Dear Bossip: My Husband Forces Himself On Me & Makes Me Feel Less Than

Dear Bossip,

I read the stories about these exotic crazy fantasies, and I need S.O.S HELP!

I have been married for 25 years. My husband never has taken me into consideration when it comes to intimacy. He told me that if I give him 5% or 0% in bed that’s what he is going to give me in return. He is never up to do foreplay. He said that I have to get horny myself (sorry for the word).

He have tried in the past to perform anal sex and he uses his saliva as lubricant. Then, in the process, I can’t complain or talk because that will make me less than a woman than others. Sometimes, when having regular intercourse he forces the penetration and if I complain he said, “If you don’t give it to me I will get it somewhere else.” And, that is when he is penetrating me.

The last thing was he pulled my hair so bad, like with HATE, not passion that my scalp was swollen and he told me that it was because I was so uncoordinated and he ejaculated on the sheets. He told me I was weak, not woman enough, and that I have to get with the program. Every time being with him is a scary moment when it comes to sleeping with him.

Can someone PLEASE give any advice on what or how to accomplish this without getting hurt because it hurts like a hell. – The Weak Wife and The BEAST

Dear Ms. The Weak Wife and THE BEAST,

Ma’am, your husband is not having sex with you. That is rape! If  he is forcing himself on to you, and taking you and forcing himself inside you and making you do various positions without consideration to your body, then that is rape! If he is telling you that you are a weak woman, and you’re not woman enough, then he truly has problems, and he is demeaning you, and treating you like you’re nothing but a body to do his ‘do.’ That is rape!

He treats you like you’re some prostitute on the street, or some whore instead of his wife. That is not cool. You are his partner, his wife, his mate, his lover, and his friend. Why he is treating you like this, and why are you allowing this to happen?

I don’t understand it all. You are allowing him to control your body, which leads me to believe that he is a controlling person outside of the bedroom as well. And, he has probably hit you before. He’s mentally abusive, verbally abusive, and definitely physically abusive in bed. He is pulling your hair and forcing himself inside you while perform anal, and using saliva as lubricant. Sweetie, has got to be extremely painful. He is ripping and tearing up your insides. Chile, if I were you I would fix that problem the next time he goes to sleep. Boil you some grits, or some hot water, and get you one baseball bat. You know what to do while he’s sleep!

Look, you don’t deserve this behavior or treatment. You are not his property. You are not some random common chick who is into this abusive S&M behavior. You speak up for yourself, demand he treats you with respect, or you leave and get out of this marriage. And, after 25 years, I know you have some emotional and physical ties to him. But, you are going to have to find a backbone, and get you some strength and courage, and leave this man. He is going to do more damage and harm to your body if you allow him to continue this treatment of you like this.

If you’re afraid to leave because you don’t have anywhere to go, then, please know there are plenty of women’s shelters you can go and find support and resources. Look them up. I am sure there are a few in your area. If you have family and friends where you can go and stay, please reach out to them and tell them what is going on. You have to start talking about this with someone close to you, and stop keeping it bottled up. Your husband is abusing you, your body and your mind.

Please find some sources of support and get out of this situation. Your husband doesn’t respect you or your body. He doesn’t love you nor does he like you. He has some serious issues, and he is taking them out on you. You are going to have to take the power back over your body and life. Stop being so submissive to him, and stop listening and believing his demeaning and degrading bull-ish. There is nothing wrong with you. You are more woman than he will ever have. If he feels he can’t what he wants from you, then let him go and get it from some other woman. Leave him and start rebuilding your life. He has damaged you and has made you believe that you are nothing. Stop this abuse and get help! Call the women’s shelter or domestic abuse hotline immediately. Save yourself. – Terrance Dean

Photo source: Shuttershock

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