I have been recently dating this guy over the last 5 months. We’ve had a few snags to occur, but overall I really think that he could possibly be the one.
First off, we met online. We joked and played through texts and phone call, but once we finally met it was love at first sight for me. He is a great person, very deep, and open to explore all different aspects of life. And, he loves great music. He’s different from any other guy that I have met and I think that I am actually in love with him at this moment.
I have two children from two of my last relationships and he is ok with that and very supportive of me. We have great sex, laugh, and enjoy each other’s company. We have now decided to be monogamous. However, the only issue is that at this point I feel that our connection is diminishing slowly and I’m not sure how to get it back to where it was.
I have looked past a few things that have really bothered me in the beginning, such as his obsessed co-worker, whom he used to be friends with and she was sending nude pictures to him. That is until I told him that I felt uncomfortable with him continuing any type of friendship with someone who he knows wants to be more than friends. He is now telling him that she wants to commit suicide because he is distancing himself from her.
Also, he randomly keeps in contact with an ex-girlfriend from 10 years ago, which I recently saw that he sent her a message with a song attached to it called “Reminisce,” which I couldn’t understand why he would do that. And, lastly, he hasn’t been in a real relationship for the last 10 years.
I finally reached the point to where I have overcome these issues and I do trust him, but now that I am at this point it seems as if we are not in-tune with one another like we once were. We don’t really go out anymore. All he does is sleep when I am around because he works the night shift at his job, which I understand, but I just don’t feel like we are moving forward in anyway.
Overall, I think he is a great guy and I feel lucky to be with someone like him, with all of the baggage that I have on my end. I just don’t want to give my full self to someone that isn’t for sure what it is that they really want. And, because he so nice I don’t want him continuing to entertain me knowing that this isn’t what he wants in the end.
I’ve discussed all these things with him already and he has yet to be totally clear with me. Please help me understand this because I’m so confused and I don’t want to miss out on a good thing, nor do I want to prolong something that is already dead. – Ms. Wants A Good Thing And To Keep A Good Thing
Dear Ms. Wants A Good Thing And To Keep A Good Thing,
First off, you’ve only been dating 5 months. Now, let’s be clear about this because it matters and you should really consider that in a total of 5 months you’ve already dealt with other women, insecurities, trust, and him not being clear about you and this relationship. Therefore, I am asking you, do you have a relationship, or are you caught up in someone and missing all the clues and red flags because you don’t want to be single with two children from two different relationships?
You’ve made him out to be this great guy, whom you can laugh, talk, and have awesome sex with, including the fact he is willing to accept you and your “baggage.” And, I’m assuming your baggage is your two children from two different relationships. That’s a great way to talk about your kids. So, because he is willing to accept you and your baggage, then you feel you can accept and deal with his baggage because of what reason now? Ma’am, don’t be so eager and so desperate for a relationship that you dismiss blaring red flags signaling something isn’t right.
You say that you have overlooked a few things that have really bothered you, but these things should not be dismissed or ignored. They are huge signals warning you, and before moving forward they need to be addressed.
He has an obsessed co-worker that he is friends with, and she is sending him nude pictures. And, because he is distancing himself from her she is feeling suicidal. Uhm, Ms. Honey, they were screwing around. No woman is going to be that mentally and emotionally unstable over a man who distances himself and they have not been intimate with one another. Something happened between them, and he may have had second thoughts about his relationship with her and ended it either before he met you or when he met you. But, there is definitely something more there between them, and he is not telling you the truth about that relationship. It could have been a casual sexual relationship, and she got caught up, or he played and toyed with her feelings and now she is feeling duped and deceived. You better get to the bottom of it and get some answers.
Next, he is keeping in contact with an ex-girlfriend from 10 years ago. And, he sent her a text message with a song attached called, “Reminisce,” and you say that you don’t understand why he would do that. (@ __ @) That’s me giving you a blank stare. If he hasn’t had a serious relationship in 10 years, and he’s still communicating with that same ex, and sending her cute little songs to reminisce their relationship, uhm, well, he is not over her. He misses her, and he wants to rekindle something. You should confront him about this, and stop being so passive and dismissive. And, this will explain why he is not clear with you. He isn’t being honest and upfront with you.
You give him too much power, too much leverage, and too much leeway in your relationship. You’re talking about you’re lucky to have someone like him, well, is he lucky to have someone like you? Is he overjoyed, and ecstatic that you are his woman? Obviously not because you say you’re not in-tune, and he spends more time sleeping when he’s with you, and you’ve already had snags in your 5 month relationship.
Don’t be so quick to jump into something serious with him until you resolve the issues with his co-worker and his ex-girlfriend. Something isn’t right, and it needs to be addressed. You don’t have clear answers and there is reason why he is not being honest with you. Discuss with him what is going on, and why is he not being clear. Then, you need to be clear on what it is you need. I’m sure after you re-evaluate the situation you may reconsider this relationship and he is ready to be with you as you are with him. – Terrance Dean