My boyfriend is a lame. He doesn’t like to do ANYTHING!
I love to skate, but he doesn’t know how to so if I bring it up he says, “I don’t know how to, so I don’t want to.” Instead of going out learning and making memories he just blows it off. I swim sometimes and when I invite him out he sits out and watches me instead of getting into the water and having a splash.
It took forever to get him to come out to a club with me and when he did he sat around trying to talk all night. Yet, when he’s invited out by his guy friends to hotel party or their house he kicks back and he goes. He usually spends his free time playing video games and drinking wine.
He’s really becoming boring, but he’s a good guy and his priorities are intact. He’s very closed-minded and it’s becoming a problem. I’ve talked to him about it before, but I’m reaching the point where I’m tired of explaining myself. Not to mention he’s a very boring intimate partner. I’m very spontaneous, but he limits our intimacy to the bedroom and he does the same position at the same exact time in the same order all the time. Help me Terrance! – Fun Girl Boring Guy
Dear Ms Fun Girl Boring Guy,
Mix-matched couple. Eventually you will get tired of him, his boringness, his lack of excitement, and you will find a guy who matches you in your adventure and you will cheat, and leave him. Or, you may simply end it and move on because he is not going to change for you. And, if a man is not willing to accommodate you and your wants, then you end it before you start accommodating him and hating yourself in return for it.
Never compromise yourself for someone who is not willing to compromise for you!
If he is unwilling to join you in the festivities, and at least attempt to have some fun, then this will not last. It will end very soon. But, notice how he will join you in these outings, but won’t partake. What’s the point of going if you’re just going to sit there? Stay your boring a** at home, and play your video games. If he is not willing to compromise for only a few hours, just so that you can be happy, then he is not worth keeping. At least pretend to be having fun, or make some effort to do something different and exciting with your girl.
But, he may be just a homebody, and he isn’t a partier. But, I’m curious to know if he when he goes to the hotel parties, or homes of his male friends if he is just as laid back with them as he is with you. Perhaps that’s just his personality, and he may find enjoyment just being there, but won’t actually engage in any of the festivities. Maybe he likes the company, and his enjoyment comes just by watching others have fun. He lives vicariously through others, and may be a voyeur. Maybe he is a prude, and he’s reserved, and he doesn’t know how to let loose, and just jump in.
If this is who he is, then he is not going to change. He has a routine, and a pattern. He’s predictable. And, some women love that about their men. You don’t have to chase him, hunt him down, or worry about what he’s doing, and where he is. He’s at home playing video games and drinking wine. That is his fun. That is his excitement. Perhaps you join him on occasion and get a glass a wine and play the video games with him.
You say that your intimacy is boring, predictable, and calculated. Then, how about while you’re playing the game with him, and without any provocation, you just climb in between his legs, and start foreplay. Kiss him in between intermissions of the game. Spice things up. Keep him on his toes, but also incorporate your intimacy with his patterns. Find other ways to be intimate, and spontaneous. Ask him to help you to cook, and then come in with just an apron on and nothing else. Wake him up in the morning with light touches and kisses. Bring in toys and other adventures in the bedroom. Hell, become one of the characters from his gaming. LOL!
You mentioned that you’ve spoken with him about this, yet, nothing has changed. And, if he isn’t willing to adjust or adapt, then it may be time to consider ending the relationship and you find someone more compatible. Why remain in a relationship and there is no fun, no excitement, no enjoyment, and no pleasure. The only one who seems to be having fun is you, and he’s just coming along as the second wheel. He’s not adding to the fun. He’s not participating, and he’s not even attempting to engage. Who goes to a club and wants to sit around and talk all night? You do that at home. He’s not even making any efforts to learn how to skate, or even get in the water and swim. He’s a bump on the log.
Look, you can stay because he’s a great guy, and he’s not unfaithful or mistreating you. But, why stay and you’re not happy? Why stay and he’s not engaging, spontaneous, or adventurous. At least try something before dismissing it. Again, this relationship is going to continue to be a Debbie Downer, and no one wants an unenthused, dry, and sour relationship. You decide what you want, and what you need, and if he isn’t willing to make an adjustment, or even try new things, then it’s time to bounce. – Terrance Dean
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