I am 32 years old and have 3 children. My oldest lives with me, and my sons love w their dad.
We have an amicable relationship. It just didn’t work out between us.
In May, I met a man who I felt an instant connection with. We were intoxicated and ended up spending the night at my restaurant. We didn’t have sex that night. He’s married. His wife was 4 months pregnant at the time, and they have a 2 year old.
September comes and he makes a fake profile on Facebook and contacts me. He says he can’t stop thinking about me and that he feels he’s known me our entire lives. He’s so comfortable and calm in my presence. Needles to say, he’s a sweet talker. We carried on an affair for a month before his wife found out.
She had the baby and I was jealous of the time they were spending together. I felt selfish and needy. He tried to see me the day after the birth of his child and I refused. I told him congrats and to cherish this time. He was upset that I wouldn’t see him. I didn’t know what else to do. Several times I’ve tried to be strong and end things because I know I’m in over my head.
He was taking days off from work, going in late, and would come crawl into bed with me. There was a huge blow up w his wife, which ended with him in jail for domestic assault. For a month he was all mine. I didn’t have to share him with her. It was great. He made me feel so loved and adored. Then, he lost his job, and moved 2 hours away to where his family is from. We remained in contact for only a week and I started getting anxious and felt like he was up to something.
He cried for the kids because up to this point he hadn’t seen them in a month. I told him to go back and to be with them. I couldn’t bear to hear the pain in his voice. The next day he changed his number.
I texted his wife a couple of weeks ago and asked if they were back together. She had contacted me while they were separated. It’s strange. I always had an upfront correspondence with her. It was mostly her warning me about the type of man he is. That he’s controlling, abusive, a narcissist, and a womanizer. Anyway, she denied they were together. But, then he contacted me last week. He asked me not to screen shot our conversation. He wouldn’t answer any of my questions. He claimed his heart was broken into pieces. When I asked where he was, he said, “It’s F’d up.” It was strange.
He contacted me again last night and asked to call me. Initially, I refused. I miss him though… I can’t keep going through this. I feel like he and his wife has such a volatile relationship, and he contacts me when there’s trouble. Last night though, he said, he can see the whole picture of his life at that moment. He had an “Epiphany. Beginning.”
I did agree to talk to him on the phone. But, he didn’t call. Why would someone ask to call you and then not call you? He even asked if I wanted his number, which I told him, “No.”
He’s so cryptic I can’t understand. It’s driving me insane. I just want to get over him because I see where this is going. I just can’t seem to be strong enough to stay away. I’m addicted to him. Please help! – Caught Up
Dear Ms. Caught Up,
You knowingly started an affair with a married man who was expecting a child? WOW! That is really trifling and sad.
So, now you want to know what to do about this man who has disappeared, sends you cryptic messages, and you say that you’re addicted to him and can’t seem to let him go. Do you notice what I just wrote? Did you even read your own letter before you sent it in?
The very thing he was doing to his wife he is now doing to you. SMDH! He stepped out on his wife, began lying to her, cheating on her, and giving her cryptic messages in order to be with you. Now, notice that he set up a fake Facebook page to communicate with you. If he is that deceptive, then I’m sure he has other fake profiles he is maintaining to communicate with other women he is sleeping with. Oh, you thought you were the only one? You feel you’re the special one who has his heart? Girl, you’re foolish.
This a**hole had the audacity to call you the day after his child’s birth to spend time with you, and you are talking about you’re addicted to him? He was willing to abandon his family and you find that attractive? But, hold up, he’s coming to your bed, leaving his family, and you’re allowing him to do this? SMDH! Then, his wife learns of his affair with you, she has the baby, he ends up in jail for domestic assault, and you are wondering if you have a future with him? Then, he moves away, leaves and abandons his family, you and he talk, but the next day he changes his number, and you text his wife to see if they are back together? I can’t!
You had the gall and nerve to text his wife to see if they are back together because you hadn’t heard from him and felt he was up to something, especially since he changed his number. Why the hell are you texting his wife? You’re not girlfriends! You’re the side chick. You’re the trifling woman whom she feels is trying to take her man from her. Why are you hitting her up like you and her are the best of friends, and you and he are about to walk down the aisle and get married? You are truly wrong for that! Regardless if you and she had communicated previously and she shared with you about his womanizing, narcissism, controlling ways, and abuse toward her. You don’t have any right contacting her to locate your so-called man. UGH! You trifling side chicks are getting bold these days.
Now, he’s reaching out to you via cryptic messages. He’s telling you to maintain his secrecy and his deception by not making a screen shot of his call. He’s sending you mixed messages. Yet, this is the same man who was lying and cheating on his wife, and you’re your trying to claim him like he’s your man. He’s disappeared on both you and his wife, and talking about you’re addicted to him, but, he’s obviously not addicted to you. You side chicks stay losing and don’t even know you’re losing.
I really need for you to stop taking his calls. Stop entertaining him, and stop obsessing over someone who is married, has a family, and is not your man. Please have some dignity, some grace, and some respectability about yourself. He will never be your man. He will never leave his wife for you. He will never make you his woman. He will continue to play you and his wife against one another, and you two damn fools will continue calling and texting each other when he disappears attempting to figure out if he is with you or her. While all along he is with another woman. LMBAO!
You don’t know need to be contacting his wife. There is nothing that you and she should be discussing, talking about, or swapping stories over. She is not your friend. She is his wife. You’re the side chick. Move on with your life. Block him out of your life, and stop knowingly sleeping with married men. What do you expect or think will happen? These men will not leave their wives for you. They will treat you like the side chick that you are, and lead you to believe that you are special. This particular fool treats you like the side chick to the side chick with his disappearances, cryptic messages, and contacting you via fake profiles. Ain’t nobody got time for all that. Grow up and stop playing these games. – Terrance Dean
Photo source: Shuttershock
Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: firstname.lastname@example.org Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!
Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!