Me and the father of my unborn child met over Facebook about a year ago. We hit it off right away.
We hung out for about 4 months or so, and started to develop feelings for one another. Then BOOM! I was pregnant. I was so shocked and scared because now I’m pregnant by this guy I barely know. How is he going to feel about this? What is his reaction going to be? Just a flood of emotions rushed through me. His reaction when I told him was, “WHOA,” which was what I expected him to say because he already has a child and wasn’t planning on having anymore.
I didn’t know rather to be mad at him or myself for allowing it to happen. Though I was experiencing so many mixed emotions I knew I was going to love this child no matter what happens with me and him. I never planned on having unprotected sex, especially with someone I hardly know, but things happen.
Before we found out I was pregnant we spent so much time together living in the moment. No worries, just me, him and his son having fun. Once we found out, things slowly but surely changed. He stopped calling and texting as much. There was almost 0% time spent. However, I didn’t bother him about it I figured he would come around eventually.
We would argue about him being in relationships because believe it or not I was actually in love with him given the short amount of time we spent together. He would always tell me he’s not with anyone, which I knew was clearly a lie. He didn’t want me to go anywhere and sadly enough I wasn’t. I met his family and they embraced me, but I felt weird knowing he’s with another girl who has been around his family. I’ll never know the truth about his relationship status because he’s going to take that NO to the grave with him.
I was getting so stressed out about a situation that I have no control of. He’s going to do whatever he wants and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m not sure I even want to anymore. I work full-time and go to school at night, so I have a lot on my plate already. He works out of town in another state, so making doctors’ appointments can be a little difficult, but we’re dealing with it.
We communicate on a daily and talk as if nothing ever happened. I’ll start off talking normal to him then all of a sudden I get mad and not want to deal with him at all. I don’t know how to shake that. I guess it’s because we’re still having sex whenever he comes home, and the fact that he’s never apologized for anything. He sees it as he’s done nothing wrong because he’s single; but I try to tell him you don’t have to be in a relationship to hurt someone.
I am in my second trimester and we plan on doing everything together as far as the baby goes. He wants to help name the baby, pick things out, be involved as much as possible which I love, but there’s always that voice in the back of my mind, “WHAT ABOUT US?” Are we ever going to be a family or am I just another baby mama? – Pregnant By A Man I Barely Know
Dear Ms. Pregnant By A Man I Barely Know,
I truly don’t know where to begin with this letter. It’s just a hot a** mess!
You met someone on Facebook, and four months later you’re pregnant!?!? WTH!
Then, you throw that line in there that you didn’t plan on having unprotected sex with someone you barely knew, but things happen. HUH? Things happen? Oh, really!?! Like you spreading your legs and letting some dude run up in you raw and you don’t know who else he’s sleeping with, or if he has an communicable diseases. Things only happen when you participate in whore-ish activities. And, things only happen when you let a dude run up in you raw after meeting him on Facebook, and now you’re baby momma number two by some random dirty d**k dude. Therefore, he treats you the way he does because if you don’t respect yourself enough to keep your legs closed, then he will continue to treat you like a THOT by telling you he’s not in a relationship. He stops texting and calling and doesn’t spend any time with you because you’re nothing to him but a piece of a**. And, yet, you’re still spreading your legs for him even though you’re not in a relationship with him. SMDH! Girl, I can’t!
But, hold up! You were hanging out with him and his son? HUH!!?!?! If you knew he had a baby momma, then why would you lay down and ….. Child, why I am even bothering asking you questions. You don’t know your a** from a hole in the ground.
And, if this fool said he didn’t want anymore children, then why did he lay up with you with no protection? You two do-do brains belong together. Monkey see and monkey do. He sounds simple and dumb as hell. But, I’m sure since you two clicked right away after meeting on Facebook it had to be love. It had to be this chemistry that you two knew you were destined to be together. Well, if you two are trolling on Facebook, and you two trolls meet then what do you think will happen? (I’ll wait)
Ma’am, please tell me what are your priorities? What do you want to accomplish out of life? I don’t understand why someone like you who has a full-time job, and you’re in school would even think of laying up with some random dude you barely know and sleep with him with no protection? You were willing to throw it all away to be someone’s baby’s momma. Do you even love yourself? Do you even know your self-worth?
This fool is playing you and you truly believe and hope that you will be a family with him, one day. You have honestly convinced yourself that you and he will be the happy couple, living it up, and enjoying blissful life with all your children. You fantasize about this, don’t you? You have concocted a false-sense of reality where you truly think he’s going to ask you to marry him. Sweetie, he doesn’t care about you. He’s not interested in being with you, nor making you his girlfriend. Clearly he’s seeing other women, therefore, why do you continue to allow yourself to be played, and why are you still having sex with him?
Whatever lies and fantasies he’s filling your head with I cannot compete with them. You truly believe him and whatever he tells you. Whatever d**k tricks he’s doing with you, there is nothing no one can say to you to make you see otherwise because you are caught up in him. Not only are you his second baby momma, but I’m sure another woman will come up soon claiming to be carrying his child, and you will still be sleeping with him, and then you’ll end up pregnant again.
If you truly care and love yourself then you will respect yourself and demand more of yourself and him. You wouldn’t be playing these games with him wondering who else he is sleeping with, sitting up in his momma’s house while his other girlfriend is there looking at you crazy, and you’re wondering why he is not attending doctor’s appointments with you. If you had any ounce of self-worth and self-esteem, then you would know that this bull-ish game of him talking about he wants to pick out the baby’s name with you. Uhm, you don’t even know his full government name. How the hell can he pick out a baby name with you! You two don’t even know each other. You know nothing about him!
You talking about he works out of state. But where? Have you been to his job? Have you seen one of his pay stubs? Do you know any of his friends? Other than his momma, who else do you know? Do you know any of his family members? Do you know his father? Have you met his other baby momma?
Your option – finish school. Continue working. Petition the courts for full custody of your child. Put him on child support. Work out visitations, and learn how to be cordial as co-parents. End the relationship, and stop sleeping with him and selling yourself short. Get into therapy, and work out your daddy issues, and low self-esteem issues.
Girl, you are going to learn, and learn real quick. You stay stuck on stupid if you want, but just know you are going to be yet another tragic baby momma love story gone horribly wrong. And, the cycle will continue to repeat itself with you until you recognize who you are, and begin to love yourself. – Terrance Dean
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Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!