Dear Bossip: We’re Newlyweds, But He Doesn’t Do What He Did To Get Me

- By Bossip Staff

Dear Bossip,

My husband and I have been married for seven months. I love him very much and I know he loves me.

When we were dating he often brought me flowers, wine, or little surprises that would just make my life seem like a fairytale (I love surprises). We were always ecstatic to be with each other every chance we had.

However, since we’ve been married things seem different. It’s almost like he doesn’t care to be cute or romantic anymore. He hasn’t given me roses or anything for that matter since our marriage. It feels like he thinks he got me now, so that’s that. It really makes me feel bad. I realize I’m beginning to resent him for it, and I don’t know how to deal with it?! – Neglected Newlywed

Dear Ms. Neglected Newlywed,

Oh, girl, get over yourself! Gessh!

Your entire letter is all about what he did for you. How he wined, dined, and bought you flowers. He surprised you with little things. Life was like a fairytale. Well, sweetie, welcome to married life. Every day is not going to be a fairytale, and every day is not going to be filled with surprises.

Realize that your husband married you because he feels you are the woman for him. He captured your heart, mind, and body, and at least you can do is return the love to him. Show him some love. Be appreciative for all that you have, and be the woman he chose to marry.

By the way, not once in your letter did you state what you did for your husband prior to marriage. What were you doing for him and what was it about you that captured his heart, mind, and body? Your letter is all about what he did, and what you expected, or expects him to continue to do. But, what are you doing to keep him? Come on, Ms. Honey, you can’t point the finger and blame him when you are contributing to this as well.

You are in a partnership, a union, a joint entity with one another. Therefore, you have to give him a reason, and make him excited to continue doing what he did to get you. Perhaps you stopped doing anything to keep him. Perhaps he feels that since he got you, then you stopped doing all the things to get him excited and wanting to buy you roses, and little surprises. Just like you feel that since he got you then that’s that, well, maybe he feels the same way.

You have to communicate and talk with one another. You’re assuming he’s not doing those things, or neglecting you because you’ve made up some story in your head. GET OUT OF YOUR DAMN HEAD! Talk to your husband. It’s only been 7 months. Good, lawd! You have to reinvent your marriage every day, every month, every year. It takes work and effort. It’s not going to be a fairytale every day. There are going to be some pitfalls, some down time, and some days when you’re over it. Hell, there will be times when he’s more in love with you, and you’re not feeling it. And, vice versa. There will be times when you can’t stand each other, you don’t want to be around one another, and you just want to knock each other over the head. And, then there will be times when you’re happy, in love, feeling like it’s the first time you met, and making love every day.

Marriage takes work, and you got to work at it. I’m curious to know did you and your husband seek marriage counseling before you got married? Did you discuss your expectations, and what you were hoping for? Did you share your ideas and thoughts on this fantasy fairytale that you figured would continue? It’s obvious you and he are not talking or communicating. Therefore, talk with your husband. Share with him that you miss the flowers, the wining, the dining, and the little surprises. Maybe he’s preoccupied with work, or other things in his life. You should check in on him and see if he’s okay, and what’s going on his world.

You’re newlyweds, so figure out new ways to spice up the marriage, and get it back on track. Cook together. Watch television together. Plan a night out on the town. Dress up and play naughty girl. Walk around naked with nothing but an apron when cooking. Buy some new lingerie, and get him some sexy underwear. When he comes home from work be waiting at the door and teabag him as he comes in. Buy him his favorite item he’s been talking about. Visit an adult sex store together, and explore new toys, gels, and other items they have. Go on a romantic weekend together. You’re newlyweds, so enjoy each other and stop pouting and complaining about what he used to do and work on how he can continue doing it. – Terrance Dean

Photo courtesy: Shutterstock

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!


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