Dear Bossip: I Was Pregnant & He Left, But Now We're Trying Again

Dear Bossip,

I been with my boyfriend for 2 ½ years, and the past year we had a rough relationship.

I was pregnant and he left me for another female. I had my daughter early and I felt alone. All the while of me and my daughter being in the hospital I felt that he didn’t understand how I was feeling. I was at the hospital day and night 24/7. I felt that he should have been there too, but instead he was going out and was some were laid up with some female.

Well, we got back together and have been trying to work on repairing our relationship, but I still have trust issues. He goes out with his friends and I’m at home with our daughter. He has two older kids from a previous relationship, so when they come over I have them too while he’s out with his friends. Sometimes he doesn’t come home until 3 or 4 in the morning. I have asked him time and time again to come in at a respectable time.

I feel that he doesn’t realize that he has a good woman. All I do is work and come home and take care of all the children. I don’t go out. I get mad when he goes out because I feel that he doesn’t try to do anything with me, but if his friends call he jumps for them. I just don’t know what to do; a part of me wants to pack up me and my daughter and leave. – I’m A Good Woman

Dear Ms. I’m A Good Woman,

So, do you want to be a good woman for him, or for yourself? Who matters most to you? Him or you? Choose! Now! Today!

He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t want to be with you. He is still cheating, and he will continue to cheat on you. He doesn’t respect you because you don’t respect yourself enough to get up and get out of this relationship. He is destroying you spiritually and mentally. You are nothing to him but an in-house babysitter for his kids, and someone to cook, clean, and lay up with.

Chile, I wish I might sit up in the house all day and all night while my significant other is out running the streets, and I’m at home taking care of the kids, especially kids that aren’t even mine. Oh, hell naw! He got the game f****d up! You better get a backbone and stop pouting and complaining.

But, if this is what you desire, if this is what you want, and if this is who you want to exert your energy, time, and love to, then stay in this rut. Stay in this gutter low-life undesirable relationship and continue to be miserable. He will continue walk all over you because you continue to lay down and let him run his crusty nasty dry feet all over you. GET YOUR A** UP!

The hell is wrong with you! You are laid up in the hospital having his baby, but he left you while you were pregnant, and when you gave birth he was with another woman, but you got back together with him. Why? Please explain to all of us why you would get back together with a man who left you in the hospital alone while he continues to philander the streets doing whatever he wants, and with whomever he wants.

There comes a time when you have to stop letting these men do whatever they want, and you are sitting at home trying to be Super Woman, attempting to prove your undying love, and prove your worth to a man who could care less. Why do you keep trying to prove something to someone who doesn’t deserve you? UGH!!! I swear these daddy issues and low self-esteem and no self-worth issues will keep you bound and trapped to someone because you want someone, anyone to recognize you. You want someone to acknowledge you and all that you do. Welp, he ain’t the one, the two or the three to be trying to prove anything to.

Get out of this relationship. The next time he leaves to hang out with his friends, then you either A.) change the locks, and lock his a** out, or B.) you pack all your things, and your child’s things and you leave. Then, you go to court and put him on child support, get full custody of your child, and arrange visitation. Find you a church home, or some spiritual center and work on you. Work on your spiritual self and remind yourself of your worth, and being. Love yourself, and love your child. Surround yourself with positive loving people who will empower you and inspire you. Not someone who takes and takes and takes from you. Today, you learn to take back your power and stop waiting for him to acknowledge you or show you love because he won’t, and never will. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!