Dear Bossip: I’m In Love With A Married Man & Another Man & My Boyfriend

- By Bossip Staff

Dear Bossip,

I am in a relationship with my boyfriend of four years. We have a one year old child together and we live together.

Before I met him, I hadn’t been in a relationship for two years. I was just embracing the single life, and getting myself together. Prior to being in a relationship with him I had two male friends. We were close and we talked and text all the time.

Friend number 1 is married and he has three kids with his wife. Friend number 2 lives with his girlfriend and he has two kids as well. Me and friend number 1 have known each other for 7 years. We never had a sexual relationship. We were just really cool. We talked and chilled sometimes.

With friend number 2 we have had a sexual relationship, but we never were together in a relationship. We have known each other for around 6 years. Both men have been there through thick and thin. They have listened to all my problems. Recently, friend number 1 told me he loved me and wanted me to be his girlfriend. Never saying he would leave his wife, but wants me to be his side piece. Saying he would be there for me whenever I needed him. I fell for it, and for a while, I was going along with it.

We have never had sex, but we have made out, and have been a little too close for comfort. I did not have sex with him because I didn’t feel comfortable sleeping with two guys. I was still with my boyfriend. During this time, my boyfriend started acting up, so I looked at friend number 1 as a getaway. We would talk on the phone late, and texted late. He has come out of his house late to meet me when I wanted to see him. He was there.

I guess he got tired of waiting on me to sleep with him, so recently he broke up with me. I was hurt. I cried a little bit, but I guess I’m over it. I was very close to sleeping with him because I found out my boyfriend cheated on me. But, I didn’t. At the same time, I am still communicating with friend number 2. We text, talk, and he tells me he loves me and I love him too. But, he won’t leave his girlfriend because he wants to be there for his kids. That’s understandable. I guess I feel the same way. I want my family together.

I feel a little bad, but then again I don’t because my boyfriend has put me through a lot of things. He cheated on me, so I guess I am getting even. And, these dudes have been around longer than my boyfriend, and they have been through it all. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I am in love with all three of these men.

Although friend number 1 has broken up with me, I’m sure he will be back. We have been through this before. And, when he does come back I will let him back in. This time, I’m sure we will go the next step and sleep together. Is it possible to be in love with three people? I am truly in love with all three of them for different reasons. And, do I tell my current boyfriend of my deception, or do I take it to my grave. I really do need help because I am lost and confused. – In Love With Three Men

Dear Ms. In Love With Three Men,

You are all types of wrong. And, in all honesty, you are a nothing more than a trick.

Why are you even in a relationship? What’s the point? You don’t love your boyfriend, and it’s obvious you don’t want to be with him, so just end it. Be honest with him and be upfront. He is not giving you or providing you with the attention you need. And, in all honesty, you are damaged, and he can never replace friend number 1 or friend number 2. You’re co-dependent on these men. SMDH!

Hell, why don’t you leave all of them alone and focus on you and your low self-esteem. How about you work on your self-respect, and have some dignity. How about you stop tricking yourself out to these men, and find out what it really is that you need. And, leave men who are in relationships alone! How about you find a hobby other than juggling men, and sleeping around. Grow up, and stop these childish games of rotating men. It’s not cute or attractive.

And, sweetie, you claim you were not in a relationship prior to meeting your current boyfriend, but you were in a relationship with friend number 1 and friend number 2. Regardless if they were not committed relationships, you were involved with them emotionally and mentally. And, friend number 2 you had a sexual relationship. Therefore, you were in some type of relationship.

What’s sad is that both of these men are involved with other women, and you allowed yourself to be in their lives as the other woman. When you met your boyfriend you never told him about friend number 1 or friend number 2. You didn’t let him know that you had been seeing two other guys, and you didn’t explain the situation. So, for four years you have been deceptive and manipulative. You haven’t been honest with your boyfriend. You’ve kept these men around as your so-called friends, but in reality they are not. You were intimately involved with them. Therefore, how can you be mad at your boyfriend for cheating when you’ve been doing it all along?

Then, when friend number 1, the married man, asked you to be his girlfriend, or rather his side piece, you agreed. HUH? Sweetie, he’s a married man. How can you agree to be someone’s girlfriend and their married? And, you are currently in a relationship and live with your boyfriend. Girl, you are a dirty trick! You’re just trifling and low down.

What is even sadder is that after friend number 1 broke up with you, and you claim to be heartbroken, he went back to his wife. He treated you just like the side chick bird that you are, and you’re just waiting for him to contact you again so you can start back up where you left off. WOW! And, you claim to be sad. Why? How can you be heartbroken over someone who is married? You will never be his wife, or his woman. You will forever be a side chick. Then, you claim that if you and he get back together you will take it to the next level and sleep with him. WOW!?!?

So, you’re going to trick yourself out to a married man while you are currently in a relationship? What is the purpose of being in a relationship? Why are you with your boyfriend anyway? It’s obvious you don’t want to be with him. You don’t want to be in a committed relationship. You enjoy sleeping around, and having several men to play with. You are not interested in being in a relationship. You just want to sleep around.

These men are all providing you with something you need to fulfill within yourself. You are desperate for attention, and hungry for love. You are only using these men to fulfill something you are lacking. You obviously don’t love yourself or respect yourself. If you did, then you wouldn’t be messing around with another woman’s husband. And, you wouldn’t be sleeping with another woman’s man and he has a family at home. Also, you wouldn’t be lying and being dishonest with your boyfriend and pretending things are okay within your own relationship. Therefore, you are nothing more than a bird.

Nothing is going to change with you because you have had these men in and out of your life a number of years. You like the attention, and you like the fact that you can go back and forth between them and get what you need from each of them. You won’t ever be honest with your boyfriend, and you won’t leave him because you like drama, and he’s really a non-factor. You like that you have the option of having three men to choose from, and you don’t have to commit to either of them. What’s sad is that you are spreading yourself emotionally, mentally, and physically and eventually you will have a breakdown, and it will destroy you. Sleeping with three different men, as you plan to do, will only result in you becoming pregnant again, and you won’t know who the father may be. Also, the potential for contracting an STD. And, if one of the other women should find out and learn you are sleeping with her man, then she may come after you, and it will destroy the other men’s families, though they are just as sad for being complicit in this. This is a dangerous game, and I’d advise you to get out of it, and to stop what you are doing. You are only creating a situation that will potentially backfire, and it will blow up in your face. But, I doubt if you will heed the advice and stop. You don’t care about anyone else but yourself. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria   Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!


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