Dear Bossip: I Have To Go To Court Because She Thinks I Want Her Man

Dear Bossip: I Have To Go To Court Because She Thinks I Want Her Man

- By Bossip Staff

Dear Bossip,

I’m a 27 year old African American elementary teacher with a 2 year old daughter.

I’m not with her father anymore because he was a miserable person to be with. Anyway, the issue I’m having is that I have a male Hispanic 24 year old neighbor who really likes me, but to me he’s just a cool person that I don’t mind talking with. I don’t see him being my man. He was sleeping with a white 30 something year old neighbor at one point, but that was before me and him became cool.

Well, in June, I got fired from my job. I was talking to him about it at my house and this woman pops up saying, “Do you know I have been sleeping with him for 8 months?” I politely told her that I don’t care. He’s just a neighbor, and I’m not sleeping with him. I don’t even like him like that. He told her to get away and explained to me that they were never in relationship and it was just sex. But, at that time, I told him I don’t care who he’s sleeping with, we’re just neighbors and just make sure she don’t come back to my house.

Fast forward to August, and I got a new job teaching and I love it. I’m at work and I get a text message saying, “I hope you like my leftovers. I have some food in my fridge you can have since you like leftovers so much.” I was tired of it. I have been nice to her in the past, but this time I told her if she text my phone again I will personally come to her house and whoop her “you know what.”

She kept texting. She sent me a picture of her “so-called” new man saying she upgraded and she sent me a pic of him saying how fine she is. All the while I’m thinking who gives a crap. I don’t care about her and the guy is just someone that I’m just cool with. I never had sex with him and I don’t want to.

So, this is the part that’s messed up. When she kept texting me I kept telling her I’m going to whoop her “you know what,” but really I just wanted her to leave me alone. When I got off from work, picked my daughter up from school/daycare and got home, an hour later the police are at my house saying that the girl showed them my threatening messages and she wants to file charges. I’m like, ‘What???” She texted me. I didn’t even have her number. Why am I in trouble? I don’t know her, and I don’t care about her or the guy she’s obsessing about.

But, the officer was white also and claimed that he had to give me a ticket because he seen where I threatened her and that she didn’t do or say anything to break the law, but I did.

So, now I have to take a day off from my new job and go to court for assault by threat. I work with children and plan on being more than a teacher, eventually. I can’t have assault on my record. This is nonsense, I feel like it’s not fair and that this is equivalent to me picking up a stranger, getting their phone number, making them mad to the point that they curse me out and then calling the police because I feel threatened.

I feel that the devil is using her because, why me? Why try and mess up my career over nothing. All I did was respond to a text message. Lesson learned, don’t respond to foolishness, especially through text or anything that can be kept and used against me. I know you’re not a lawyer, but how can I get pass this without it being on my record or jeopardizing my job. A part of me feels like if this gets on my record, I really am going to whoop her “you know what.” If she doesn’t go to court then charges will be dropped. So, I thought about being nice to the trick only so she can drop charges. – Not Fair

Dear Ms. Not Fair,

Well, it is a lesson learned. Why would you, a grown 27 year old woman go back and forth with another woman you don’t know, and over some man you’re not sleeping with? So what she is texting you. That’s when you should have been smarter and gone to the police and did what she did. You should have shown the police the texts where she is harassing you and you should have explained that you don’t know how she got your number. Well, we can figure it out, she got it from your Hispanic male neighbor whom you think you’re cool with. You should have filed charges against her for antagonizing you, and harassing you.

But, since you threatened to “whoop her you know what” she had the ammunition to go to the police and tell them that she felt threatened. And, here you are still threatening to “Whoop her you know what” if you go to court and it’s placed on your record. So, you haven’t learned anything. Stop stooping to her level, and stop letting her get to you. She is silly, immature, and gutter. Why are you going there with her?

Take your evidence to court with you where she texted you first. Then, have your male neighbor write a letter stating that he was visiting you at your home and your female neighbor arrived and began accusing the two of you of sleeping together. Have him write in detail what happened, and how she came to your home. Then, get the letter notarized, and take it to court with you.

The unfortunate part is the court is going to look at your texts where you threatened to do harm to her. She did not mention or state she would do anything to you. Hopefully, the judge will take into account all the information, and listen to both sides, and the judge will be fair and see how it’s all a misunderstanding. Regardless, you can’t threaten folks on text, in person, or however. You have to be the bigger person. And, the first time when she showed up at your house unannounced, then you should have called the police.

Also, stop fraternizing with your male neighbor. He is messy. He is sleeping with everyone in the neighborhood. And, yes, people will see him coming and going out of your house and they will assume you and he are sleeping together. Though you may not be, however, folks in the neighborhood know his track record, and they talk. Besides, folks know his history and how sloppy he is. If he slept with your other neighbor, and he’s trying to sleep with you, well, sweetie, please don’t be naïve to think he hasn’t done this with other women in the neighborhood. And, just know she is going around talking to your other neighbors and telling them what she thinks and feels is going on between you and he. So, keep them all out of your house. Speak from a distance, a very far distance.

One more thing, he is not your friend. He is not cool to be around. He is only being cool with you because he wants to sleep with you. Keep him out of your house. You are a single woman, living with her young daughter. Things can get out of hand or out of control and he will come to your house expecting something. Keep him out of your house. Do not ever think you can be safe with him alone. Keep your guard up at all times.

So, take as much evidence as you can to court with you. Be prepared with everything. And, no I don’t recommend you being nice to her, or playing into her. Why speak? Why continue to build a relationship with someone who doesn’t like you, doesn’t care for you, and accuses you of sleeping with some man you’re not? The truth will come to light and she will look like the a** and will come back trying to befriend you. Don’t be bothered. Do you, and just go to work, and raise your daughter. Don’t give in to some woman’s tirade over a man you’re not interested in, and don’t let anyone get under your skin where you start threatening them. If you can’t handle her and her accusations, then how will you manage children in school who get out of hand, or a situation at work where you feel you may lose your temper? Will you threaten them? You better get your temper and anger under control, or some will think it is indicative of your behavior. – Terrance Dean

Photo source: Shuttershock

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

      

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