Dear Bossip: My Baby’s Father Lives With His Momma & Gets Mad When I Show Up

- By Bossip Staff

Dear Bossip,

My baby father said I shouldn’t pop up at his house where he lives with his mother when I want him to see his 10 month old baby.

He said I should call first like his other baby mothers do. He said he doesn’t want confusion. His other baby mamas are cool with me and this is when their kids can play with their little baby sister. I don’t have any feelings for him. I just want him to spend time with his baby girl.

He doesn’t make an effort to call or see her. He didn’t get her anything for Christmas, not even a rattle! So, I popped up for New Years because he said he would have something for her then. After I left, his family said he was mad because I didn’t call before I came. This is his child. Why do I have to make an appointment for her to see him? Please explain this to me because this doesn’t make sense to me. – I Can Show Up Whenever

Dear Ms. I Can Show Up Whenever,

Honey, why do you feel you can just show up to the home where your baby father lives with his mother? He lives with his mother! That statement alone deserves pause. Your child’s father lives with his mother and you do not find that problematic? UGH! He’s a grown ass man living with his mother. Why even think about sleeping with him, getting into a relationship with him, or even being bothered with him? He can’t even maintain his own home so how the hell do you think he can maintain a relationship?

These grown ass men living with their mothers and having children with different women, but claiming they are the man. Uhm, no! You are a boy. Your momma is an enabler, and the women you sleep with are enablers. These women do not and will not hold these men accountable or responsible, thus, like their mothers, these women baby these men, trying to care for them, and let them drink from their nipples. Stop nurturing these grown men boys! They ain’t –ish and will never be –ish!

Miss Thang! I….Do…Not….Understand why you would procreate with a man and he has other children with different women. What would possess you to sleep with him, or even entertain a conversation with him and the first thing out of his mouth is that he has kids, he’s not with any of their mothers, and it’s more than one woman he has children with. That should have be reason enough to leave him alone and to not lay up with him. I can’t believe some of you women who will proceed into a relationship with a man and he’s making babies but is not taking care of any of them, and he’s not with any of his children’s mothers. What do you possibly think he will do to you and for you?

Girl, please explain to me why you would you lay down with a man who lives at home with his momma?

You’re baby momma, lawd knows which number you are, but you’re just another one of his baby momma’s coming to his momma’s house like you got rights. LOL! You’re the last woman he’s been with that has his child, so you figure you have some entitlement, or some privilege to just show up like his other baby mothers? Sweetie, that is not his house. That is his momma’s house. Maybe she doesn’t want you showing up to her house unannounced. Have you thought about that?

Look, why don’t you go to court and let the judge work out your visitations with your child’s father. And, since you’re complaining about him not buying your child anything, how about you put him on child support? I bet his other baby momma’s got him on child support and visitation rights. I bet his other baby momma’s went to court to get full custody of their children. So, why are you the odd ball out?

But, wait a minute. Did you say that his other baby momma’s are cool with you and this is the time when their kids can play with their little sister? Girl, goodbye! You up here trying to build relationships with his other baby mommas. I understand that the children need to know one another, but why are you trying to be friends with his baby mommas. Honey, go to court and arrange visitation for your child. It’s obvious he’s a deadbeat dad, and doesn’t want to be involved with his child. You can’t force him to buy things for his own child, which is just dumb, and nor can you make him be an active part of the child’s life. I hope you don’t think that by showing up at his momma’s house that will make him want to be a part of his child’s life.

Please see this for what it is and stop trying to make it something it will never be. He doesn’t love you, or want to be bothered with you. You may not want to be with him, and you may not want anything to do with him, but showing up at his momma’s house makes you look crazy. You and he need better communication skills, and also work together on being better parents for your child. You have to work together. If he doesn’t, then you can’t make him. The courts will work all this out. Stop attempting to do this on your own. It will get worse. – Terrance Dean

Photo courtesy: Shutterstock

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

    

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