Dear Bossip: I’m 44 & Pregnant, But My Child’s Father Doesn’t Work

- By Bossip Staff

Dear Bossip,

I am 44 years old and pregnant with my third child.

I have a daughter that’s 18 and my son is 21-years old. The guy I am pregnant buy is 41-years old, and he doesn’t have a job, car, no money and he lives at home with his parents. I feel caught up, but I do love him and I want this baby. – Want His Child

Dear Ms. Want His Child,

You’re 44-years old, and pregnant by a man who doesn’t have a job, car, or money, and he lives at home with his parents. A grown 41-yeard old man with nothing to give you or your child. A grown a** man who doesn’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. A grown a** man who….child, I can’t!

This foolishness here is just absurd and asinine.

You have two grown children, and, yet, you’re thinking of starting over and raising another child? Why? You will be over 60-years old when your child turns 18. Let’s factor in that you will have to continue working to care for this child, and then you have to make sure you healthy mentally, emotionally, and physically as you will be caring for a baby, then a young child, who will turn into a teenager, and then grow from adolescence into adulthood. You’ve been down this road, and, here you are looking to do this all again.

Don’t get me wrong, lots of older women have children, and they have no problems with caring for their child/ren, and they do it with grace, and lots of love, but they have a network and support system in place to help them. What network or support system do you have in place? Your 41-year old non-working, broke, no car having, and living at home man can do what for you? Financially he is a loser. Physically he is a loser. Mentally he is a loser. He doesn’t work. He has no money, and he lives at home.

So, you are dating a child, and having a child by this child. SMDH!

Ma’am, what do you love about him? Please share with all of us what this amazing and wonderful man is bringing to the table that you so endearingly love and cherish? What attributes does he exude that overshadows his shortcomings?

If you feel you are capable, able, and willing to take on this new responsibility of being a parent, again, and at this age, then do it. Do it and love it from the time you give birth, and as you watch this child grow. I advise you to get support systems into place that can be of assistance, and can help you nurture, love, and give your child all the love, joy, and happiness they deserve. Bring this child into the world with a rallying team of loving caregivers. But, just know, that man, the one you are so in love with, will do nothing, be nothing, and contribute nothing. Having a child for a man that you love is the worst and wrong reason to bring a child into the world. A baby will not make him the man you want him to be. A baby will not make him do what you want him to do. If he is broke now, he will be broke later. If he has no job now, he will not get a job later. If he lives at home with his parents, and he isn’t contributing or paying bills there, then please know that he will not contribute anything to you, and if you ask him to move in with you, then, he will not contribute or pay any bills at your house either. He is a bum. A freeloader. And, a mooch. You choose your poison. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!


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