I ran into a long lost love of mine from 30 years ago. We talked, did some sexting, made videos, etc., for over a year.
Mind you we are both married, but not to each other, and neither one of us has the plan on leaving our spouses. By the way, we only slept together one time. But, now we have kinda drifted apart from each other slowly after that. Well, let’s just say he did!
We used to talk everyday from 7am until all wee hours of the night. Now, it has come to a screeching halt! No explanation or anything. Can you possibly tell me something about this? I’m just wondering what he is thinking. I don’t know if he was getting too close, or if he just doesn’t want anything from me anymore. I’m so confused! One day he tells me he misses me like crazy, then, the next day he acts like nothing ever happened. – Confused In Texas
Dear Ms. Confused In Texas,
Well, how about, perhaps, he realized that he’s a married man and he shouldn’t have been sexting with you, making videos, talking with you, and he shouldn’t have slept with you. MAYBE, his wife learned of the affair and instead of confronting you he just disappeared and stopped communicating with you. MAYBE, he got what he wanted from you and just isn’t interested in continuing or pursuing anything serious because he may feel you will become clingy. MAYBE he recognized the error of his ways and came to his senses that after 30 years he should have left the past in the past. (Just like you should have done!)
Who knows why he did what he did. He is the one who has the answers. But, rather than pursuing him to find out I recommend you move on just as well and delete him out of your life! It’s been 30 years, and it should have remained in the past. Therefore, move on and let it be a distant memory and you worry about why you did what you did.
And, with that, I want to know why are you doing this, and why did you do this to your husband? You’re married, and as you stated you have no plans on leaving your spouse, so what was or is the point of having an affair? Obviously this is nothing new to you because you so casually slept with someone you knew from 30 years ago, and you had a pattern of talking, sexting, and making videos with him. Thus, it leads me to believe that you’ve done this before.
You’re trifling. You’re dirty and deceptive. You are writing in seeking advice on why some man you had something with 30 years ago has stopped communicating with you. You really want some advice on why the man you cheated on your husband with doesn’t want anything more to do with you, and you really want to know what happened. SMDH!
So, why are you married? Are you not happy? Is something going on in your marriage that you may need to be speaking with your husband about, and not pursuing outside relationships? How about marriage counseling, or talking with your pastor about what’s going on in your marriage? You are obsessing over a man you haven’t seen in 30 years, and you’re wondering why he’s stopped communicating with you. You are bothered that he may not want anything from you anymore. And, you actually think he felt he was getting too close. Ms. Honey, YOU ARE A MARRIED WOMAN! I wonder if it was you who was doing majority of the texting, sexting, calling, and sending videos to this man. I wonder if it was you who became obsessed with him and it is the reason why he pulled back from you.
But, let me inquire with you about this – What did you expect or think would happen between you two? If neither of you planned on leaving your spouses did you think this affair would continue? What were you hoping it would turn into? Were you actually hoping to pursue a side relationship and continue sleeping with this man? You were willing to risk your marriage for this, for this man? I bet that you really hadn’t thought this through and the repercussions this would have on you and your marriage, nor his wife and their marriage. You’re selfish and tired.
Sweetie, who cares and who knows why he stopped his communications with you. You should be focused on your marriage and working on your relationship with your husband. You should let the 30 year old long lost love go and get some help. You should be figuring out how to reconcile your infidelity and stepping out on your husband. You should be wondering how to reinvest in your marriage and in your husband. – Terrance Dean
Photo courtesy: Shuttershock
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Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!