Dear Bossip: My Child's Mother Doesn't Get That I Don't Want Her Anymore

Dear Bossip,

I have decided to call it quits with my son’s mother. She is a childish person who likes to fight when she can’t have her own way.

She constantly brings up the past regarding my old relationships, or situations where we had a fight. Our last big fight was downtown Atlanta for a comedy show. While walking to the show she got loud with me in front of a crowd for showing her too much affection. Now, this is the same thing she often complained about me not doing in public.

Then, she got loud again at the bar because I ordered an expensive drink (she paid for this date). The last straw was her leaving me that evening to walk all the way back to the car without me for refusing to leave the event early. I was so angry I left her downtown! The three previous dates (concerts) I paid for and tried my best to make her happy. Nothing works!!! We still fight and sometimes it gets physical!

The part I am having trouble with is she will not stop trying to get back with me! Non-stop text messages or when I pick-up/drop-off our son she will take my phone or keys, grab on me, etc. She cries, pleads, etc. I don’t want her anymore, but I don’t know what to do for her to understand!

In regards to my son’s situation I’m not on child support. My son is 10 months old. Whatever she needs me to buy for him I always do and she currently is happy with that. Should I have some legal arrangements made? Joint custody or what because I don’t know what she might do next. God forbids I get a new Girlfriend. Please help Terrance! – No More Baby Momma

Dear Mr. No More Baby Momma,

You’re both silly, immature, and childish. Just clowns. That entire fiasco at the comedy club was ignorant and ratchet.

I’m not sure why you and she are continuing to see one another, go on dates, and spend time together. You say you don’t want her anymore and you state that she will not stop trying to get back with you, but if you’re not together, then why are you going on dates and spending time together in the first place? That doesn’t make any damn sense!

You’re sitting up her talking about you don’t know what to do for her to understand that you don’t want her anymore. Understand what? It sounds like you two are in a relationship. You’re attempting to show public displays of affection while going on a date. A date, dude? Why are you going on dates if you don’t want to be with her? You sound just as silly as she does when she yelled at you and embarrassed you in front of other people. You need to be embarrassed.

You complain that she’s texting non-stop, taking your phone and keys, and grabbing on you when you do drop-offs/pick-ups with your son. And, she is crying and pleading to get back together. Therefore, what mixed messages are you giving her? You can’t expect her to think you don’t want to be with her if you are taking her out and spending money on her. You’re pawning over her and trying to show some affection, yet, you don’t want to be with her. Does that make any damn sense to you? You can’t tell her that you don’t want to be with her, but your actions are saying something totally different. That is just pure basic common sense. Bruh! Hello!

Then, you and she go out, and it’s you pay for this, and she pays for that. What the hell!?!?! You are keeping track of who’s paying for what? You’re both keeping a tally of how much you spend per date? This is silly! Maybe you do deserve to be together. Neither of you sound mature enough to be co-parenting a child. Hell, why even bring a child into your drama!?!

If you don’t want to be with her, then stop the shenanigans, and stop acting as if you’re in a relationship. Plain and simple. If you say you don’t want to be with her, then your actions should also say the same thing. No more dates. No more spending money on her. No more showing affection toward her. No responding to her texts and calls unless it has to do with your son. No engaging or baiting her with a false sense of getting back together, or reuniting. If you don’t want to be with her, then END IT!

And, yes, you do need to go to court and get joint custody. Just know that you will be put on child support. So, the arrangement that you and she have will be thrown out the window. I recommend you hire an attorney/lawyer who specializes in family court. Trust and believe that she is not going to take it well that you are attempting to get joint custody, and that you don’t want to have anything to do with her. She will fight and tell everything in court about your personal life, and everything you’ve done to her in the past. She is going to put all your personal business on blast. It will get ugly. So, all this money you’re spending on dates and concerts, you better save up and hire a lawyer! Also, when you go to court tell your lawyer and the judge that you would like to have supervised visits. This will eliminate her grabbing on you, taking your phone, and keys when you’re doing the exchange for visits. Besides, it is really childish of her grabbing on you and doing all that. How old are you two anyway?

Until then, and in the meantime, you take someone with you on the pick-ups and drop-offs for your son. Have a third party present so it won’t be just the two of you interacting with one another. And, document this information so you can take it to court with you. This will let the judge know that you are attempting to be more civil about the situation, and you felt it best to have someone present at all times. Also, stop responding to her texts and calls. Let her know that if has nothing to do with your son, then she doesn’t need to be calling and texting you. If she continues, save them and document them for court purposes. Last, stop the dates and sending mixed messages. No more going out, hanging out, or spending intimate time alone. End it and move on. If you claim you don’t want to be with her, then end it for good. You are just as complicit in this so you can’t blame her for not understanding why it’s over. Be of your word, and let your actions show it as well! – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria   Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!