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Dear Bossip,

I’m in serious need of advice and help and don’t know what to do.

I am currently 24 years old, and two years ago I thought I met the love of my life. Everything was going perfect with us, but then it seemed every week I found out something new about him that he was hiding.

First, it was the fact he had a child that wasn’t even 1 year old yet with an ex girlfriend. When I asked him about the situation he stated that he wasn’t sure if the baby was his because she slept with one his best friends numerous times and that is why they broke up.

I let the situation go and continued our relationship. Then, out of the blue, he breaks up with me and that same week him and he and the ex-girlfriend are together posting pictures and things. I flipped and then two weeks later he come running back to me. I accept him back and we continue to date until I found out the day after my 23rd birthday that the ex-girlfriend is pregnant again. Heartbroken I asked him about it and he admitted to sleeping with her and kept apologizing and saying he felt she was trying to trap him.

I’m no fool, and I know it takes two. But, after that I left him alone and he kept pursuing me non-stop. I’m talking pop-ups, calling my house, following me and just doing outrageous things. But, in November last year, while I was dating someone new, he called me and asked me to take him back and work things out or watch what he does. I of course rejected him, and a week and half later he got married to the ex-girlfriend at the court house.

I can’t lie I was devastated, but I just left it alone. Not even two months after the wedding he started chasing me again, talking about he loves. And, although I tuned him down for a good month we started have sex with each other again. Now, I don’t know how to get away from him.

We have several arguments about why and how we broke up and the fact that he’s married. I date from time to time and although he doesn’t get mad about it he doesn’t want me sleeping with anyone and feels that if I meet someone one day and get married that we should still continue this “relationship.” I don’t want to be considered one of those side chicks or mistresses but I do know better.

When I asked him what he wants from me and why don’t he just leave his wife he states, “It’s cheaper to keep her.” Their relationship is so weird that the damn man is gone every weekend and don’t go home until 6 in the morning, which makes me question what exactly is their marriage about? I swear I have tried to keep this man away from me, but I admit he is crazy as hell. He knows where I live, knows who I talk to and literally watches my house when he wants to “check up on me.”

I am trying to find ways to back myself out of this situation, but he keeps pulling me back and I just want to be rid of him. Please, please help me. – Confused, Depressed, and Just Don’t Know What To Do

Dear Ms. Confused, Depressed, and Just Don’t Know What To Do,

The fact and the real tea is that you like the attention, the stalking, and the drama. If you didn’t, and if you really wanted to back out of this situation you would simply back out of it. But, you won’t because you are enjoying having someone else’s man, and you enjoy being the jump off, the mistress, the side chick, the hoe on the side, the bottom bish.

You and he are vile and repulsive gutter whores. You are irresponsible, trifling, silly and immature. You don’t care about anyone but yourself, and having your desires and needs met. I hope his wife finds out what’s going on and takes him for everything, and whoop your a**!

How dare you sit up here and say you are depressed, confused, and don’t know what to do? Bird, you had ample opportunities to get rid of this man, but you didn’t. The fact that he lied to you from the beginning about a child he had with his ex-girlfriend, yet, he said she cheated on him numerous times with his best friend, but he broke up with you and went back to her. If she was cheating on him with his best friend, and he wasn’t sure if the child was his, then why go back to her? It’s because the same behavior he is doing with you of running after you, stalking you, and refusing to let you go is the same thing he did with her.

But, hold up, the fool marries her, and you know this, so what does that say about his real feelings for you? You are a dumba**! You know he is married, and though you reject his advances, you begin sleeping with him, again. Why? What is so appealing about having a man hunt you down, pop up at your house, stalking you, and watching you? Why not go t the police and get a restraining order?

What woman, grown a** woman will sleep with another woman’s husband, and still think she is classy, respectable, and have any self-worth? You’re so concerned about why he doesn’t go home, and what type of marriage they have, that you are not even thinking about what this says about your character, your behavior, and how he treats you as the side bish who he can run up in raw. You are a donkey, and donkey behavior produces donkey results.

He is a stalker. He is crazy. He is a lunatic. He is insane. He is controlling. He is obsessive. And, you are weak. You have no self-respect. You have no self-worth. And, you don’t value you, your body, or your worth. Because if you did, you wouldn’t be in this situation, and you wouldn’t allow this to go on. You would put an end to it, and it wouldn’t have gone this far, especially once you learned he lied, and his ex-girlfriend had his child, and he got her pregnant again.

So, Ms. Stuck On D**k Juice, how about you have some dignity, some grace, and some class about yourself and leave this married man alone. HE IS MARRIED. HE HAS A WIFE. If he really wanted to be with you, loved you, and cared about you then he would be with you and not married to his wife. If he had issues with his ex-girlfriend, and her infidelities, then he wouldn’t have gotten her pregnant a second time, and he wouldn’t have married her.

And, I can’t believe this fool had the nerve to fix his mouth to say that if you meet someone and get married that you and he will continue your relationship with each other. What in the hell? Are you freaking serious? Ugh! I can’t! And, I’m sure you thought that was cute, and it turned you on. I’m sure that you reveled in it, and the possibility of maintaining an affair with a married man while you’re married. Do you graze outside on a regular basis?

If you don’t want to be bothered, really don’t want to be bothered, then get a restraining order and tell him to stay out of your life. Block his number, call the police if you see him outside your home, and he is popping up unexpectedly. Please grow up, stop acting like some slore who can’t control her urges, and stop letting this man use you, and your body. If you don’t want to be a mistress or some side chick, then stop acting like one. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

      

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