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Dear Bossip,

Well, I’m going to get straight to the point. I will have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years this coming January.

I recently found an empty condom wrapper under his bed. He says it was his homeboys – mind you a couple months ago he had told me how one of his homeboys put a condom at the end of his bed at the wood part of his bed. So, I know there are still some kind of immaturity and playfulness like that.

I have swept under his bed and last time I cleaned it I was already about 2 months pregnant. So, I’m sure there was nothing like that under his bed. We don’t use condoms anymore. I know his pass code to his phone because he gave it to me. And, yes I go through his Facebook and messages and calls, and so far I’ve never found nothing. I don’t know what to think. It’s possible he could be cheating, but I don’t know. – Not Sure And Just Checking

Dear Ms. Not Sure And Just Checking,

I have a question – if you are going through your boyfriend’s phone to check his messages and calls, and you are trolling on his Facebook page to check for something, well, I’m curious to know if you have to do all of this to keep your man in check, then, why are you in a relationship with him? Why are you constantly checking on him and going through his phone and social media life if you are comfortable in your relationship with him? Obviously, he’s done something in the past to make you feel as if you can’t trust him. So, if you’re doing all of this to maintain your sense of trust of him, then, perhaps you shouldn’t be in a relationship with someone you don’t completely trust or have any honest communication with.

It’s really that simple. Yes, that simple. If they cheat, then you leave. If they lie, then you leave. If they hit you, then you leave. If they abuse you emotionally, or mentally, then you leave. If you don’t trust them, then you leave. Who has time to go through the mental and emotional drama with someone and you don’t trust your mate? Why put yourself through all of that? It’s not worth it. It’s a strain and it takes too much energy of always going through someone’s phone, checking their Facebook, Instagram, and other social media sites. It’s too much drama confronting them over every little thing that you find, discover, or think is going on.

If you found an empty condom wrapper under your man’s bed, and you’re not using condoms any longer, then, put two and two together. What do you get? You and he are not using condoms. There is an empty condom wrapper under the bed. Please use your intelligence and sleuthing skills that you obviously learned in “How To Find Out If Your Man Is Cheating 101.”(Sips tea)

Yes, his homeboy could have put it there. Yes, he could be pranking him, and put the empty condom wrapper in his bed. But, from the tone and timeline in your letter in which you’ve discovered empty condom wrappers, well, ma’am, this is the second time. You stated you recently found an empty condom wrapper. And, the first time was a few months ago, which he claims his homeboy put there. If the first time his homeboy placed it there, then, did his homeboy place another one in his bed? (Sips tea)

Maybe your boyfriend has never cleaned under his bed, and there are plenty of empty condom wrappers around his room, under his bed, in the closet, in his drawers, under the dresser, hell, they can be under the mattress. Considering you used condoms before, and I’m sure he’s used them with other women, then, maybe they got lost after he did the deed. If this is the case, then your boyfriend is trifling, nasty, and disgusting.

But, my biggest concern is why are you having unprotected sex, and you’re coming up on 2 years of being in a relationship? You didn’t mention being engaged, or him asking you to marry him. You didn’t mention if you two have gotten tested together, and why you decided to stop using condoms. Why are you pregnant by someone you don’t trust? Why are you in a relationship and playing house with a man whom he and his homeboys are immature and silly, and they are playing games of “put the empty condom wrapper in his bed to make his girlfriend jealous?” You’re carrying his baby, finding empty condom wrappers in his bed, his friends are playing games, but, this is the second time you’ve found an empty condom wrapper, and you’re trolling your boyfriend’s phone and social media because you don’t trust him.

Ponder on these and then you let me know what you should do. – Terrance Dean

Photo source: Shutterstock

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, clickHERE!

      

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