Dear Bossip: We Were Engaged, But Took A Break, Now He’s In Prison & Got Married, But He’s Contacting Me

- By Bossip Staff

Dear Bossip,

I am a successful woman in my late 20s who happens to be still in love with my ex-fiancé who has now gotten married to his daughter’s mother while incarcerated.
He and I were together for six years, and after a disagreement we chose to take a break, that ultimately spiraled into chaos. We were separated for 3 months, however, we were still intimate and seeing one another regularly. During this time he had also starting seeing someone else (without my knowledge). During this time I also found out that I was expecting several weeks later. After some suspicious events occurred he informs that he had being seeing someone else, but informed her that could they no longer see one anther because he was expecting a baby with me. Several weeks later, she informs him that she too is expecting. For reasons I will leave unknown, I decided to terminate my pregnancy. She chose to carry her baby full term.

After that I broke things off with him permanently (so I thought). He continued to contact me and refused to let go.

Ten months ago, he was sentenced to three years in prison. The first several months he reached out to me and we began communicating again. Then, he decided that he wanted to work
things out with the woman who chose to keep her child. All those hurt feelings came back so I ceased our communication once again. However, he continues to contact me. Then, I received news that he married his child’s mother last month.

The issue is that he and I love one another very much. Although he married his child’s mother his sole purpose for do so was purely out of security while he’s in prison. I know he’ll coming looking for me the first chance he gets once he’s released. Do I continue to stay in contact with him even though he’s married now and in prison? What do I do? – In Love With A Married Man

Dear Ms. In Love With A Married Man,

Where is that damn place where these women graze? Or, what hood do they live in so I knows best not to travel and contract this contagious disease called, “Dumba**ness. Stuck on stupid.”

Ma’am, he’s in prison. For the next three years. What possible relationship do you think you can have with him? Why remain in contact with him? What you got to talk about? He’s married, and in prison. SMDH!

Talking about you and he love one another very much. Bwahahahahahahaha! He loves you so much that he was seeing another woman while sleeping with you, but he never told you until some strange suspicious events. He loves you so much that he got another woman pregnant at the same time you were pregnant. He loves you so much that he reached out to you from prison to reconnect, but then told you that he wanted to work things out with the other woman. He loves you so much that even though you were his ex-fiance he married her, and he didn’t even tell you. (Sips tea and gives you the side eye)

So, please explain to me how you and he can love one another very much, yet, he has always been consistent in whom he wants to be with you, and sweetie, it is not you!

Time and time again he has chosen the other woman. Time and time again he has done nothing but string you along, which means you were the side chick, the one who thought she had a real relationship. HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU. He has made it clear, very clear that he doesn’t want to be with you. He is using you emotionally and mentally, and you have allowed yourself to fall victim to his games and tactics.

This false sense of reality, this fantasy that you live in where you think that you two are destined to be together, and that he will come looking for you after he gets out of prison, three years later, is only in your head! He knows you are weak for him. He knows that he is in your head and that he can tell you anything and you will believe him. Pay attention to what he’s saying, and then watch his actions. They don’t line up. Never have. You keep falling for the ole okey doke of what he’s telling you. Honey, you sit up there and keep communicating with him if you want to, but he will continue to break your heart over and over again because he’s a liar, and his heart is someplace else. It’s not with you.

But, what I don’t understand is that you claim you are a successful woman, yet, here you are asking what you should do in regards to a man who has lied to you, got another woman pregnant at the same time as you, and then got married to her while he is in prison and you were his fiancé at one time, but, you want to know if you should continue to communicate with him for the three years he is locked up, yet, he’s married? Do you really see how asinine this sounds? Do you really feel or think a woman who respects herself, loves herself, and values her worth would put up with some bull-ish as this? Come on, girl! At what point will you wake up and stop allowing yourself to be a victim? After a while this gets real old, and you don’t have anyone to blame but yourself.

I swear dumb is as dumb does.

Look, he is using prison con to string you along. He’s nothing but a user, and all he wants from you is to put money on his books, and to spend the next three years doing his time with him. Uhm, NO!

Move on. Let him go. He has shown you who he is, where his heart is, and who he wants to be with. He can’t offer you anything, and he can’t give you anything. He’s married, and has a family. He’s in prison. He’s chosen his circumstances, so why would you allow yourself to be drawn into his drama? You deserve so much more. And, he is not the man that can give you more. Change your number, or stop answering his calls. Stop giving him the power and the ability to contact you. He can’t reach you unless you allow him access. He had six years with you to get it together, and he didn’t. When he was your fiancé and you took a break for three months, he chose to see another woman. He got her pregnant, and he chose to marry her. Either you pay attention to his actions, or you will continue to fall victim to his lies and deception. But, at some point you’re going to take responsibility for your role in this, and walk away. And, please let it be today. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Deanloveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

     

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