Dear Bossip: I Ended My Pregnancy, Yet, He Hopes His Ex’s Child Is His

- By Bossip Staff

Dear Bossip,

Me and the guy I’m currently seeing have been together for almost 3 years. We are madly in love with each other.

Near the end of last year, I got pregnant, but we both decided that we weren’t ready and so we went ahead and got the abortion. I was 4 months at the time and it was really hard. The very next month, a girl he used to see comes up and is claiming this baby to be his. He really wants it to be his (I think he has baby fever from the child we gave up.)

We are waiting for the DNA test, but I am so scared. I don’t know if that is something I can deal with. I love him dearly and don’t want to leave him hanging. The one thing that every woman wants to give her man, I feel was stolen from me. What should I do? – Not Having His Baby

Dear Ms. Not Having His Baby,

Ma’am, you were four months pregnant and you and your boyfriend decided that you weren’t ready to have a child, so you got an abortion. Yet, a month later a girl he used to see is pregnant and claims the baby is his, however, he really wants this baby to be his. Hmmm, now, I’m not a brain surgeon, engineer, scientist, or any type of doctor, well, not yet, but, err…uhm…he wants her to have his baby but he didn’t want you to have his baby that you were carrying.

What in my analysis can you deduce and come to some sort of conclusion?

  • He was cheating on you. And, your concern is not about his infidelity, but that another woman will give him something that you feel was stolen from you. Well, who stole it? Who helped you to make the choice to end your pregnancy? (Sips tea)
  • He wants her to have his child, and he is hoping the baby is his. Therefore, this baby fever you “think” he has from the baby you gave up is not a real plausible excuse or reason. If he wasn’t ready to have a child with you, and didn’t feel you were ready, then, why didn’t he feel the same with her? Why didn’t he tell her to get an abortion if he is not ready to have children? (Sips tea)
  • You and another woman were pregnant at the same time. He would not have told you about her, and certainly wasn’t planning on telling you he was cheating had she not gotten pregnant, and popped up at your doorstep claiming he is the father. So, how long have they been sleeping together? How long has he been with her while he is supposedly in a monogamous relationship with you? Are they still seeing one another? Why does he want this child to be his? Why are you waiting around with him for the DNA test? What benefit are you getting out of this, and what will happen if the child is his?

What’s sad is that I can bet all my money that you are going to try to get pregnant again just so you can compete with her, and hopefully give him something that you feel every woman wants to give her man. WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!

Your priorities are in the wrong place. Your desires and interests in pleasing him and making him number one in your life is exactly what will keep you bound and tied up with this man because you have given all your power over to him. You have no self-worth or self-respect. You don’t value who you are, nor do you value your body. To allow this man to dictate to you what you should with your body while he is laid up with another woman and got her pregnant, and then he tells you to get an abortion, but he is hoping that she is having his baby is very telling about how he feels about you and treats you.

You are nothing to him, and he doesn’t see a future with you. You are something to do until he finds another woman who will lay down and spread her legs for him. And, I am sure there are plenty of women doing it. The surprise and revelation is that this other woman got pregnant and confronted him. Just think of the many other women he’s sleeping with, but, fortunately, they haven’t gotten pregnant, yet.

You should take this as a blessing and move on with your life. He doesn’t respect you. He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t like you. If he can cheat on you and sleep with another woman and have unprotected sex, then he obviously doesn’t care too much about his own health and well-being, therefore, he doesn’t care about your health and well-being.

He has been lying to you throughout your relationship, and the only reason you now know the truth is because she got pregnant. Otherwise, they would still be sleeping together (and they probably are), and you would still be the fool. You can wait on the DNA test, and you can consider what you will do if the child is his, but please do take note that he is already prepared to take care of this child, and be actively involved in the child’s life, especially if he really wants to have a child. She will be his baby momma, he will be giving her his money, and they will be spending lots of time together and co-parenting, while you are sitting at home pouting, crying, and worrying about what he’s doing with her. Leave. Get out now. Save yourself. I know it hurts, and it is painful, especially since you gave up the baby, yet, she is carrying full term. But, you can move on, and not have to worry about being someone’s baby momma, and competing with another woman over a man and his attention, and his time. Love yourself. Love yourself enough to walk away. You have the power. You have the strength. Use it. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:@terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!


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