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Dear Bossip,

I am a 26 year old single woman who is having an affair with a 53 year old married man from work.

I know that I should not be involved with a married man under no circumstances. I noticed that he had a thing for me, but he never came out and said it. One day after work he offered me a ride home which I declined, and I knew then that he wanted something from me.

Recently, my co-workers and I all went out to celebrate and I was happy that “Troy” came out with us. He offered me a ride home which I accepted. During our ride home he mentioned how he was attracted to me, and I said that I was attracted to him as well. He asked me when was the last time I dated? Furthermore, we arrived to my house and he asked me if I needed help to my door, and I said yes and invited him in. We both fooled around that night and even exchanged phone numbers. I said that I didn’t want to keep him late since it was around 2am, and he said along the lines of how no one was at his home and how he doesn’t answer to anyone.

Since that night he and I have hung out a few times. He mentioned once before coming back to my house that he was going to bring me breakfast in bed. I told him that he didn’t have to, and he said that he knows he doesn’t have to, but that he wants to. He never brought me breakfast in bed, so I let it go. I’m still a little upset about that.

Every time that he is at work he wears his wedding ring, however, when he comes to my house he does not wear his wedding ring. I am confused about the whole situation on whether or not he’s with his wife, even though I don’t care at this point, sorry to say.

I know that our relationship is sexual, however, we never discussed anything else between us. I know that what I am doing is not right, and I want God to work with me on this. Troy never brought up his wife to me, and whatever situation they may be going through. Should I ask him about his wife and what their status is?  I am a bit concerned. Thank you for your time. – Having An Affair With A Married Man

Dear Ms. Having An Affair With A Married Man,

Sad. Pathetic. Trifling. Disgusting.

You had the never to say in one sentence that you are confused about the situation between he and his wife, and that you don’t care. But, in the next breath you state that you know what you’re doing is wrong and God will work with you on this.

Yes. Hell is a special place reserved for you and he.

How dare you sit up here and say God will work on you with this. Why put God in this? You are having an affair with a married man because YOU want to. No one is making you sleep with him. No one is making you invite him to your house. No one is making you continue this affair. So, tell us all why you are being a whore? What does it feel like to know you are sleeping with another woman’s husband and he has a wife and family at home? What type of woman will knowingly do what you’re doing and say she has no concern, thought, or care about the consequences of her behavior?

Oh, I can tell you, a whore. A low down dirty trifling gutter piece of –ish. Then, you have the gall and nerve to say at the end of your letter that you are concerned because he never brings up his wife. Oh really?!?! You’re concerned. Why? You want to have a conversation with your infidel lover about his wife and to discuss what he’s doing to her and how wrong it is? What do you want to discuss with him about his wife? And, why are you so concerned about her if you weren’t concerned about her when you spread your legs for him. And, I’m certain you’re not using condoms. So, he just lays up in you and does his business and goes home to his wife. Disgusting.

If you’re so concerned and worried, and want to know what’s going home at his house. He’s already told you from the beginning. He doesn’t answer to anyone, and that includes you. He’s let you know that under no certain terms will he ever answer to anyone, and so you are not going to ask him questions and talk about his wife, or what you and he is doing. He’s made it clear that he will do what he wants, when he wants, and come and go as he pleases. And, you are complicit in this. You allow him to come and go and have sex with you with no questions asked.

Stop having sex with a married man. Stop laying up and sleeping with another woman’s husband. Stop giving yourself to someone who will never fully give themselves to you. Stop being number two. Stop inviting him to your home. Stop calling him and answering his calls. Stop all of it now and today!

This is dangerous, and it’s wrong. Sleeping with a married man from your job will only make your situation worse because when it ends, and it ends horribly, everyone will know your business, the work environment will become difficult, and it will create a hostile environment to be in. GET OUT OF THIS SITUATION NOW!

You’re 26 years old, and you are sleeping with a man who is 53 years old, and married. So, you mean to tell me that you can’t find a man your age, or around your age to date? You can’t find a man who is single, and available? Here you are being preoccupied by a married man you work with. You have nothing better to do with your time other than to f**k up someone else’s home and life. You can’t think of anything better but to lay on your back and let him raw dog you, and you’re upset because he didn’t bring you breakfast in bed like he said. Girl, please have several seats! Donkey behavior continues to breed donkey actions.

But, you know what. You won’t stop and you won’t end it because you said you didn’t care. And, I truly hope that his wife learns of the affair and comes up to the job and whoop both of you, and then divorce him and take him for everything he’s got. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

      

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