

“LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!

Dear Bossip,

My child’s father and I have been in a relationship for almost five years.

We met sophomore year of college. He was fresh out of a break up with his high school sweetheart (who was known for sleeping around with girls). They were the ‘it’ couple. They’d been dating since they were 13 years old, when suddenly they broke up. That meant he was on the market. So, I basically threw myself at him, and him being a guy he jumped at my offer. While he made it clear in the beginning that he and his ex had history and if she ever wanted him back he would end our tryst. So, me not wanting to give up the d**k got pregnant. We began a relationship and I noticed he was very distant and not as lovey as I had seen him with his ex, so I began searching emails, text…etc. And, everyday these two were communicating telling one another how much they love each other and they’re gonna be together one day when I’m outta the picture.

Well, apparently that was true because I went into labor the day before her birthday and he showed up six hours late because he was at her party (she didn’t even know I was in labor).

Fast forward a few years. I’m still snooping and I keep finding pics of him and her, recent ones at that, in his phone. They text at least 150 messages a day. He spends holidays with her, buys her expensive gifts, and I can’t even get a birthday card. He is a great father to my daughter, but a lousy boyfriend to me. I feel second best, and when I confronted him about his behavior he replied, “I’ve known Jamie (let’s call her that) since I was 6 years old. I’ve loved her ever since elementary school and it’s not going away. She will always have my heart. Somehow, I just got stuck with you.”

I’ve never been so hurt! But, I guess a part of me was asking to be hurt. This woman has a hold on him and she can call him at 5am for fast food and he’s gonna get it. I love him but he doesn’t love me. I depend on him for everything. I dropped out of school to have our daughter, and he’s the one with the career!!! What the hell am I gonna do?! Part of me wants to kill his ex. Part of me knows it’s all my fault. He flaunts his love for her in my face and it’s killing me. How would you all handle the situation? Please Help! – I Want My Man

Dear Ms. I Want My Man,

Hot damn, hoe, here we go again!

You are a freaking idiot. I swear you don’t have it all upstairs. There is something completely taking up the space where your brain is supposed to be. Is it hay? Is it crumpled up newspaper? Is it smoke? I want to know who the hell would put themselves in this predicament and then expect something different from the outcome?

Your man is pursuing another woman, a woman you knew he would leave you for, and he said to you, “She will always have my heart. Somehow, I just got stuck with you.” WOW! WOW! WOW! And, you’re sitting over there saying you’re hurt, feeling betrayed, and why doesn’t he love me because he is my everything. I CAN’T!!!

You see ladies, this is what happens when you push yourself onto someone who doesn’t want to be with you. This is what happens when you pursue a man who tells you upfront from the very beginning that if his ex was to call him and ask him back that he would leave you and end the tryst, yet your wretched and scandalous ass doesn’t listen to him because as you stated in your letter, “I did not want to give up the d**k.” I’ve said it over a thousand times that d**k is a dangerous drug. It will have you doing some ill and stupid –ish like this woman.

If you’re finding text messages, and over 150 text message a day at that, along with pictures, and he spends the holidays with her, buys her expensive gifts, and he jumps up out of the bed and goes to get her some food at 5am in the morning, then sweetie, please please please tell me that you’re not that naïve and dumb to see what’s so painfully obvious. I want to shake the –ish out of you so freaking bad. UGH!!!!

I’m going to give you this bit of news: (Walks up to the podium and clears throat. Taps the microphone) Ma’am, he is not your man, and never was your man. He is not your boyfriend. He is not in love with you, nor ever loved you. He doesn’t respect you. Basically, you’re nothing to him but the mother of his child whom he regrets ever had slept with.

Why are still with him? It’s abundantly clear that he does not want to be with you. He does not love. He doesn’t even respect you. And, it is also abundantly clear that you do not love yourself. Nor do you even respect yourself. You’re over there complaining about his ex, but she has nothing to do with it. IT’S ALL HIM! He was very clear about his desire, love, and where his heart is. YOU just chose to disbelieve what he told you. YOU choose to wake your sleepy ass up and be stuck on the d**k hoping he will love you and be a family with you and your child. IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! EVER!

And, your beef is not with her. Your beef should be with him. You know what, you put yourself in this situation. You’re the freaking idiot with the lazy ass lacefront sitting cocked on your head. You had all the information from the beginning, and, yet, you played yourself, and continue to play yourself because of what? You want someone who doesn’t want you?

I’m wrapping this up because you gave me a damn headache and I can’t believe you actually put yourself in this situation and you’re trying to figure out why this man doesn’t love you. You’re sad, pathetic, and a basket case. And, ladies, whenever you date a man who just came out of a situation, especially one where he’s been with a woman for a long period of time, just know that you’re only a jump-off. You’re the in-between ass until he heals his heart. You will never get, have, or hold his heart. You see what this donkey did – she was hoping to capture the love and romanticized relationship she saw him have with his ex, but, guess what? She got a rude awakening. You can’t recapture what someone else has. It’s not yours, not meant for you, and doesn’t belong to you! So, here’s my suggestion to you: Get out of the relationship and let him go. He does not want to be with you. Nothing you can do, or say will make him change his heart. The heart does what the heart wants. This man’s heart is with his ex-girlfriend. Well, let’s stop calling her “ex” because it’s obvious she is his GIRLFRIEND. You’re just….well, what are you? Move on, please, move on. Get some self-esteem, some self-love, and some dignity. And, please leave her out of it. SHE IS NOT YOUR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. YOU ARE!!! Oh, yeah, dumbass, since you put in your letter that you want to do harm to his ex, and if something happens to her, guess where all the fingers will be pointing? – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

“LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!

It’s 2012 and we’re still mad about swirly lovin’? An ad featuring a white man and a black woman locked in a naked, Trojan-commercial embrace with the tagline, “In OUR future, you wouldn’t look twice,” has given all the racists in post-apartheid South Africa something to get mad about this week…

The ad, which the youth wing of the Democratic Alliance party created and posted on its Facebook page, has drawn the ire of both white and black South Africans, including an especially bigoted reaction from one commenter who posted a picture of a placid, Aryan-looking family on the DA Youth’s Facebook page with the charming caption, “Now that’s how it should be!”

Another commenter even complained that the genders of the ad:

Who is the head of a house? Yes, a man, and the man makes the choices and the women listens. So to some it has been offensive that the man is white and the woman is black, because it places the black nation under the head of the house, so to speak.

In spite of the controversy the Democratic Alliance youth wing has defended the ad with a firm declaration of the group’s unwillingness to bow to the role of racial politics:

We will not defend people who try to force others to comply with their preferences when those preferences show intolerance, unkindness, lack of imagination, failure of sympathy, absence of understanding, ignorance of alternative interests and needs in the human experience and arrogance in believing theirs is the only acceptable way.

The controversy is real! Do you think the poster should just be taken down?

Source

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Dear Bossip,

I’m going to get right to the point, Hun!I met this guy while at work a couple of weeks ago. After helping him with his retail related needs, we began to chat. He told me he was married for 11 years and divorced for one year, had a successful auto wholesale business, three children, etc. He eventually asked me out. I thought he was handsome, well-spoken, well-mannered, and well-dressed so I allowed him to take me to dinner.

After a few dates we really seemed to hit it off. So, instead of plunging in head first I prayed and asked the Lord to show me what purpose this person would serve in my life. After my prayer, I got the urge to ‘Google’ him.

During my search I found out that was actually married twice, there were several complaints listed online from customers he swindled or tried to swindle in various ways! On top of that, this knee-grow has accumulated 15 various misdemeanors AND felonies from 1997 to 2010!!!

I immediately hit him with the, “I’m not over my ex,” line and told him that I could no longer see him. My line was clearly ineffective as he will not stop calling and texting me! When I ignore his attempts at communication he shows up at my job!

My friends say that I should just tell him that I know he’s a crook, but I’m kinda scared! What should I do to get him to leave me alone?

P.S.- For the record, I have not given him even the slightest whiff of the cookie! I’m a lady! – Doesn’t Want To Be His Next Felony

Dear Ms. Doesn’t Want To Be His Next Felony,

Girl, I’m over here shouting and doing the praise dance to Souled Out by Hezekiah Walker. You deserve the You Ain’t Gon’ Fool Me And Have Me In A Trick Bag Award.

I love the fact that before you went any further with this man, you got on your knees and sought the Lord for guidance about your next move with him and what purpose this man would serve in your life. If only half the people who write in seeking advice would do the same before they jump in the bed with someone and end up pregnant, broke, with bad credit, emotionally drained, mentally stressed, and cluster f***ed, then they wouldn’t have the problem, stress, aggravation, and woe is me attitude. But, lo and behold, we have a woman who used the common sense God gave her, and she used her brain to actually think before she made a move, and look what we have BOOM! BAM! POW! She was saved and spared a life of heartache, misery, and pain.

You say you got the ‘urge,’ and I’m going to say, “You were instructed by that small little voice of God telling you to ‘Google him!’”

You see, ladies, gentlemen, chickens, roosters, birds, and donkeys, this is how you do it!!! Before you go any further with anyone, and jump in the bed, spread your legs, get on your back, and let your emotions run your life, you should seek some type of spiritual counsel or higher consciousness of understanding to give you guidance, a sign, a word, or a smack upside the head letting you know, “No you don’t! Pump your brakes and take it slow. THIS PERSON IS NOT THE ONE!”

And, you see what she discovered; He was actually married twice, and there were several complaints listed online from customers he swindled or tried to swindle in various ways. He also has 15, not 1 or 2, but 15 misdemeanors AND felonies from 1997 to 2010! Girl, he is a career criminal. One or two things could have happened: He would have gotten hold of your bank statements, social security number, and the next thing you know you would have had several businesses, cars, and other types of –ish in your name without your knowledge. Or, once you started sexing him, and he would have blown your back out, he would have came to you with some sorry ass lame line talkin’ ‘bout he wants you to invest in his next new business venture and you would have been handing over your life savings. SMDH!

I really do commend you on doing the right thing and deciding not to be involved with this master criminal, but, I’m like your friends. I would put his ass on blast! Freak that, “I’m not over my ex,” line. He doesn’t understand that type of ‘leave me alone’ tactic. He is a swindler and hustler. So, unfortunately, you’ve got to put on your ‘Knee-Grow-Be-Gone-Swindling-Ass Fighting Gloves’ and give him a quick one two punch. BOOP! BOOP!

So, print out all the documentation you discovered online about him. Laminate it, and put it in a nice binder and then make three sections with color coded tabs: Yellow color tab for married twice instead of once. Have all the information under this section. Blue color tab for all the complaints filed against him from customers he swindled or tried to swindle. Have the dates, names, and complaints highlighted in yellow marker. Red color tab for all the misdemeanors and felonies he’s been charged with. I would get all the court documentations and highlight them in yellow marker.

The next time he arrives at your job, you say, “Oh, hey, ______________. I’m so glad you’re here.” This is when you reach under the counter and pull out the binder. “I want to show you some things.” And, then proceed to flip through the binder and review each section with him. After you finish, you say, “Shhhhh, there is no need to respond. I don’t want to hear it. But, based on this information do you honestly think a woman like me would be remotely interested in a man like you?” Then slowly move toward your purse and pull out your glock, and if you don’t have a CCW license, then pull out your mace, and proceed to let him know, “I have a restraining order of protection. You have 10 seconds to leave and never harass, call, text, hand gesture, glance, or even drive in the same lane as me.” Then look up at the clock and then back at him, and then say, “You now have 2 seconds before the cops will have to pull me off your ass.” And, trust me, that will put an end to it all. LMBAO!

But, for real, you do need to let him know what you know about him so that he will stop thinking his behavior of showing up at your job, calling, texting, and harassing you is cute. He thinks you’re playing hard to get. Let him know you’re not playing hard to get. You’re just not playing! So, don’t be scared. Remember, God has not given you a spirit of fear but of love, power, and a sound mind. Check out the video below and get your praise dance on!! – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

“LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!

Dear Bossip,

I have been divorced for the past four and a half years.

I really hate my ex-husband, but have been using poor judgment and still sleeping with him since I lost my job. I have no income besides the child support he pays for our three children. But, he says I sex him so good that he will give me extra money if I have sex with him, which I foolishly have done.

One of my New Year resolutions was to stop having sex with him, money or no money. Now I had a suspicion that I was pregnant, and I took the test and it came back positive. I tried telling him but he is being rude and nasty because I reject his many requests and propositions for sex. I would not have a problem keeping this child but I am currently not in an ideal situation for another one. I have no job, no car, I recently lost my home, and my family and I had to move in with family. And before you go there, yes, protection was used. If it broke he lied or didn’t let me know. What do you think I should do? – Feeling Foolish And Lost

Dear Ms. Feeling Foolish And Lost,

Sigh! I can’t this morning. Where do they breed you women? Someone please show me the farm or cave where these women are being manufactured. I know you’re out there chewing crud and grazing in the fields.

You really hate your ex-husband, but yet you continue to sleep with him? Hmmmm. Then, because you lost your job and have no income, your husband proposes that he will give you extra money for child support if you have sex with him, and your dumbass agrees?!?! SMDH! I’m sorry but the only women I know who have sex for money are prostitutes, tricks, and hoes. Is that you?

Now, your trick ass is pregnant. You have no job, no income, no car, and you live with your family. And, your ex-husband treats you rude and nasty because you won’t continue having sex with him? Girl, I really am done this morning. You have got to be the most asinine stupidest person walking on two legs. Wait, do you walk on two legs or four? LMBAO!

Then, you have the audacity and nerve to sit up here and type that you have no problem keeping the child, but your situation is not ideal. Do you have any brain cells in your head? Do you have any ounce of intelligence or common sense? Why am I even asking you these questions, of course you don’t have any brain cells or common sense. You’re a donkey.

I don’t want to tell you what to do with the child you’re carrying because when someone like you knowingly and willingly sleep with someone and know the repercussions and possibilities of getting pregnant, and you know your ass is broke and disgusted, then you tell me what you should do? You’re the one who CHOSE to lay in the bed. You’re the one who CHOSE to spread your legs from east to west. You’re the one who CHOSE to sell your body as the hoe you are. And, now you want to know what to do? Girl, please step away from me and the computer screen before I reach through the screen and punch you in the face.

But, here is the thing: You’ve been divorced for the past four and a half years. Sooooo, you’ve been having sex with him all this time? Girl, you’re giving me a headache. I don’t even want to answer your damn letter. How can you possibly hate someone so much, yet you lay down, spread your legs, and let them climb on top of you and do their business? Do you value yourself? Do you have any morals or values? Do you have any self-worth or self-esteem?

You see, you’re the type of person that makes people want to smack the –ish out of you. I would reach all the way back and do a roundhouse jump and slap you in your MoFo mouth. How dare you ask me what you should do when you put yourself in this damn predicament? How dare you try to play victim and feel betrayed and misused due to the decisions that you made to keep sleeping with your ex-husband? There is a reason he is your ex! There is a reason you’re divorced! There is a reason he treats you the way he does! Please wake up and stop allowing yourself to be used and manipulated. Know your worth and value. Become a woman with a backbone and a stance. Oh, my bad, that requires you knowing that you are a woman with some worth and value.

Think about this, and then I’m going to be done with you because it is taking everything out of me to know find out where you live and beat your ass with a belt and bust you upside your head to the white meat with the brass buckle. Your ex-husband does nothing to help you in your situation. You’re broke, homeless, no car, no job, and no money. At no point has your ex-husband made any effort to help you, yet he wants you to lay down with him and bang his lights out? I am truly led to believe that you want to get back with your ex-husband. You have a secret desire that the two of you will work things out and live happily ever after. You’re hoping that by continuing to sleep with him that your snatch will make him realize the error of his ways and come running back to you. Well, look here Ms. Hee-Haw, he hasn’t, he isn’t, and he won’t. You’re just someplace to dump his seeds and use as his personal nut rag. I am begging you and urging you to please think about your unborn child, and your other three children. Think about the situation you will bring this child into and how you’re emotionally, and mentally inept to care for this child. Think about your family you’re living with and how they may not be so receptive and welcoming of having you bring another child into their home. And, think about the mouths you have to feed right now, and how it is a struggle to feed and clothe your current three children. As matter of fact, why am I even asking you to think, that requires using your brain and we all know that you don’t have one. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

“LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!

Basketball Wives. Football Wives. Tennis Wives. Golf Wives. Some may be crazy. But they’re totally hot.

Athletes always get the hot chicks. And these athletes may have chosen some reality star chicks and fast ladies, but at least they’re smoking! Let’s put all the issues aside and enjoy the athlete chop downs.

Dear Bossip,

First, I would like to start off by saying I do love this website.

I really like the fact that you do offer advice whether some of us are in a real relationship, or some of us are not. I love it.

Moving forward, I wanna start off by saying I am a 23 year old black female who have a serious problem. I never truly thought about it until now, but I am Pam (you know from the TV show, Martin). For example, I have been seeing a guy for about two months. We’ve been having fun, but then out of thin air he disappears. We haven’t had an argument or anything. But, New Year’s rolls around and I heard absolutely nothing from him and we were supposed to spend New Year’s Eve together, but of course we didn’t.

Needless to say I’ve been calling and texting him, but still no reply not even a sorry or excuse me…nothing! And, to make matters worse is that he will answer calls from a different number but just not mine, and he lives like five minutes away from me .

The sex was always good, but now I’m just running out of reasons he could have left me the way he did. Maybe it was out with the old and in with the new. But, damn, he could have given me a valid reason for the cut off! I don’t think I’m in denial. Like, no matter how many guys ask me for my number on a daily basis I just can’t, and I don’t wanna feel this feeling again. So, I always reply, “No, I got a boyfriend,” when actually I don’t. I’ve given up on being in love at only 23years old and refuse to look back. – Over Love

Dear Ms. Over Love,

Shhh! Y’all hear that? You hear the chirping outside. It’s getting louder and louder and louder. Awww, shucks, the birds are gathering. RUN!!! LMBAO!

But, girl, dude dipped off and didn’t even give you a formal good-bye, sayonara, or arrivederci. Damn! That’s cold blooded. Are you sure that the sex was always good? Or, is that your interpretation and not his?

Let me stop. I’m sorry, sweetheart. I know it’s heartbreaking when you’ve spent all of TWO months with a guy and he makes you feel the like the only girl in the world. He wines you (y’all shared a bottle of Moscato). Dines you (he took you to Red Lobsters – I put that “s” on the end because that how you pronounce it. And, you took home some of those buttery biscuits). And, then, when you felt it in your spirit that he was the “one,” you give him your goodies because he makes your vagina pulse in a way that no other guy has ever done. But, no sooner than you spread your legs and let him take the plunge inside your jungle of wetness, he is not returning your calls. He’s ignoring you and you don’t know what happened, especially, after you call and text him time and time again with no response. You say to yourself, “What is going on? Where is he? What happened? Did I do something wrong? Is he high right now? Does he ever get nervous? Did he f**k that other girl last night?” I know girl. I know.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, well, no I don’t. But, he is not returning your calls or texts because HE’S NOT THAT INTO YOU AND FOR WHATEVER REASON HE’S MOVED ON. I’m sorry that I had to be the one to say it to you, boo boo. But, it’s time to chalk up the experience and move on. Stop fretting and worrying about why he is not returning your calls. Obviously he is not a man. He is a little boy playing childish games. He is a wimp. A pussy. Why do you want to be bothered with someone who can’t express or even be man enough to let you know that things are not working out, and he’s not interested and he’s sorry that he led you to believe something else?

You’re young – a vibrant 23-year old with so much ahead of yourself. You’re going to meet many more bastards, assholes, jerks, and supposedly men who will play little boy games with your heart and emotions. So, Ms. Honey, pace yourself. The game is going to rougher and trickier as you learn and meet more men.

It’s time to get out of your rut, because I don’t do pity parties very well. Chile, sitting around listening to some old Mary J. Blige albums and drinking red wine will make you slit your wrists. No ma’am. Not today! Get up and get out! Stop being miserable and unhappy. Well, let me say stop choosing to be miserable and unhappy. You’re choosing to be sad and depressed over some dude you were only seeing for TWO months?!? Uhm, don’t make me snatch your horsetail ponytail and drag you out of the house. We don’t mope and complain about what one jerk or bum dude did. As my grandmother always told me, “One monkey don’t stop no show.” And, don’t let that baboon looking gorilla make you give up on love. There is so much love in the world. And, you are a product of love. Receive it. Believe it. And, know it. Now, get up and get you some self-esteem, some empowerment, and a dash of joy and happiness. Where is my potion bag with all my “feel goods,” and “overhim.com” trinkets? Okay, I’m waving my magical potion over the computer screen and anointing your body to be released of that man and his d**k juice. BOOM! BAM! POW! – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

“LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!

According to a new study, folks who fall asleep after boinking are more likely to be in love:

Dropping off to sleep straight after sex is a sign that you and your partner have a strong and meaningful relationship, according to evolutionary psychologists. The team from the University of Michigan and Albright College in Pennsylvania claim nodding off after sex is associated with a greater desire for bonding and affection.

‘The more one’s partner was likely to fall asleep after sex, the stronger the desire for bonding,’ says lead author, Daniel Kruger. The psychologists studied 456 participants and found those who fell asleep immediately had stronger desires for post-coital cuddling and chatting.

‘Falling asleep before one’s partner may be a non-conscious way to foreclose on any commitment conversation after sex,’ says co-author Susan Hughes, associate professor of psychology at Albright College. The study also found that despite the common stereotype that men fall asleep first, there was no significant difference between the genders.

What do y’all think of this one???

Source

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