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Dear Bossip,

I’m so confused and don’t know if I should give my ex another chance or not.

We were friends for two years. We then dated for two years before I became pregnant. When I went to the doctor to get my results from my blood work and Pap smear I found out I had an STD. Mind you I was 2 and a half months pregnant at the time.

I cried my eyes out because I couldn’t believe he cheated on me. He claimed I was the best thing that ever happened to him and no woman has ever treated him as good as me. If that’s the case why would he cheat? He said he slipped up once with his ex and didn’t think to use a condom. SMH!

I ended up dumping him the same day because I was so hurt. Thank God the STD was curable, but I was still in shock that I even contracted one. I’ve always been faithful to him and in all of my relationships. It’s been four months since this happened and he’s constantly trying to get back with me claiming he’ll never cheat or hurt me again and he wants to be a family. I’m contemplating possibly giving him another chance, but I don’t trust him and I don’t really know what to do. Please give me some advice. – Ms. Confused About The Situation

Dear Ms. Confused About The Situation,

So, I’m sorry ma’am, but, err, uhm, if you contracted an STD from your boyfriend who cheated on you with an ex, and he didn’t think to use a condom. Why are you even thinking of considering giving him another chance?

And, you only learned of this STD while you were 2 and a half months pregnant and during your visit to your doctor. Uhm, uhm, uhm, I know that you’re not sure when you contracted the STD, as you could have been having sex up until you were 2 and a half months pregnant. So, you’re not sure of the timeline of events, and when he cheated. And, though he says it was one time, I’m not so sure I would believe that lie. Again, why would you consider getting back with him?

He cheated. He contracted an STD, and he brought that STD home to you. He didn’t think to use a condom. Therefore, he has no regard for his own health and safety, and this means he has no regard for your health and safety.

But, here’s the other thing to consider. If he gave you the STD, then, this means he knew he had it. Which also means that he had to have been treated for it. And, instead of telling you that you should go to the doctor to get checked, I’m sure he hoped and prayed that he didn’t transmit it to you. So, he hid it, and was not honest with you until you went to the doctor and they told you that you had an STD. Now, that is cold and low down and dirty. He ain’t –ish! Now, please tell me again why are you considering giving him another chance?

Obviously you are not that much of a great woman whom he respects, and, you’re the best thing to happen to him. Like you stated, if you were all that to him then why did he cheat? Why did he have raw sex with someone? Why didn’t he think to use a condom? And, why didn’t he tell you he had an STD and that you should go get checked? He’s reckless. And, no, you shouldn’t trust him. He went and got treated, and he didn’t say anything to you. He was hoping that he didn’t infect you. So, he waited and waited until he heard from you.

Girl, there is nothing to consider. There is no reason to give him another chance. He blew it. He F’d up and he realizes it now. He wants a second chance, but if he hadn’t stepped out in the first place then there would be no need for a second chance. And, please know this – if you hadn’t contracted the STD because he went and got treated for the STD, then, trust and believe, he would still be sleeping with his ex. The only reason he got caught is because he brought the STD home to you. Had you not contracted the STD he would still be sleeping with his ex. Don’t get it twisted, Ms. Honey.

So, no! Keep it moving. When the child is born you still have to co-parent with him. Be civil, and be cordial to one another in order to raise your child in a loving and nurturing environment. Get over him emotionally and mentally so that you and he won’t be fighting and acting ignorant over his infidelity. You know what he did, and he knows what he did. There is no reason to keep rehashing it every time you and he disagree. Let the past be the past, and raise your child as co-parents.

Also, go to court, and make sure you have the arrangements done through the court. Do not attempt to work it out on your own. It will backfire. Get full custody of your child. Put him on child support. And, arrange for visitation for the father. Again, you can remain cordial to one another for the sake of your child. You can co-parent and be civil adults. But, a relationship is out of the question. You said you don’t trust him. Why be with someone you don’t trust? Why give him another chance when he brought home an STD and didn’t tell you? No, no, and hell to the no! Save yourself the headache and drama. You deserve better. You deserve greater. Going back will only be stress and a bunch of arguments because you’ll always be wondering what he’s doing, where he’s going, and who he’s with. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria   Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!



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