Dear Bossip: My Friends With Benefits Moved In & I Caught Him Cheating

Dear Bossip,

I started dating this guy about 2 years ago. At first, it started off as more of a friend’s with benefits type of thing, but eventually it started to grow into more.

About 8 months ago, he ended up moving in with me after some issues with his roommate. It was supposed to be for a few months, but as we got even closer, the time period has extended.

Well, at first things were going great, even though we had yet to establish a title or make it official that we were in a relationship. We talked about our futures, and he started pushing me to go back to school, and we even discussed kids. Then, one month he began acting very distant, and started going out of town on the weekends more. I would ask what was wrong, and he would let me know it wasn’t me. He just had a lot on his mind. I asked him if there was someone else and he insisted it wasn’t. I didn’t doubt this because he was always with me and I assumed he was going out of town with his family.

Anyways, his attitude was terrible towards me. We stopped really communicating, and stopped having sex for about a month. Then, one day he “went back to normal.”

One day, he left his phone unlocked, and I had never looked through his phone before, but that day I did. I saw messages between him and another girl. He was telling her how much he missed her, and couldn’t wait to go see her again. He was discussing children with her, and other things. He was so sweet to her, something he hadn’t been in the previous month with me.

I confronted him (not telling him everything I saw) and he made it seem like it was nothing. He told me I was overreacting to it, and it was just a sex thing for the most part, and he was just “running game.” I figured I really couldn’t be mad because we weren’t together, which was a point he had brought up.

Fast forward, I went through his phone again a few months later and saw he was still talking to her, and I found a picture. I brought her up again (not the fact that I had read his messages again), and we discussed it. Eventually, we ended up in a relationship. Later on, though, when I went to meet his family, I remembered a picture I had seen in his messages, and realized the house I was at (his cousin’s) was the same house in that picture. I put two and two together and figured she had met his family before me.

We argued about that and he eventually apologized. I let him know I knew a lot more about him and the girl than I had told him. He “confessed” everything from how they’d had sex to why they were talking about kids, etc. It was overwhelming and I was hurt. We went back and forth about it and eventually “found a resolution.”

The issue is he still talks to her. I read his messages, and see that the conversation isn’t nearly like it was BUT, he still talks to her. When I ask him why, he says that before they ever started having sex and stuff that they were friends. He also says he doesn’t feel the need to tell her he has a girlfriend because they don’t “talk like that” anymore. He brings up the point that he’s always with me, and he’s stopped going out of town period. He also brings up the fact that we’ve only been in a relationship for about a month now, and he hasn’t done anything wrong. He says we can’t move forward if I don’t stop bringing that up and he doesn’t see why I’m so worried about her. He’s really bothered by the fact that I don’t trust him, which I do when he’s in town with me, it’s just when he leaves.

Can we move forward? Should I care that he still communicates with her? – I Want Us To Work But Not Sure If We Can

Dear Ms. I Want Us To Work But Not Sure If We Can,

Sigh!

Really Ms. Detective. You can’t figure this out and see the clues he’s leaving and put two and two together. Honey, it’s four. Well, in this case, he’s still sleeping with her. He’s smarter than you, therefore, he’s not putting everything or saying anything on his phone, via text message, because he now knows you’re going through his phone. GIRL, wake your a** up and see what’s really going on. Stop beingd**k-matized and holding on to some weak d**k for the sake of saying you have a man. HE IS NOT YOUR MAN!

Let’s get a few things clear. One, when you first discovered he was cheating he told you that you couldn’t really be mad because you and he were not together as a couple. What the hell!?!?! He is laying up in your house, living with you, sleeping with you, and you are acting like a couple, but he throws it in your face that you are not a couple. And, you still have that fool living in your home? Sigh. Nut juice is a dangerous syrup.

But, let’s backtrack for a minute. You’re friends with benefits, and his situation with his roommate goes sour, so he moves in with you temporarily. Uhm, no ma’am. Mistake number one. If he is living with someone, and he doesn’t have the means to move out on his own, then you should have taken that as a sign that he is a moocher. He is a user. He can’t afford to live on his own, and he moved in with the convenient chick, by the way that’s you, and he can continue using you and playing you for a place to live. I bet he doesn’t even contribute, and that you are footing everything. SMDH!

Number two, you misconstrued his actions of living with you as a sign to be in a relationship with him. But, he nipped that –ish in the bud real quick and put you in your place when you learned he was sleeping with another woman, yet, he was living with you. He politely told you and reminded you that you were not his woman. And, you sheepishly fell back and nodded your head saying, “Yeah, you right.” SMDH!

But, your happy and thirsty a** is so desperate for a man, that even though you learn of him still sleeping with the other woman, and texting and calling her, you confront him again. And, because he is busted, and he feels trapped in a corner, the only resolution you come to is for you and he to be in a relationship? Really? Really! You get into a relationship with a man who is obviously using you, playing you, and running game just like he told you that he was running game on her. Bird, he’s running the same game on you, too!

Now, this player is still talking to her, while he’s living with you, and he’s in a relationship with you, and he told you that he doesn’t feel the need to tell her that he has a girlfriend because they don’t “talk like that anymore.” Girl, bye!

You must be young and naïve. You really must be slow and stuck on d**k. Because ain’t no way in hell I would allow anyone to remain in my house and we’re in a relationship, and they continue talking to the tramp they got caught sleeping with and don’t feel the need to tell them they are in a relationship. Oh, no ma’am! You won’t be living with me. You will be living on the street, at your momma house, or with the tramp you told me that you’re running game on.

Why are you in a relationship with him? Seriously, why? He doesn’t want to be with you. He is using you until he either comes up with another plan, or he finds another woman he can run game with and go live with her, or he saves enough money to move on his own. Though, I doubt if he will ever save any money to live on his own because he has you, the chick who he can run game and play and tell anything and you will believe it.

This fool sitting up here talking about you’ve only been together a month and he doesn’t know why you don’t trust him. He’s always with you, and he’s not doing anything. Uhm, he got the game real f***ed up! He got caught numerous times cheating, AND, he confessed to cheating, so, no, you don’t and shouldn’t trust him. GET HIM OUT OF YOUR HOUSE!

How the hell is sitting up there talking about you’ve only been together a month! Really, numb nuts!?! You’ve been up in the house for more than a year, so don’t pull that “we’ve only been in a relationship for a month, so you got to trust me. Because I’m on my best behavior now, and I haven’t done anything.” Uhm, sweetie, he should be saying all of this on the other side of the door with his all his clothes in the big black Hefty garbage bag. The f**k outta here with that bull-ish!

Please get out of this relationship, and put him out of your house. You’re not in a relationship. You are a source of convenience for him. Convenient in-house good-good. You are a place for him to lay his head and mooch off you. If he was serious about you, then, he would have no problem telling his other chick that he has a woman now and there is no need for them to be in communication any longer. They are not and were not friends before. And, trust and believe, don’t let him fool you into believing that all of a sudden after he got caught sleeping with her he can go back to being friends with her. Uhm, hell naw! Just like you and he were friends with benefits, she is new friends with benefits, and he got you believing she’s just a friend. He is lying to you! He is using you! He doesn’t want to be with you. Put him out. Change your locks. And, move on from him. He’s been playing since day one. You better put your detective skills to better use and recognize the crime he’s committing. – Terrance Dean

Photo source: Shutterstock

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