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A week ago, many of you may remember that I received a letter from a young woman who was in an abusive relationship, and was being held against her will. You can read her letter, along with my advice, HERE! Many of you have asked and wanted to know what happened to this young lady, well, I am happy to share with you all a follow-up letter I have received from Ms. No One To Turn To. Below is her follow-up letter in her words. I hope this helps some other woman, or women out there who may be, or have experienced a similar situation. Remember, you can get help. Find someone to talk to, and know that there are people, places, resources, and information available to help you. If you, or someone you know who is in a similar situation, or have experienced abuse from your partner, please call the Domestic Violence hotline and speak their trained personnel – 800-799-7233.

This is the follow-up letter from Ms. No One To Turn To:

Dear Bossip,

I’m writing you to update you on my status.

After six long months of abuse I knew it was time to go, but with limited freedom it was hard to actually follow through with it.

You see, I’m not a dumb girl who was so head-over heels in love and would rather be beaten and loved than to leave and heal. I had 14 hours of freedom a week. And, on a good week he would let me out the room for more than two hours or even take me out under one circumstance, if I act up or draw attention to myself I would be severely beaten. Like I stated before, he choked me once to the point I blacked out so I knew his threats came with a price.

I had no phone so the use of the internet was my only way to communicate with the outside world. Even though I knew the area so well I was never allowed to go out without him. While he was sleeping I decided to write you, as well as going to Facebook in hopes of getting in contact with someone who would help. I knew I had to act fast in order to escape, but fear had consumed me for so long that I honestly didn’t think I could leave.

I got in touch with two people via Facebook. One, whom I went to high school with and worked with, and the other a childhood friend of mine who located to a different state years ago, but I never lost contact with her until I moved in with Lamar. I told my friend what was going on and she asked me was I able to leave right then and there. She said that she would buy a bus ticket in my name and if I could and would be willing to leave. I’ve known her since I was five and we became “unrelated” sisters in a sense.

I told her I wasn’t sure because with him it seemed like nothing was possible. She told me to try to find any monies to get to the nearest bus station and if I did to let her know and in the meantime she would look up bus schedules online to see when the buses would leave. That’s when I decided to contact my ex-coworker and see if I could hitch a ride as soon as possible. She said yes. I let my friend know and from there the plan was in motion.

Lamar was still in a deep sleep when I decided to only grab my identification cards and nothing more. I changed the passwords on all of my accounts, that way he would have no clue as to what I was up to, and I rushed for the door once I seen my ex-coworker outside.  Later that night, I caught the bus to a state I’d rather not disclose. It took a day and a half to reach my destination, but all of a sudden all the fear was gone.

Once there, I explained in detail the horrifying details of the last six months. My friend grew to be a successful woman who is currently an employee for the state in which she lives, and to help get money in my pockets all she asked of me was to watch her two younger kids and she would pay me.

Since I have left Lamar has been threatening me on Facebook and has even asked me to come back. I blocked him and everyone I know he is associated with. I’m just ready to move forward with my life. I have had a nightmare or two, but I insure myself that I am out of harm’s way. I decided to visit Bossip today, finally, after everything that happened and I noticed you posted my story right away. I appreciate the advice, although, I took a different route in pursuing my freedom.

I was really baffled at some of the comments, but I don’t expect them to understand my situation. I have reached out to talk to my mom and I told her I was in a safe place and her response was, “I’m surprised you’re smart enough to leave. I thought he would have killed you by now,” all while laughing. I told her I don’t know how she could be so cold towards her child whom she decided to give birth to, and that I love her and I’ll pray for her.

I decided not to press charges or get the proper authority involved on Lamar because now that I have escaped that chapter of my life I don’t want to revisit nor relive it. Once again, thanks for the advice and showing concern. You are a great man and I hope you receive so many blessings because you are a blessing in disguise. Thank you so much! – Made It To Safety

Dear Ms. Made It To Safety,

Thank you very much for this follow-up letter. I, along with a number of readers, am very glad to hear that you made it to safety. We all were rooting for you. We’re happy that you’re out of that horrible nightmare of a situation, and that you have found refuge. I wish you nothing but the best, and that you are able to move on with your life, and heal and find true love.

I do have a request, and I hope that you will strongly consider getting into therapy. You have experienced some traumatic experiences in your life, beginning with your mother with whom you have a very strained relationship, to being raped by her boyfriend, and then being a victim of domestic abuse while being held against your will. Please get into therapy. It will help you as you move forward, especially since you’ve mentioned that you’ve had nightmares since leaving your ex-boyfriend.

I also recommend deleting your Facebook account and creating another one under a pseudonym, so that your boyfriend won’t be able to find you or locate you on social media. Even change your email accounts, and stop calling your mother. She will tell him where you are. Do not communicate with her or she will put you in harm’s way. I also suggest taking self-defense classes, and consider taking a CCW class. Though you may be in another state, and you feel he is no longer in your life, however, the fact that you left him and he’s still threatening you means that he wants to find you and will do anything to get to you. Please consider getting a restraining order, going to a women’s shelter, or calling the domestic abuse hotline to find out ways and means to properly handle this as opposed to wishing it, and he will go away. It will not.

Again, I, and many others wish you the best, along with many blessings. The new journey begins with you, and it’s time to start the healing process, and learning how to love yourself and protect yourself. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

     

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