I have known this guy I am talking for over ten years. We were friends in high school.
We recently started hanging and getting to know each other on a personal level about 6-8 months ago. We enjoy spending time together and each other’s company. We are almost always together.
When we first started talking, he told me that he had not too long ago broken up with his baby momma. He said they were staying together and that she and the baby moved out saying that she wanted to be more independent. About a month or two after she moved out that is when he and I began talking and hanging out a lot.
Currently we are still talking and hanging out, and having fun with each, but I have noticed little things about his behavior. For instance, whenever the baby momma calls he goes into another room. Or, if the baby momma needs something for her or the baby he jumps to it. I don’t mind him jumping to it if it concerns his child, but the baby momma acts like he supposed to tend to her every last needs.
I also noticed one day when he was texting her that she said she loved him and he told her he loves her back and that they will get together for a movie date soon. His baby momma, mind you, moved out of his place to become more independent several months ago. She still has no job and is house hopping between family members. She is also younger than him. I am a tad bit older than him.
I recently asked him if he was still in a relationship with her because of his interactions and communications with her, since he continues to tell me that he likes me a lot and enjoys our time together, but he is not ready to commit. I asked him about his relationship status with her because my feelings are starting to get involved and I really don’t feel like getting hurt.
When I asked him about his status he said he kind of is still in a relationship with her only because he feels she won’t let him see his child if he tells her he is interested in someone else. He said he acts like he is in a relationship with her, but everyone knows about he and I. I said how can you commit to me if you are already in a relationship? He said it’s not what I think it is and that he doesn’t want to be with her and that it is all a front. I told him it’s not fair to her or me, and for him to mislead her and me. He is playing with both of our emotions.
We have told each other that we do have love for each other and care for one another very much. He also is always complaining to me about his baby momma and how she just needs to get her life on track. I just don’t want to be strung along and waste time with someone who is too scared of what his baby momma may say if he told her that he doesn’t want to be with her. He should just tell her that he wants to provide for his child and be a father to her, and that they should just be co-parents.
I feel that he really likes me and shows me how much he does. We are always together and always talking on phone or texting. So, I don’t understand how his baby momma can even feel like she is in a real relationship with him. When she calls and he is with me he tells her that he is at his boy’s house or with the family. When he does this I feel some type of way and I am disgusted because I am with him.
I really like him and love him, but just I don’t want to be held back from being completely happy. I told him I want a family one day and to be in a committed relationship before I hit 30, and that is only a few years from now. He pays child support, gets his baby whenever he is free from work, and he gets her whatever she needs since her mother can’t provide much for her.
I have also seen the baby a couple times. I honestly just feel like he needs to man up and tell the baby mother he is not feeling her like that anymore and he wants to live his life on his own and he just wants to see his baby. I also believe that he could be lying to me and may just want to have his cake and eat it too. Can you please tell me how my situation sounds? – Ms. Lost and All Over The Place
Dear Ms. Lost and All Over The Place,
You got played, and are currently being played! The hell is wrong with you?!?!
He is not a prize. He is not a man. He is a boy. He is a gutter ball.
His baby momma is trolling the streets house hopping with his child, and instead of taking care of his child and making sure she has a place to live, he lets her bounce from house to house. SMDH!
Then, he is keeping ongoing communication with his baby momma, and they are telling one another how much they love each other, and they will spend time together and hang out. Then, when she calls and he’s with you he tells her that he is at his boy’s house or at his family’s home. And, he does this because he told you that he makes her feel they are “kind of” still in a relationship so she won’t think he is seeing someone else. And, if she knew he was seeing someone else then she would prevent him from seeing his child.
Wait….I need to pause here…..
Where do you women meet these men? Seriously. Is there a donkey farm and these men get to visit this farm and pick out the donkey of the week or donkey of the day?
The bull-ish he is feeding…..I mean who falls for that –ish anymore? It’s old. It’s tired. It’s not even a real excuse. Hell, he isn’t even trying to run game. He’s just saying –ish just to be saying it and you don’t even question it, or him.
He’s told you that he doesn’t want a relationship. He doesn’t want to commit to you, which means you and he are not a couple. You are someone he is screwing. You are a side chick. You’re something to do until he makes up and gets back with his baby momma, or he meets another woman and they become serious. However, and let it be clear, you are not his woman.
He’s told you that he is ‘kind of’ in a relationship with his baby momma. Please explain to me what ‘kind of’ in a relationship is? Please tell me what that means. How the hell can you ‘kind of’ be in a relationship? Either you are, or you’re not.
And, why would you commit yourself to someone who won’t commit to you? Why would you even continue seeing a man and he tells you that he is ‘kind of’ dating his baby momma? Girl, d**k is a dime a dozen. Finding a man is like shopping for shoes. They are everywhere. Why are you settling for this damn fool and his whack lame ass? He doesn’t take you serious. He’s still entertaining his baby momma. He’s blatantly told you that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, and he’s still seeing his baby momma. He doesn’t even claim you when you’re together, and his baby momma calls and he lies to her about his whereabouts. So, how in the hell can everyone know about you and he if he lies to her? You have got to be the slowest bird walking.
Ma’am, end this charade and game with him. He is not worth it. You deserve better. Don’t put yourself on hold waiting on him, or for him to commit to you. He won’t. He’s in another relationship with another woman, and it’s not you. You are a side chick. You are something to do while he and his baby momma are on this temporary break, yet they are still seeing each other. No one knows about you and he. Well, his homeboy knows, but no one else. He is telling you what you want to hear because you are naïve and slow enough to believe anything that comes out of his mouth. Just end it. Just stop texting, calling, answering his calls, and letting him in your home. Just stop. Walk away, and reflect on this letter, and everything you said in it. You already knew the answers to your questions, and you already knew he was still seeing her. You wanted to believe something else. You wanted to hope for something with him. Well, it’s a lie. It’s a façade. It’s a pipe dream. Get out of this pointless and dead end situation. It’s not going to go anywhere, and you won’t end up with the man in the end. – Terrance Dean
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Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!